kalimoo Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 My ex-boyfriend is dating a girl I know. Me and the girl are not friends, but acquaintances. I work with my ex. We're not particularly close but we do talk, we're friendly with each other. He likes to compliment me once in a while about how beautiful he thinks I am etc... He has been dating that girl for a while, I think for about a year now and I recently found out. He never gave me a single hint that he had a girlfriend and didn't want me to find out. I found out by a mutual friend who accidentally let it slipped out of her mouth. I heard he was very upset when he found out that I finally knew about his new girlfriend. The thing is... I was the one who broke up, I don't see why he wouldn't want me to find out? I'm starting to think that maybe he thought we'd get back together... but that's unfair to his girlfriend. I'd just like some feedbacks and advice on that. Thanks! Link to comment
DN Posted May 19, 2008 Share Posted May 19, 2008 Welcome to eNotAlone. Perhaps he just doesn't want it to affect your friendship. Or he didn't want to say anything until he was sure it was going somewhere in case he looks like a two time loser. But I have to ask why you are concerned about this? Do you want him back in any way? Link to comment
kalimoo Posted May 20, 2008 Author Share Posted May 20, 2008 To be honest, yes I was thinking of reconsidering the relationship but I was still unsure so I didn't let him know about me thinking of getting back together. I didn't want to give him false hopes until I was sure. I do feel that he still has some feelings for me... but maybe I'm wrong? He's a bit younger than me and I broke up cause I thought he was too young. Right now, he keeps saying in subtle ways how he learned a lot since and grew up. We broke up about a year and a half ago. But now that I know he's dating that girl... that kinda changed everything. Link to comment
kalimoo Posted May 20, 2008 Author Share Posted May 20, 2008 Well, I don't want to interfere in his new relationship, I'd feel too guilty if he'd broke up with her to be with me. So, I'm less inclined to get back now. I mean, "if" we were to get back, I would definitely let some time pass by after he broke up with her. I don't know, that's just me I guess. And, maybe all the compliments and everything meant nothing after all. Also, I'm now a little uncomfortable with the friendship we had. Link to comment
Haven Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 The only way his reaction makes sense is if he still wants to get back together with you. If he was the one to break up with you, then I wouldn't say that. But since you broke up with him, it seems likely that he's just doing a casual thing with this girlfriend and still wants to be with you. How serious is their relationship, do you know? It worries me that he made a point of not mentioning his girlfriend to you, despite having dated her for 1 1/2 years. It shows he hasn't exactly moved on. Link to comment
DN Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Well, let's not forget that he has no idea that you might be interested in getting him back so his actions are predicated on the notion that you did not. Link to comment
kalimoo Posted May 20, 2008 Author Share Posted May 20, 2008 I'm not sure how long they've been together. I broke up a year and a half ago, and the mutual friend who knew about them told me they started dating a few months after that, so I assume they've been together for maybe a year or so, but still I'm not sure exactly when. The only thing I'm sure is that last November they were already together. How serious it is between them? I have no idea. One thing I know is that she's tired of hiding. He's the one who wants to keep their relationship a secret... well, at least hidden from me. Despite all that... he's not the player type of guy and that surprises me. I would be surprised if he was just playing her. That's why I'm finding it hard to understand. True... he has no idea I was thinking of getting back... Link to comment
DN Posted May 20, 2008 Share Posted May 20, 2008 Ok - I thought it was very recent for some reason. In that case I think you are right in backing off unless or until he is no longer with her. Link to comment
kalimoo Posted May 20, 2008 Author Share Posted May 20, 2008 Yeah, I think the best thing to do is to back off. Link to comment
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