i cant let go of these feelings.

[blondyx]

me and my ex were together for 2 years and broke up in january. im 18 btw

 

i am still so affected by it. its got better but i still feel sick over it. i cry every few days. ive cried 3 times today already.

the stuff he said after our break up has affected me so much. thoughts of him keep coming into my head every 10 mins or so that r just detroying me. i try and block them out but i cant.

he didnt do anything rly bad like hit me or anything. but he dumped me over the fone and after a week he said he moved on. he was rude and insensitive.

he told me i was a spiteful person (im rly not, my friends know im not aswel and want to hit him for saying it) and he insulted my family. he told me in future relationships i was just gonna end up being cheated on or dumped and tht the last 2 years of the relationship was a waste of time.

im no angel, but what hes said has rly gotten to me.

i was so in love with this person and cared for him so much. hes my first love.

 

im just so upset all the time. i feel anxious and insecure and im not even happy when im with my friends or out. i hate myself and i hate what has happened. im also starting to hate my family. what he said about them has opened my eyes to things i wasnt tht bothered about before. now im even more annoyed at them as ever. ive always had problems with them though, were kind of dysfuntional.

im not happy with friends or at home or with anything.

i cant get these memories out of my head.

 

any advice?

thanks

[babybees]

Sorry to hear that you are hurt right now. But think about it...he must not love you as much as you did. So you gotta move on. Start doing activities, get yourself busy and not think about him as much. Think that there are lots of fish in the ocean. Maybe you got a bad fish this time but the next time you'll get a better one.

Take this a breakup as your experience and learn from your mistake.

 

You should not hate yourself. Think about how were you before you met him. Were you a happy kind of gal? Can you be like that gal again? You are you. He should be able to accept who you are if he really loved you.

 

Don't hate your family because they are the only people who will always there for you even when you are in a very low level. Their love is always there for you. You're only 18. You may not realize it by now.

 

Trying to relax...stress free..I know it sounds silly and easy to talk than do it. But you gotta think positive. Life is short. Enjoy what you have and experience.

 

Hope it helps.

 

babybees

[arcadefire]

He said so much hurtful things to you. Sorry to hear that. The above poster is right, he probably does not love you the way you love him. Otherwise he wouldn't have said all those nasty things to you.

 

Best thing to do is to put away everything that reminds you of him. Emails, texts, gifts, letters... hang out with friends and family. Don't bring up the subject of him unless you need to vent, but only vent for a while not forever.

 

Don't hate yourself. Love yourself and who you are. You happened to just come accross a person who didn't treat you well. Don't let it get to you.

[blondyx]

well yeah, he doesnt love me NOW. id like to think he used to love me though. i mean he showed me on many occasions that he did. he changed since going to uni and i think his feelings did too. i believe he once had genuine feelings for me.

 

but its so hard and confusing. he must have lied when he said he had feelings for me last time i saw him. the thing is, is tht i dont think he said thme to mean. he actually means what he said. he rly believe what he said. and coz he knows me so well, i wonder whether what he said was rly true..

[blondyx]

no i wasnt happy before i knew him. i was actualy quite sad.

its not just about moving on from him aswell. its the stuff he said which have had an effect on me. i feel so confused and manipulated. and lonely. i was insecure in the first place, but now i dnt ever want to b in a relaltionship again. i loved him so much, i just cant put myself and attach to someone again. he rly ruined my self esteem and now i have no respect of liking for myself.

[skids]

You'll probably hear this alot but it's true, time will heal your wounds. I totally understand about not wanting to ever be in another relationship, the fear of going through this kind of pain is a very defective deterrent. However, over time the pain will fade and your confidence will return. Try doing something to better yourself, whatever that may be. Work out, get a tan, whatever... All of these feelings tend to go together after a painfull break up, I think most of us here have suffered or are suffering that as well.

 

When people you love say something hurtful of course it will cut you to the bone. They tend to know more about you than anyone else. Don't let him be the cause of futhering your family's dysfunctions, you'd be letting him win.

[babybees]

You can let go of "those feeling" if you want to. Everything is in your mind. If you keep it on and on and not moving on, eventually you will be the same sad person you are right now.

 

Even though you said it was not about moving on but actually is. By moving on you will learn from your mistake/bad experience to be a better person.

You said He ruined your self esteem. Then it's time for you to learn to love yourself again. How?

Like Skid said time heals wound. And this is really true. I know that feeling of not wanting to have a relationship anymore. This happened because you are hurt right now, you feel numb. But you can fix that. Be socialize..join an activity groups, volunteering, sports, get busy, hang out with your girlfriends. Forget that you had a bf before. Stop thinking about him. Get rid of those things you had with him, pictures, memories, etc.

 

I believe slowly you'd be able to appreciate yourself again. You should be able to love yourself first. You should be able to be happy just be YOU.

There is this book called " Positively Single: The Art of being single and happy" by Vera Peiffer. It's a good book to help to get your self-esteem back. You should think that Man is not Everything. You can be happy without him. Be strong and positive.

 

-babybees link removed

[blondyx]

love myself again? i never did love myself.

i wasnt a happy person before i met him

[shygirl1212]

no i wasnt happy before i knew him. i was actualy quite sad.

its not just about moving on from him aswell. its the stuff he said which have had an effect on me. i feel so confused and manipulated. and lonely. i was insecure in the first place, but now i dnt ever want to b in a relaltionship again. i loved him so much, i just cant put myself and attach to someone again. he rly ruined my self esteem and now i have no respect of liking for myself.

 

what did he say to you to leave such a mark? AND what does this say about him as a person? To hurt you so badly...

 

Have you talked to your family/friends about how you are feeling and what you are going through?

[dreamwarrior]

love myself again? i never did love myself.

i wasnt a happy person before i met him

 

Well today is a good time to start loving yourself.

 

Now has this guy done anything to change the world or make it a better place?? Has he rid the world of poverty, disease, terrorism????? He is nothing more than a speck of space dust. Don't worry about him...anyone who says those type of things to you isn't worth the salt in your tears.

 

Girl get some confidence and self-esteem...why are you allowing him to have power over you?

 

Tell me why you are so unhappy? I would be glad to help you.

 

It's better to pm me and I can give you one on one advice.

 

Cheer up...you will be fine.

 

Concentrate on improving yourself and be all you can be.

 

What do you think?? You were born for no reason or what?? Come on your here because your supposed to be here.

 

Your life is a movie and you are the star of the show.

[blondyx]

what did he say to you to leave such a mark? AND what does this say about him as a person? To hurt you so badly...

 

Have you talked to your family/friends about how you are feeling and what you are going through?

 

 

he said like how i was a spiteful person, just like my mum, he told me in future relationships i would just end up getting cheated on or dumped. stuff like that which has rly put me down so now i dnt want to even get close to people again. ive been cheated on in the past and dont get on with my mum that much coz i just diagree with alot of the things shes done and my ex also said how im plain and stuff coz i dnt have any real interests on passion about anything. i feel more insecure than i did in the first place. i was with tht guy 2 years and now it seems like the whole relationship was a lie. he just seems like such a different person now. he used to b so sweet and nice and now i feel like its me who did this. yet he said he cares for me and has feelings for me. and i just feel confused coz he gives me such contradictory messages i dont no anything anymore.

 

ive talked to some of them and they just tell me my ex is an idiot. yet they would take my side anyway. even if i cheated on him or something (i didnt, but hypotheticly) they would still b on my side so i kind of just think that even if i did something wrong they wouldnt tell me anyway. and they just say to get over him and forget him. its not about getting over him though, its about the way hes made me feel about everything, evben myself

[blondyx]

..

Of course it has gotten to you, he is emotionally and verbally abusive. I cannot believe he said those horrible things to you. That is not the norm in a breakup. This man was abusive. And I don't necesarilly agree with other posters that he never loved you - even sick people love in their own way - but thank GOD he is out of your life. Those things he said to you were truly cruel.

 

even if others dont think it, i know he used to love me. just the things he said, how things were. from what i said he sounded so horrible but it was only like that last time i saw him after we broke up and he was quite horrible a few months we broke up. the remaining time in the relationship he wasnt like that. either it was my fault that we broke up like he says it was coz he couldnt handle me anymore or just because he changed as a person when he went to uni.

 

i know! thats why im finding it hard. people r like move on from him, but its not like its just a breakup, where he dumped me. its the way things ended and the stuff he said aswell which are bothering me.

[blondyx]

anyone else?

[Taylor527]

I haven't read all the posts and didn't really read your entire post - sorry. BUT : youre only 18!!! Enjoy your life - no need to settle down with someone at this age. You will change drastically in the next 4-6 years... even if you two stayed together longer than January I guarantee you wouldn't be with him in 4-6 years - so why waste anymore of your time?!?! Go out - your YOUNG have fun with friends and stop thinking about him - its a waste of the best time of your life!!!!!!!!!! I'm telling you - get him off your mind noooo reason to sulk any longer - its been 6 months!!!!

[prettybutterfly]

he didnt do anything rly bad like hit me or anything. but he dumped me over the fone and after a week he said he moved on. he was rude and insensitive.

he told me i was a spiteful person (im rly not, my friends know im not aswel and want to hit him for saying it) and he insulted my family. he told me in future relationships i was just gonna end up being cheated on or dumped and tht the last 2 years of the relationship was a waste of time.

im no angel, but what hes said has rly gotten to me.

i was so in love with this person and cared for him so much. hes my first love.

 

sweetie i feel like im reading my own words when i read over your post. I was with my ex for 7 years. the thoughts plague me as we broke up n got back, then broke up, then got back, etc. He told me i was a spiteful person, when almost everything he did and every word he said was to spite me because he was jealous guys even looked at me. He also knows ive had problems with my family as we are dysfuntional as well. But then throws it all in my face. I suffer from severe anxiety and he told me im crazy because of it. The things that he said when we broke up were beyond anything i could imagine. He'd be like "hey, * * * * * * * , listen" or "yo, retard, can u not interrupt me and let me finish and not say ANYTHING!" it got scary. Yet he always, undeniably, every time told me it was all me and that I lost HIM.

ah yes did i also mention he cheated on me?

and i was with 2 guys in times when we were broken up AFTER her dumped me. He yelled at me for only waiting a month to date! HE DIDNT WAIT TILL WE WERE EVEN OVER, HELL-O? lol.

what im basically saying to you sweetie is they love to make us feel we're nuts. Did i also mention he'd disappear and turn his phone off b/c it wasnt "cool" to have ur gf call u when ur with ur friends." yea i was spit on at every chance. my fault was going back, ever.

I have a feeling with the way youre worried about this, that you probably didnt do a lot wrong. Im no angel either but dont let them make u feel that way. I let it make me feel unworthy of everything to the point where i canceled my bday. He would always break up with me right before it and one year, 2 days after it. Right when summer starts. Sick, twisted pattern.

I have to be done for my sanity.

but yea, its hard. i always HATED HATED HATED to hear that time heals all wounds b/c it seemed like a lifetime away to be healed.

When i say i know how you feel darlin, i 100% absolutely undoubtedly know how you feel.

 

It gets better. I promise you that with all my heart.

[prettybutterfly]

and p.s. he broke up with me over the phone every time, then came running back crying and saying he didnt know where to begin how sorry he was. this worked for me to take him back a few times, but boy do i see right through it now--finally.

 

If you have a fear of seeing him with someone else like i do, please just know that this is something he has to get over, too. you do not just become forgotten in a heartbeat. i was with him since i was 15. i am now 22 so i know your pain. i remember 18 years old very well and what youre dealing with is one of toughest things to go through so give yourself permission to be upset. Speaking out of experience, dwelling on things that are hard to change really is a waste of time and i'm concerned about YOU and ONLY you. Eff that guy because as soon as they turn it on you, they will use that tactic to reel u in forever. so so sad, but its true and i hate it.

My thoughts are with you sweetie.

[blondyx]

i wish things turned down out this way.

why didnt i give him more space and trust? if i wasnt like that he wouldnt of been the way he was and would still want to b with me.

but now its too late. he probably hates me.

he randomly blocked and deleted me over facebook a few weeks ago even tho i havnt spoken to him in about 2 months.

i feel so unhappy. sounds stupid, but im just not happy in myself when im not in a relationship. im never happy in myself.

he was right about me being afraid to let go, about feeling annoyed and tense all the time at home coz i dont get on with my family much. hes right i dont hae any true passions. does that mean hes right about me being spiteful like my mum and that im an angry person whos just gonna get dumped and cheated on in future relationships?

 

and now i find it even harder to trust people than ever. i dont want to let anyone in even more than i did before.

5 months from being dumped and im still not happy. why cant i b happy when im not in a relationship? why was i so paranoid and jealous in our relationship? thats what ruined things.

just needed to get that off my chest..

[prettybutterfly]

wow i just re-read the part how he said you were spiteful, just like your mum.....my ex said the exact same thing! i think you and i have so so much in common.

[prettybutterfly]

and about thinking the reasons the relationship was ruined because u were paranoid and jealous....i was told these were the reasons i ruined it too...and actually believed it for a while....but guess what-- he gave me many many reasons to be suspicious and it had turned out he ultimately was cheating on me. even after finding that out he STILL blamed the downfall of the relationship on me! he had a serious drug problem and would disappear for a few days n turn his phone off and stuff. I should have walked away then and never looked back.

mine kept telling me he's a nice guy and i had become a * * * * * . i said to him that with the number of times he has to say he's a nice guy, it only shows hes trying really hard to convince himself that he is, knowing he most certainly was no angel.

 

they will always be innocent in their own eyes.

[blondyx]

he such an * * * * * * *