Scared and emotional

[eleanorrigby1]

So I finally got what I wanted, well WE did, we began trying for a baby at the start of the year and I am now 2.5 months pregnant. We are really excited but haven't really told anyone until I get my scan in a couple of weeks. Everything seems to be progressing normally, sickness, sore breasts, weird cravings and being emotional.

 

We are both in our late 20s and are deeply committed to each other.

 

I have been saying since we began trying how ready I am the settle down, how I hate going out on big nights out anymore, that I find it boring queuing at the bar for a drink for 15 minutes, then queuing for half an hour for the toilet, being in places where the music is so loud you can't speak, feeling old because everyone in the place is under 20 (legal age is 18 over here for drink and everyone is out clubbing at 17) by the time you get to 26 you feel old and now that I am pushing 30.. well! :sad:

 

Met up with a single friend today and she was telling me about her weekend plans and the girls are all gonna have a bottle of wine while they get ready, listenning to music, going out to a few local pubs, maybe going into town, all the guys she is dating and she is getting her hair done.. blah blah...

 

I was sat there sipping my lemonade while she drank my favourite red wine and I suddenly felt this panic grip me, like Im going to miss out on so much stuff, that I am going to be a mother, and I can't go out and drink anymore, that gone are the days of girly holidays abroad and nights on the town drinking wine in my friend's bedroom.

 

I suddenly feel like I am saying goodbye to my youth and I feel left out and scared about being a grown up!

 

Is this normal? I feel really sad.

x

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

first off... thats what babysitters are for... AND when you do go out you'll appreciate it more ... and second..... you're going to be a mom, you are going to bring a beautiful life into the world.... you are creating a family, memories, dreams, imo those things are way way way bigger then partying, drinking wine...ect....

 

besides.. you can have a glass of red wine every once in a while... =)

[Dako]

Life has phases like that, where you clearly see a demarcation between your past and the future. Since the future is uncertain, it feels more like loss than the start of a new chapter. Look forward to more in life.

 

You'll experience new things while your friends drink the same wine, go out and have the same convos while awaiting the same loo.

[BellaDonna]

Congratulations!

 

I suddenly felt this panic grip me, like Im going to miss out on so much stuff, that I am going to be a mother, and I can't go out and drink anymore, that gone are the days of girly holidays abroad and nights on the town drinking wine in my friend's bedroom.

 

You will indeed miss out on a lot of the things that you used to do- but you will also gain manys of the joys that come along with motherhood.

 

The main difference will be that any nights out for drinks, etc. will have to be planned far in advance so that you can arrange for a babysitter, etc. You can't just leave on a whim anymore. Becoming a parent does eliminate some of the freedom and spontaneity you had before. In the beginning it is a tough adjustment- especially in the infancy stage- but it gets better.

 

Most parents I've talked to have said that the first 2 years are the hardest, and then things get easier. My son (first child) is 9 months old now and things are already much better than when he was a tiny infant. But my husband and I find that any time that we take for ourselves or to spend with friends of for nights out must be PLANNED.

 

BellaDonna

[eleanorrigby1]

Thank you for your nice replies. I feel guilty, because I am still at the stage in the pregnancy where miscarriages can happen and everytime I go to the toilet I am relieved not to see anything - so worried am I that i would lose my baby. I suddenly felt guilty for feeling sad about the impending changes to my life.

 

I find I also feel jealous of my boyfriend because at the moment his life hasnt changed really. He sits there drinking nice beer and eating whatever food he wants, I can only eat fish twice a week, I cant eat my favourite cheeses and I can't eat liver or pate or runny scrambled eggs, I am allergic to dairy and wheat to my diet is VERY limited. I am throwing up most days and feel constantly tired. When we go for a meal or out for a 'do' Im sick of drinking lemonade or cola (considering I never liked them much before) because I can't drink anything else and its a nightmare trying to order food "excuse me, can you tell me if the mayonaise is made with raw eggs? can you tell me if the fish is farmed or from the sea...can you do that without the raw eggs, wheat or dairy please.." aghh

 

I sound ridiculous dont it?

 

I guess I just wanted to moan about stuff and i feel guilty saying it out loud because believe me when I saw those two lines on the pregnancy test and i had my first midwife appointment, I cried with joy.

 

I guess I have a little bit of Peter Pan Syndrome!

[BellaDonna]

It's normal to feel jealous that you can't drink and eat what you want when pregnant. Then, once I was 9 months pregnant I was jealous that my husband could put on his own shoes easily.

 

My husband and I were pretty much shell shocked when our son was born. We were used to doing whatever we wanted, when we wanted for many many years. We went out at least 2 nights every weekend, drank, had fun, went to concerts- went boating whenever we wanted, & traveled before the baby was born. It is indeed a major change to become pregnant - restrictions begin with food and alcohol- and then when the baby is born it's harder to get out on the weekends, especially early on. It's tough- but it's worth it.

 

Do you have family that can help when the baby is born? My best advice would be, if you have any grandparents that are eager to babysit- whom you trust- and offer to let the baby sleep over- don't turn them down. My mom likes to take my son overnight on the weekends- and this is when my husband and I have our fun. I won't lie though, in the bar we are usually yawning by 9:00pm- (whereas before the baby we would not even leave to go out until AFTER 9:00pm) So even when you have free time being a parent changes you. Don't be surprised if you find yourself just wanting to "relax" instead of going out, even when you have a babysitter. Having a baby kind of changes your priorities.

[Hope75]

I think what you are going through is totally normal, but as BD said, your life doesn't stop simply because you are a mother, it does require planning in advance though.

 

Do you have any friends who are already parents? It might help you to talk to them about how you feel and about their social lives and how they cope with the change. You may find yourself spending more time with friends who have children as you will find you have more in common with them, and less with those single gals who are out at the bar prowling on the weekend.

 

I think there are advantages to both lifestyles, but like you I am 32 and done with the bar/weekend scene, and am much more of a home body, ready to be a parent, and we are planning to try for kids as soon as we get married in 4.5 months. It's still scary though!

 

Congrats!

[Hezzie]

In all honesty, there are going to be so many times when you're going to want to go out, do something, go drink, go play some cards and go dancing. And you won't be able to because you can't find someone to babysit, or you don't have the money for a baby sitter.

 

You'll feel annoyed, you'll get nervous, you'll even get frustrated at times. But what most people don't realize, is children do not upset or change your style. They give you a new one. A better one. They give you more strength, more love and the simple things they do will make all those "Sacrifices" worth it.

 

I'm 22, I have a 6yr old and a 1yr old. I'm going through a divorce, but I've been fixed so I'm not having anymore kids...but I don't regret it at all..even though the times get hard, things get difficult..and sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night with worry, wondering things.. unsure futures, unsure past. It's not just parenthood that makes you feel these things. It's a sense of growing up, that you're leaving something behind. That's where the real panic comes from.

 

Just look at it like my parents told me..One day they'll be old enough to baby sit each other and one day they'll move out. Then you have your freedom again And my mothers exact quote "I love you..but I'm glad you're out"

[eleanorrigby1]

Thank you for all your replies people, I feel a lot better. I am starting to accept that its okay to feel scared and aprehensive, as long as the overall feeling in the moments of sanity are that i am happy and more ready than i could ever be.

 

xx

[sharsachan]

I find I also feel jealous of my boyfriend because at the moment his life hasnt changed really. He sits there drinking nice beer and eating whatever food he wants, I can only eat fish twice a week, I cant eat my ....-

 

you could alwase talk to your boyfriend about your feelings. my husband gave up alcohol while i was pregnant and mostly caffeine. if there was something he really wanted, he asked me first if i minded before he had it. it made me feel like we really were going through it together, instead of just me being pregnant while he stood on the side.

[Hope75]

There's definitely an element of your body not being your own during pregnancy, and although you do get that back after the baby is born.... your life isn't really your own anymore.

 

But with it comes much joy and excitement of watching your child grow and change and learn, and that can give you a whole new appreciation of things you might have taken for granted before.

 

When are you due?

[eleanorrigby1]

you could alwase talk to your boyfriend about your feelings. my husband gave up alcohol while i was pregnant and mostly caffeine. if there was something he really wanted, he asked me first if i minded before he had it. it made me feel like we really were going through it together, instead of just me being pregnant while he stood on the side.

 

ha ha then you have got a real gem there because I can tell you for a fact my boyfriend could not and would not give up his beer! ha ha

 

He has arranged a big boys night out with his mates to celebrate and I will be sat in with a dvd and some orange juice! ha ha ha

[eleanorrigby1]

There's definitely an element of your body not being your own during pregnancy, and although you do get that back after the baby is born.... your life isn't really your own anymore.

 

But with it comes much joy and excitement of watching your child grow and change and learn, and that can give you a whole new appreciation of things you might have taken for granted before.

 

When are you due?

 

my due date is New Years Eve ha ha! so Christmas is going to be fun! Im gonna be scared to leave the bloomin house! told my fella that he is definitely not drinking over xmas because he will be on hospital labour alert! ha ha that will teach him to spend my pregnancy supping beer and eating peanuts!! xx

[BellaDonna]

my due date is New Years Eve ha ha! so Christmas is going to be fun! Im gonna be scared to leave the bloomin house! told my fella that he is definitely not drinking over xmas because he will be on hospital labour alert! ha ha that will teach him to spend my pregnancy supping beer and eating peanuts!! xx

 

Awwww.... a new baby just in time for the holiday season.....I envision a photo opportunity here- a tiny little newborn in a stocking. link removed

 

There's definitely an element of your body not being your own during pregnancy, and although you do get that back after the baby is born.... your life isn't really your own anymore.

 

Hope75 is right. And even when you do get your body back...it's still never really just yours anymore. For example, on any given day there is a little fella climbing me, grabbing at my ankles, pulling my hair, squeezing my nose, trying to give kisses (which he envisions as putting his whole open mouth against my cheek) But when they are so cute you don't mind sharing. My son is 10 months now and I am loving this age! If you find yoursel stressed with a new baby just remember it DOES get better. They become a lot of fun. In the beginning it's all take take take because they are totally helpless....but in matter of months they become your little buddy and they are full of personality.