BOBMUNZ

dont blame yourself compleatly for this, (its weird the more you talk about it the more i realize its the exact same as my situation) if she was the "one" then she wouldnt have let you push her away, she would have seen you were in a bad spot in your life, and done everything she could to be there for you, to help you get back on your feet, im not sayin she is a bad person for not doing that, im just saying that you two just werent ment to be. sorry dude, i have had to realize that too with my situation

I KNOW EXACTILLY WHAT YOU FEEL MAN, im going thru the exact same thing, it makes me feel better to know that the way i feel isnt just me being stupid, and i hope it makes you feel better too. and i too have been apart for almost the same amout of time (the only difference is that its my grandma in the hospital, and the ex isnt moving 45 min away, only about 10 min) im finding that the best thing to do is go no comunication for a bit, try as best as you can to get out and see other ppl (not date necisarilly but see your friends) and if you have the same group of friends as ur ex like i do, just go out and do your best to ignore her, the more you think about it the worse it is going to make you feel, if you see her partyin and she is into another guy, just IGNORE IT, i know you will feel jelious, because thats how i feel when i see it. it makes me feel like crap inside. but you need to understand the reason she is going and doing things like that, is most likely cuz she is trying to ignore get the situation off her mind. i dont think she is that heartless, girls are just complex ppl lol Try not to read into everything, thats what i have been doing, and im finding that i am just over analyzing everything, there isnt as much meaning in her words as you may think. As far as the not sleeping thing goes, i dont know what i can say about that, for me when im sleeping is when my mind works the most, so its hard, just try listening to music while laying in bed (not depressing music tho) i find that works for me, and the better you know the songs the better, cuz when you find you cant pay attention to them anymore, you know your body is ready to sleep, and it keeps your mind off the girl as far as things being akward, just do your best to act like nothing is wrong, BUT, dont feel bad letting her know everynow and again how you feel, cuz you dont want her to be getting the same messages that you seem to be getting from her, if you just act like urself, like the person that you where when you first got together, things will loosen up, and hopefully it will work out if you have any questions about what i said just let me know, im not thinkin strait right now, im low on sleep with exams lately lol hope i helped at least a bit

well, it has been 2 years, and my true love has told me she doesnt want to talk to me anymore for a very long time. things went downhill just before we started university, she seemed to become more distant with me, and she started showing a strong interest in the "drunkin college girl" lifestyle, we ended up going on a "Break" 2 days after classes started, she said she wanted to do this cuz she felt bored in our relationship, and hoped that us being apart would end up rekindling the "passion" that we used to have. Well time passed and i began to hate this break more and more, i dont think it is unreasonable to hate being apart from the person you love, but about 3 weeks into this break, she went out to a bar and drank a bit, and made out with a friend of mine. Then said that she didnt think that a break was such a good idea anymore, that we should just break up, i told her that no matter what she called it i would still feel the same. i would still be jelous of her flirting with other guys, and that i would still want to once again hold her in my arms and be loved again. Clearly i was hurt by this, i felt that things were so unfair because she could so easly go out and stop careing, whereas i couldnt stop thinking about her and couldnt even fathom being with another girl. during this whole time i tried as hard as i could to not talk about my feelings, because i didnt want to guilt her back into a relationship, i wanted her to come back because she loved me (as she said he used to) Lastnight we went to a social with a bunch of other people, and we talked about things and she told me that the reason she broke up with me was because she wanted to fit in with a certain group of people Today we talked on MSN (i know, its a bad way to talk about serious issues), but i said i didnt understand why she dumped the guy who loved her for who she was, for a group of ppl who didnt accept her for the person that she was, and some other things were said and it ended up her saying that i was just rationalizing so that i could blame this whole thing on her, she then said that she didnt want to talk to me anymore, for a very long time, and then signed off of msn. im so lost right now, i dont even know why i am writing this all out for you, i suppose i just need to know if other ppl have gone through situations like this, and that there are ppl out there that actually care..

Jetta hit the nail right on the head (i am a christian but i tried to stay neutral in my earlier post) God has given us a gift, the gift of life, now think of it this way, if you found something that you thought would be perfict for a loved one, a gift like no other, one that you were increadibly happy about and couldnt wait to give to the person, then, as soon as they see it they say they hate it and that they were happier not having had it, and they either throw it out or give it back to you, i would only assume that you would be hurt, and would want to be distant. that is essentially what happens when you commit suicide, you are throwing that precious gift back in Gods face. As you said about forgiveness, you have to ask for forgiveness after the act has been commited, but before you life ends (hence the last rights that are read to people who are dieing of natural causes but arent dead yet) Suicide is the only mortal sin that cannot be repented for. thereforeeee you go to hell for it

no matter what way you decide on taking your own life, it will be painful, maybe not to you, but the effects will ripple through the lives of everybody you know. There is nothing to be gained by ending your existence, only things to lose. If you think about it, if there is no afterlife (because nobody knows for 100%, they can only have faith), when you die you cease to exist, think, or feel. Explain the happiness in that. At least in life you can go and do the things that make you happy. if there are people or things that make you unhappy then you need to get away from those things (if its your parents, dont run away, you will just cause problems for yourself), find the things that make you happy, and do them, the things that no matter what else is happening will always clear your mind, and bring joy to your heart I once went through a time in my life when i wanted to end my life, but after talking to people, and seeing what the world really had to offer me, i felt like i wanted nothing more then to live my life until i became old a grey, and i still feel like that to this day. I just kept telling my self that there was a light at the end of the tunnel of complete darkness, and sure enough i soon began to see it. I hope and will pray for you to get past this, and see that life is truly worth living. If you feel like talking more about this you can e-mail me at email removed (I also have msn messenger)

Could somebody give me some advice about keeping a relationship working well when you wont be able to see the other person alot, and will have the extra stresses added in from college/university? My g/f and i are both entering into unversity (at the same one) and we have multiple spares together, but only one day a week to go out (friday) because of work schedules, and even that isnt a for sure. I love this girl more then anything else and i want more then anything else to stay with this girl. I would appreciate any advice

Well it all really depends on his past relationship with this girl. Like you said she knew him her whole life, so it could be just a "brother/sister" kind of relation. BUT... if he has never really seen her at all, and seems infatuated with her, then you have every right to get after him. If he is persuing a 17 year old girl, then something is wrong with him. But the fact that she is family, thats even weirder. I say the "cousin" is jail bait, and you need to sit down with "A" and have a serious talk with him, and bring up the things he said like: i hope things work out for you, and that "A" realizes the errors of his ways

well my problem is that I dont know how to go about telling my g/f about the way I am feeling at the moment. I understand that I have a tendancey to feel paranoid. I just dont know how to tell her that I am feeling unloved. Things were great for the longest time but now it feels like the emotional table has turned, instead of me having to tell my g/f that she is beautiful and give her compliments and tell her i love her to make her feel good and what not, i feel like i could use some of those kind words, but as soon as i mention that i am feeling like she doesnt love me, she just sais im being paranoid, then doesnt say anything else. WHAT DO I DO????

Either she is genuinly intersted in you, feels she can relate to you, and wants to have a good friend (the "you're like a brother to me" thing) or shes tired of this guy she is seeing, and wants somebody else, more info on the way she talks about this other person, and what she sais about him would help tho. maybe narrow down the possabilities

I can compleatly relate to how your fiance is feeling (the not being able to perform part i mean) To me the thought of not being "good" is worse then not doing anything at all. TRUST ME!! HES NOT REPULSED BY YOU!!! He is just worried that if he cant make you feel good during sex, that things would be worse off then before. Other people may disagree with me on this point but, I think that after the 2 1/2 months of no sex that, your fiance might be under the impression that you want only the best after such a period of time, and he is worried that he wont live up to your expectations ( i think i just repeated my earlier point...sorry 'bout that) The best advice I can give is to tell him how much you love him, and dont pressure him, the last thing you want is for him to feel like he has to perform, or else...

well, it has been a while since i have posted here cuz things have been going well with me, anywho I have been dating this one girl for 2 years now, and lately things have seemed off, now i dont know if i am just being parinoid or what, but i am genuinely worried. I dont even know what to say to her cuz this seems like a delicate subject cuz it deals with trust. I have tried to talk to her about this, and she just sais im being paranoid. What i really want to know is how do i tell if she still loves me, she sais she isnt going to leave me, and she sais shes happy with what she has, but thats only after i say something. I dont think i have had her say spontaneously that she loves me in a long time. We used to talk on the phone for a long time, but we rarely have a conversation for longer then 15 mins. And since we are both going into university i am worried that she will find somebody else. Its not like we have arguments or get mad at eachother but i think that initial spark that we had is fading, and i want more then anything else to keep it burning bright. any advice about how to tell if she still loves me, and how to make the relationship stronger would be greatly appreciated (i hope this all makes sense, if it doesnt just ask me a question) Thanks EDIT: i suppose i should also add, that nothing makes me happier then just holding her in my arms, so its not like im pressureing her for sex or things like that, i tell her i lover her andwhatnot but i am still concerned

Thanks for the adivce, that really clarifies things for me

Hey everybody, this isnt too serious of a problem, but every time that i try to talk to my g/f about her depression she either gets angry or sais "just stop talking about it." so could somebody tell me what to do about this, should i try to talk to her about it or should i just leave it alone. Her depression isnt somthing that she will be getting over anytime soon and i know that already. thanx for any advice

send it to her, what can you lose

Maggie is right, there is always a chance of pre-cum, and remember it only takes one sperm cell to inpregnate a girl, better not to take the chance, and use a condom

well if you are attracted to both sexes then chances are that you are bi, but if things change to that point that you are compleatly not attracted to males, (to the point that they dont turn you on at all) then you are probabilly les. hope this helps clarify

In my opinion i think that he for some reason doesnt want all his friends to know about your relationship, and that somewhere inside of him he wants you. or the compleat opisite option is that he is just really horny and knows that you want him and is tryin to take advantage of it. both could well be possable, i dont know this guy so i cant say forsure but i if i were you i would be open to having either one of those situations be true. i would like to appologise for the actions of 99.9% of guys, lol and i hope you figure out whats going on

WELL, me and my g/f had a fight and she clamed to hate me too, and she warmed up, its just a matter of time, if he really loves you then you have nothing to worry about. If you are alone with him at the movies (ie with no other friends) then first start to lightly stroke his arm, thats kinda a suttle sign that you want to hold his hand (or better yet go to a scary movie and be scared, guys always fall for that) if its a scary movie then try to pull him close at a particularly scarry part (ya know, wing it), now if all this goes well then, find a point that you think would be good to get him to notice you looking at him (best done if you are close to him) not creepy staring, but when he looks over you may want to look away shyly, or if he locks gazes with you, and doesnt seem annoyed or such, move a little closer to him, but never look away if he dosent move then move closer, keep doing this till you are pretty much touching noses (or heads or however you see fit) and if still he dosent move, then move in for a light tender kiss, and i think you can figure out the rest for yourself . now this should work, cuz it works on almost every guy. And if it doesnt then i dont know what to do then. anywho Hope i am of help

well, almost no matter how hard you try, the beauty thing will probably always be in the back of your mind, BUT that isnt always the truth, if you truly love her then that wont matter, because "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.", now you may think, aw this is just some 17 year old kid, what does he know about love? but hey, take it or leave it, with true love you will soon not care about what she looks like. (why do i sound like a fortune cookie?)

well i cant tell you what to do, only you can tell yourself what to do, you have to tell yourself that you dont need his s#!t, and that you are perfictly capable of finding other people, its a matter of you realizing, "if he is like this when we are friends, what would he be like in a relationship?". thats all there really is hope im of help

well, i can understand your fears, its hard to be 14 and realize something like that, i am personally heterosexual, but i feel that homosexuals shouldnt be ashamed of their sexual orientation ( i even feel bad seperating hetero from homo), i live in Canada where the government is working to make homosexual marrages the same as heterosexual, and there is a lot of argument so people still have a hard time understanding a man and a man or woman and a woman, maybe you should talk to your school counsellor, and see what they say about what you are feeling, but as QTpie said you may just be Bi, but i think that you should continue to talk to the kind people here at enotalone, because there is always someone here to listen

Hey everybody, i havent posted here in a while cuz things have been going pretty good with me, until now...well the thing is my g/f suffers from severe depression (there is a story behind it but its pretty long, if you wanna know it check some of my eariler posts) and because of it she cuts herself, on the outside she doesnt seem that way, cuz she is always so kind and such a good student and such (you get the idea). well about a month ago she told me that she loved me (and I her), but since then she hasn't said it again, and that kinda makes me wonder, and lately she has seemed to close herself off to people that a close to her. as some of you might be wondering, "ya, so, she loves you, whats wrong?" well, for her to say that she loves someone means that she has a very high level of trust, BUT, i kinda wonder about that cuz she wont tell me whats wrong, and all of her close friends can see that something is bothering her. we kinda think that is has something to do with scars, so she cant wear the clothes that she wants, cuz she doesnt want ppl to know about her depression. and i dunno, this kinda doesnt all make sense, im really confused and worried, like one day she will be really happy and not want to leave my side, and other days she wont want to be around me. we (her close friends that know about her depression) want to take her to a doctor, or something, BUT the problem is that she hates the school counsellor, her parents dont seem to care (or think that it is a phase that she will grow out of) and im afraid that if we go to a psychologist that she will get angry and such, and dump me and junk like that, and i really dont know what to do. I hope somebody can help me with this

Ya, wanting to be alone and stuff like that is normal, but not always good, i agree with Mahlina, you should cry and get it all out, but staying at home and not going out with friends or family wont help. My girlfriend has severe depression, and whenever she is feeling down i try to get her to come out and do something with friends. She would try to make excuses at first but after a while she realised that she was starting to feel better about herself and instead of always havin a rain cloud over her head she was starting to get some sunlight. Try to go out and have fun and be able to not think about your problems all the time (dont ignore them and bottle them up though). Just try to think of the happy things in life, not the bad. Hopefully you will feel better soon and that I was of some help

Hey all, Well I have got something ask (well more, just, spill out). I just got back from a family trip, (I left on the 26th and just came back on the 30th), before I left I hadnt really talked to her since the 24th, and when I come back she has become anti-social and dosent want to talk to me. We talk over MSN Messenger and when I told her today that i missed her she said "no you dont, there isnt anything to miss", I replied by saying that there is and i reminded her that i love her, to this she replies "No you dont" from then on she talks less and less and then abruply leaves. Now I am really confused, and dont know what to think. Well I dont know that there is really any questions there but i just needed to talk to someone who will listen. Thanks

That is truly inspirational, and i hope you and her have many happy years together best of luck B.M.