I HATE HER MOM!!!

[BOBMUNZ]

I have reciently started a relationship with the girl of my dreams, we are both 16, I have fallen in love in very short order and she feels the same way, but unfortunately not everything is good. My girlfriend suffers from depression (not Bi-Polar disease) and the morei talk to her the more i realize that the major cause of the depression is her mother, she isnt physical (she dosent beat her) but what she does mentaly is much worse. I do realize that there are people out there that are much worse off, but this is someone that i love and i cant sit by and watch her mother mentally beat her into the ground. Here is just a few of the things that her mother does.

1. tells her that she is worthless.

2. makes her do work even though nothing has to be done

3. tells her that she is fat and ugly (of which she isnt)

4. gets angry at the slightest thing

5. gets angry at someone else then yells and screams at her for it

this is only 5 of the hundreds of things that are done to her everyday. if my g/f is guilty of anything its of being the most caring loving person that i have ever met, she trys her hardest to do one thing that wont get her mom angry at her, there are so many things that happen to her everyday that shouldent i have a hard time talking about it. because of all of this she has concidered suicide many times and atempted it a few. she cuts herself regularly (4-8 times a day). She is convinced that she deserves everything that her mother does to her. i dont know what to do, i love her so much but it seems that i cant do anything for her. any advice would be greatly appreciated

thanks

[Johnny_has]

Has your girlfriend tried talking with her Mom about how she is making her feel (her Mom might not know how much damage she is doing by this emotional abuse) If she has and it still didn't change the matter then I suggest that your girlfriend maybe get a change of environment. Perhaps she has some caring relatives she can stay with?

 

But I really think her mom needs to know the severity of the situation, that she has even attempted suicide because of it could be a wake up call for her nasty Mom.

[The Morrigan]

Hey - if she won't listen to your gf, and it's that bad (no kid needs to be called worthless, fat, or ugly, or other derogatory names by a parent for pity's sake!), ask your gf about talking to the school counselor, or other counselor (like for example if she's religious, her pastor or youth counselor), or even a trusted adult friend and tell them how it hurts her. Sometimes an adult will listen to another adult faster, especially one in a perceived position of "authority," than to their own child (not right I know), who they can "see" as just going through "normal" teenage growing pains and not realize how much they're contributing. A mediator can sometimes make a world of difference in how someone's eyes can be opened to what they're doing - since it's being presented calmy and unemotionally from a third party view.

 

Best of luck.

[secret_agent_man]

I am in complete agreement with that, someone outside of the loop (youth counselor, pastor, trusted friend) is the best approach. A mediator is exactly what's needed.

 

The reason I posted, however, is because of something you said...

I do realize that there are people out there that are much worse off

 

Although some people have it "worse" than others, I strongly feel that any situation that would drive someone to attempt suicide is just as bad as any other, and none should be taken lightly. I am very glad to see that you want to help her, and that you care about her. On the other hand, please be aware that it is not healthy for you to take on too much responsibility for this, because as much as you may be able to help, the situation is not yours to control. I would hate to see this bring you down as well, that's too often the case. Be there for her, try to help her as much as you can, but don't let it destroy who you are either...

 

Best of luck, my best wishes are with you and her.

S.A.M.

[enadevoli]

as the other posters have said, no one deserves to be going through this. i also agree that she should talk to a school counsler about what she is going through. her mom is wrong in treating her this way & its good to know that you are there for her. make sure she knows that you are there for her. im guessing she probably has some self confidence issues because of the way her mom is treating her??? she needs a good friend like you in her life to help her realize that she is not what her mom says she is. just make sure to let her know how amazing you think she is & how much you care about her.

[BOBMUNZ]

I would like to thank you all for you replies and i must say that i feel alot better knowing that there are people out there that care, one thing to add though, her mom knows that she has depression, cuts herself and has tryed to kill her self,but dosent care. my g/f was telling me that one time when she was having an "eposode" she dicieded to go and talk to her parents about it, all they did was tell her to wait till a commercial in their show. any more advice is still greatly appreciated

Thanks all