One year later, the second of two anniversaries...

[faeriechyld]

Hello everyone,

 

I've posted before concerning my mom and her passing. Yesterday marked the one year anniversary and I think we all pulled through for each other fairly well. But now I am starting to look toward Christmas eve, which will mark the one year anniversary of my grandfather, my father's father, passing.

 

My dad is quite hard to read, especially when he's upset about something, he doesn't show it. I want to be there for him and help him through that day, especially after going through yesterday, but I don't know how to be there. I'd appreciate any advice and/or support. This is such a hard month for my family and I, but so far we are making it through. Thank you for all your help.

 

faeriechyld

[secret_agent_man]

Faerie,

We all know the pain of someone's passing, and we all feel for you right now. Especially around the holiday times.

 

My best suggestions are just to keep the family ties that you have as strong as possible. Holidays are the time for families to come together, and show the power of those deep ties. Laugh together, and cry together. Emotions are necissary, and fighting them makes it worse.

 

Something I suggest, although it can be hard, is to sit around a fireplace or christmas tree, and talk about all the good times in the past. Talk of all the things you look back and smile on. This can lift a huge weight off of everyone, just being able to vent, and let out emotions. It also helps to see the good points of things because you can only cherish the good times more and more.

 

My thoughts are with you and your family, and I wish you all a happy and loving holiday

S.A.M.

[avman]

faeriechyld,

 

As you well know, sometimes when we are hurting the most - we push away the people we love. And yet thats also the time we need them the most. Perhaps your father is the same way.

 

You might plan on being there for him, without actually letting him know thats what you are doing. Plan something together with him. Go shop for something together. Or prepare dinner together. Or even play a game together. Just something that keeps you in close proximity. If the conversation turns to your grandfather and your mother, then so be it. If not, then you were still together and you were "there" for him. It will mean a lot to him having that closeness.

 

I like secret agent man's idea about gathering the family together to share stories. Although this can be difficult to get going, usually once one person tells a story others will gladly follow. There will be laughing and crying, but its all part of the healing process. Its important to remember during this process that although our loved ones have gone, WE are still here. We cannot stop living because they have gone. They wouldn't want that for us.

 

I wish you and your family peace and comfort through this difficult time.

 

avman