Is it best to be honest in these situations also?

[Gracelove]

When is has come to the abilities of a partner in the bedroom, I have lied a lot in the past.

 

When they ask me about penis size, I've lied. When it came to orgasms, 99% of the time I faked them. And if they bragged about being a good lover, contrary to the truth, I simply kept my mouth shut.

 

Generally I'm not a liar, but when it comes to those awkward bedroom questions it's like I'm a different person, I lie all the time.

 

I just took a "sex survey" and it has me wondering.....

 

If someone isn't that great in bed, and they ask you about it, is it okay to tell them the truth, even if it's unfavorable?

 

Well telling them, it wasn't that fantastic, doom the relationship, by crippling their ego beyond repair?

 

Men are sooo sensitive when it comes to sex. If they are already insecure, and asking you lots of questions....How do you get off the topic without leaving them feeling badly? And messing up a otherwise "good thing" (not the sex, but the relationship).

[MattW]

Well, I've never had sex, but I think I'd WANT the truth; I mean, how else would you know what to work on improving, ya know? You say those guys think they're the "best lover" while you're not getting much from them, maybe it's because you're not communicating with them properly enough for them to know what kind of things you'd like?

 

You should be a bit gentle when you bring it up, though... Don't make harsh personal attacks, those are more damaging to a guy's ego than just hearing the stuff they need to work on.

[rose2summer]

I think it's best being honest, because sex is an imperfect science, it can always be improved.

 

So by lying, you aren't getting to orgasm or enjoy it as much.

 

I don't people are naturally great lovers, they learn to meet the needs of their partners.

 

It's like saying people are naturally born great football or basketball players, they must work at it...sex is physical activity after all, they can improve...

 

I would just gently say, oh, you know what, I want to try new things, how about you move this way...

 

Hugs, Rose

[kuiks8]

I think if it is YOUR partner, someone that you will be with for some amount of time it is extremely important to be honest. Unsatisfying sex can become a huge conflict in relationships, better to nip it in the bud so to speak. Practice makes perfect but people need to know where to improve...be gentle but be honest for your sake and for any and all future lovers sake...as woman we have a duty to educate the men of this world on what feels good!!!

[Cardinal]

Men and women are often bad in bed because noone tells them any different. Lies tend to propogate that phenomenon.

[desiderium]

tell them what they're doing right, and tell them what to do better, and tell them what hurts. don't make it a "you're doing it wrong", make it a "please do this it will feel great"

[Gracelove]

Wow, thanks guys!!!!! That's such great advice, and it's so surprising that everyone thinks it's okay to be honest about sex.

 

So that's great. I'll definitely do that in the future.

 

I don't usually lie, so I felt so bad about always lying with it came to that. I just assumed you weren't supposed to say anything negative when it came to sex.

 

I thought if I was honest, the relationship would instantly be ruined, but it's nice to know that's not the case.

 

I didn't realize guys wanted to know how to improve, I think that's great!

 

I had this boyfriend once, and he was about 4 years older than me. We never had sex (well he performed oral on me once, so we had oral sex), but he's the one who introduced me to the whole "sexual world".

 

And he was just amazing when it came to anything sexual. And I know I really appreciated him sharing things with me. And answering all of the questions I had about the male body, etc. (and even my own body for that matter).

 

And he directed me when it came to hand jobs, because I had never done it before, and I didn't want to do anything more than that.

 

And I really appreciated him being so open with me.

 

So I guess I should have realized that in my other relationships, honesty would have been okay when it came to that.

 

Thanks so much guys! I really appreciate your help.

 

~Grace