Will he ever come back to me?

[luxe_13]

Hi everyone. I've been visiting this site for awhile now – just reading ppl's stories and relating them back to my own situation – it's helped a lot- thanks!

Anyway, thought it was time to post my own story in hope of getting some more help. Sorry but it's a bit long.

 

My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up with me 2 months ago. For the first year, our relationship was close to perfect. We were totally in love and even talked about marriage all the time – he was always the one to say these things first. He said I was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Everyone said we were meant for each other- and we agreed

 

Toward the last 6 mths of our r/ship we started to argue more and there was a definite shift – he started to need more space, say he didin't want commitment etc. I just kind of ignored it as the good times definitely overruled the bad.

 

We broke up in July after an argument and within the next month it was all back on and better than ever – at least for the following few weeks….it was all downhill from there. I started to feel paranoid and oversensitive that things just weren't the same and he would get angry at me for questioning the relationship.

 

In October (on my birthday) he ended it again after one of these fights. He called me a week later to see how I was – then there was no contact for 1 month. It was hard.

 

After a month I decided to call him – just to say hi – nothing heavy.

We met for a coffee and talked for an hour- not about our relationship just what we'd been up to etc. – I did a great job of acting happy and relaxed.

Though at this stage I felt stronger about moving on – at the back of my mind I still believed there was hope.

 

Last Friday I found out from a mutual friend that he had a new girlfriend who had already met his parents!

 

I feel as though my whole world has closed in. I pray everyday that this relationship won't last- that he'll realise how much he loves me and come back.

 

I don't know how to move on from this – he was my best friend , my only love and my life. I don't know what to do. Does anyone see any hope for the future? The though of being with anyone else makes me sick.

[calming01]

I think that you need to focus on you. He broke up with you and as hard as it is today it will get better in the future. Give yourself time to heal. Stop thinking about the good times only. Think about what led to the break up. He might not be the person whom you think he is. You might just be lonely and wanting him back because you were accustomed to being with him. Again just take some time to heal and if and when he comes back to you you will be able to deal with him with a clear head.

[luxe_13]

Thank You Calming01. That's good advice. I will try to focus on me more. Tho other problem is we have mutual friends which i love dearly. Is it ok to keep these friendships or should i remove myself from everything that has to do with him?

[Rsix15]

Wow, this is a complicated one.. but I'll do my best. okay, first off.. I'm going to say yes, there is hope for the future. you two broke up based on a series of arguments. arguments, as funny as this sounds, are absolutely necessary for a stable relationship. without them, both sides are just playing along with each other, avoiding arguments at all costs. this is very unhealthy. you need to fight (not too often), and make up. its all about working out differences, a learning experience if you will about both sides' psyche. this helps with future plans, both short and long term. but back to the matter at hand.. your boyfriend is moving on (or trying to, at least). come on, he jumps into a relationship after two months, (probably alot less, since you just found out friday), brings her home to his parents and expects everything to be fine. your boyfriend is possibly repressing every feeling and emotion he's had about you and replacing it with this new girl. (face it, you don't get over a 1.5 year relationship in two months, and if you do you wouldn't be getting a new partner within that time).. in my 19 years on this earth i've learned a thing or two about b/f/g/f relationships. he wants this back, and he's doing it at your expense.. you need to call him, and tell him you know ya'll fight and have differences, but that you also know the best part of this is learning about each others conflicts and working them out. you can work it out.. you need to make the first move though. i'm sure he's in denial, and the more time that goes by of him not noticing this, the deeper in it he'll become and eventually, on both a conscious and subconscious level believe that this other girl is right for him. she is not right for him, you are.. and you need to have him realize this before it goes any further. (but dont come right out and say, we're meant to be together.. get creative, remind him of the little things you two laughed about, etc.). I'm sorry, that was kind of long and drawn out but the best of luck to both of you, I hope everything goes ok!

[luxe_13]

Thanx Rsix15. I really want to believe what you're telling me. But everyone else is just telling me to forget him and move on! In the back of my mind I keep believing that it will all work out... But is this just living in denial? God I want it to work out with all my heart and soul but don't want to do anything to stuff it up. Is it really the right thing to try and talk to him now...or should I give it more time. Surely if he truly loves me, he will miss me and come back --- although he is VERY stubborn...aagghh! So confused!

[nini]

WOW to tell u the truth my situation is kinda like urs im soooo happy there is someone who feelsss my painni loved my ex for 5 years but we went out for year and half and he broke up with me 2 times at that period..... so i feel u girl i feel sooo helpless i had panic attacks and everythin becuz of how much i love him and how much i want him

he always talked about marriege too but he says he doenst wanna marry me cuz he doenst want responsiblity

anywayy girl im kinda over him i no its sickinnning to go out with another guyyy but try to date casually it will help u KEEP UR SELFF BUSYY so u dotn think of itttt... there might be a chance of gettin back but y do u wanna get back with that asshole who dumped u 0X im dating this nice guy rite now he treats me sooooo well and its sooo hard not to think about ur EX but i think about that other guy wen i go to sleep and im happy rite now i no itsss hardd buttttttttt TRUSTTT MEEE im the weakestt personnn in the world and im gettin over it slowlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[luxe_13]

Nini...Thank You....

I love this website..so many people suffering the same horrible experience. we can all help each other out

I actually went out on a date with someone last week - it was ok.

I was kind of ok bout everything until i found out about my Ex's new girl. Now it's like the pain has started all over again.

I'm going to keep going out and trying to have fun.

It's just...my ex was the most special person ever...there's no one like him. So hard! The thought that this new girl gets to spend xmas and new years with a lovely new guy (my ex!) while i am sitting here heart broken makes me so sad

[Klementine475]

hey there,

sweetie its up to you. You can spend xmas on your own thinking about it or you can try to make plans, even if its not with him, and have a great time and enjoy yourself even if in the back of your mind he's there, its alright, you can still enjoy yourself and think of him.

As for hope, you can never know how things will go with the new girl and you can never know if he will ever come back, I think hope is a bit unfair because in some way it makes the pain last longer....dunno if it makes sense....

Best advice I can give you is to try to avoid any contact with him in the next few weeks or more or forever...and during this time, start getting to know yourself a bit more, if you say your ex was so special you must be special too if he fell in love with you right? So try to get to know yourself, do things for yourself you have no idea how good it feels until you do it, enjoy your time on your own and most important, don't harm yourself by trying to find out more about whats going on with him....its not important right now, you are important, your life does not depend on his actions, it depends on yours, it really does, its up to you if you want to heal yourself or if you want to wait for something you're unsure of. Take it one day at a time. Every day you can learn something new....

Good luck....and have a brilliant xmas and new year

[sleepers]

Hey,

i m in the ExACT same shoes as you. but we haven't broken up for that long yet. And i don't think he's started going out with another girl. (that's at least wat i think)

 

But all i can say is, yes you do love him. I love my bf dearly too. But the only thing i have learnt from this forum and many other friends who told me the same things is that 'Let him go, if he returns, he's urs' (sounds familiar? Rick price sang it in his songs too.

 

But that's a true advice i would say. If you love him, grant him the happiness. Meanwhile, do things that you used to enjoy doing but didn't had the time to do because you were with your bf. Meet up with friends you haven't seen for a long time. Go for a long run. Breathe in the air around you. You will feel better. For a while and life goes on after that. That's exactly what i am doing now.

 

Mine is a little more complicated in a sense tat we stay 5 mins apart and he gives my brother tuition weekly for two or three times a week. And inevitably, i see him all the time. So this complicates matter as well..

 

I m trying to solve this problem myself, cos after the breakup, i did some post analysis of it and well, it mainly was my fault. I generally lost myself through the process of loving him and he found me hard to accept after that as he was loving a person he didn't fell for.. Did you fall into the same spiral as me too?? Read the posts i put up.

 

First thing first, ask yourself the reasons for breaking up. Is it mainly cos of you or cos of him? Next, be strong. Guys don't like weak girls (at least in my case). Then, be yourself. You can talk to him, text him etc.. but just let him have his time. GUYS NEED SPACE, GIRLS NEED ATTENTION. If you feel that (women's intuition) he still has slightest emotions for you, wait for time to heal his wounds, things will eventually work out nicely. And remember, continue praying. Prayers work wonders. IT provides you with inner peace and you find that this burden is less heavy for you to bear.

 

I didn't believe in it until one day, i passed by a temple (over in asia, there's many temple) and i went in there to pray. i felt really relieved and less painful. God answers your prayers.. just need to have enough faith in him.

 

Go on with your life. Do what you enjoy. I keep myself occupied daily with my clubs and societies activiites in school. Have friendly matches now and then. I try to get away from thinking him. Its hard. its tough. But you have to try. its the only way to show him that you r independent etc and get him attracted to the person he once was attracted to. Try it.. it might work.

 

I am going away on trips to just sort out my thinking without him, without contact with everyone else. Its not gonna be an easy thing, but i gotta try it for myself and for him (if you do love him that much).

 

I hope it goes well for you. keep me updated alright?

[luxe_13]

Sleepers it sounds as though i am in a very similar situation to you. I did get too clingy towards the end cause I thought i was losing him. I definitely changed in a bad way. The breakup was cause of both of us i guess. IT's SO true about Guys needing space and Girls needing attention----That is exactly what it was like. He found I just needed too much attention whilst he was trying to work out what was going on in his own life. I became very demanding and that frustrated him.

Sound familiar?

But that's why i can't understand why he already has a new girl!? Of course I want him to be happy - but i really hope it doesn't last.

Maybe i'm just in denial but I really do have the feeling he is thinking of me.

I will just get on with it (like we all should!), try and appreciate other asects of life...I guess time is all it takes - in the meantime I WILL keep praying..cause he really does mean that much to me.

[luxe_13]

Hey sleepers - just read your post again. I don't think you should blame yourself for the breakup. I was the same as you felt i had changed cause i let the relationship take over my life. I was blaming myself - and still do to some extent, but our guys should've been a little more understanding and shown more affection so we would know that they loved us..so we wouldn't feel so insecure all the time. Gosh i don't know. You can anylise relationships in so many ways. I have a different perspective on what happened every 10 minutes i swear!