why should i take her back???

[thatboy_e]

its been about one month since my girlfriend broke my heart. NOW she wants me back. she broke up with me because she wanted to live the "single" life ever since she moved in with her friends. she neglected me and never wanted to spend time with me. she would go out all the time without me and never call.

well, now she is begging for me to take her back. i was with her for two years and we were becoming very serious.

during the initial break up, she dated some different people. (some in which i know) they hugged, kissed, but did not sleep together. i have a hard time taking her back for two reasons.

one, she dated people so quickly after the breakup.

two, i graduate college in 1 week and am moving out of town.

we will have to try a long distance relationship for two years. i don't know if i can trust her after what she did, especially when i will be moving.

she tells me that she made the biggest mistake of her life and all she wants is to be back with me, and be her future husband.

yeah, it sounds great now, but i don't know how long this will last.

i desperately do not want to get hurt again, but i still love her sooooo much. i don't know if i can trust what she says.

I am so confused.

[BlondeBoy]

Dating other people so soon after ending the relationship with you is probably more down to loneliness than having moved on emotionally. Some people need to have that feedback from the opposite sex to make themselves feel good. Even so, it is a little insensitive. This girl is going to have to prove to you just how serious she is, that is if she is ...could be female curiosity or a weakness on her part. She can demonstrate that by laying off the other fellas for a start! You gotta ask yourself is it you she wants or just a relationship?

 

Do yourselves a favour and get over each other before you consider getting back. Just being lonely or missing someone is not a valid reason to relight an old flame.

 

If you are moving in the near future, your life is going to change and chances are you will too. Imagine if you missed out on oppurtunities with other fantastic girls only to find that when you met up with this one again, both of you had changed beyond recognition or that she had found another bloke.

[determined]

How long were you split up for? And how do you know she wasn't intimate with other guys mate?

[bzborow1]

I think you should have a little respect for yourself and tell this girl, "thx, but not thanks...you made your bed, and now you gotta lie in it". Don't ever forget this girl got bored with you and wanted to be with other guys, only now that she's been in the dating scene and realizing how good you are she's coming back. But what happens six months from now? What happens if you are in a long-distance relationship? Past behavior indicates future behavior. That is, if you take her back...you better not be surprised when she uses you for her needs again and then says, "i need to see what's out there."

 

Moreover, you are moving out of town...so why try to make a long-distance relationship work? She's already proven she'll date guys to feed her loneliness (which she will be when you are living somewhere else). I say save yourself the headache and tell this girl, "thx, but no thx".

[charmed]

Hi thatboy_e,

 

"i desperately do not want to get hurt again"

 

Well, I think you know the situation that youare in now. The big factor is that you are moving away. Why would she want to get back with you and be in a relationship with you when you are moving away?

 

I do understand that you love this girl, and I of course am bearing this in mind. She, however, sounds like she really doesn't know what she wants. She has messed you around when it suited her, and it sounds like she found that she had made a mistake. Nonetheless, she was willing to sacrifice the relationship with you to go and experiment. That says that she didn't value the relationship that much then, and what is to say that she won't value it again in the future, especially if you are not around !!

 

My advice is that you should move away, without this disfunctional relationship hanging around your neck. If you miss her so much in a few months time, then perhaps you should consider getting with her, but this relationship is broken, and fixing it from a distance is a huge huge risk for you. I say that, because you have said you desperately don't want to get hurt again, and I fear that you may well get hurt in the future with this girl should it suit her to do so.

 

Use this oppertunity moving away as an oppertunity to get her out of your head for a while. You are lucky, because it is an easier thing to get over someone when you have a big change in your life. i suggest have a chat with her, and let her know that you don't want to commit to a relationship with her at the moment with your move coming up, and you want to see how things work out in the new location. You are being honest with her here, and I would say try not to get into a discussion about the why's and but's of this situation. Of course, you need to decide what you want to do, but thats my 50 cents !!

 

Hope this helps you some,

[thatboy_e]

That is what i am so afraid of. Getting hurt once again. She seems so sincere and all she wants to do is be with me. How do I know if she wants to be with me because she is lonely or because she really does truly love me and want to be with me forever. I know she broke up with me too for the ways that i sometimes treated her. So i also feel like i have to prove myself to her that i too can be a good man.

My problem is trust.

I don't know how long she will sincerly do anything to have me.

I don't want to regret not giving us one more shot in the future, then again i don't want to take a chance of getting hurt again.

 

Do you think it is ok for a girlfriend/boyfriend to go out to bars and parties even though they have a boyfriend or girlfriend?

[charmed]

Hi there!

 

How happy are you to go out with this girl and see her only a few times a year? Can you trust her in that relationship? And you need to be able to trust her now - not have to develop that trust whil she is out of sight.

 

Risk risk risk. It's really something that you are going to have to think about and decide. Certainly, don't jump back into a relationship before you think long and hard about this.

 

This decision is not easy, but you should make a selfish decision and think only about yourself here. You have no formal ties with this girl now, and you can walk away. Simply, are you willing to risk getting hurt again by her while you are in your new home? That is the choice you have to make here.

 

~

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

I dont want to tell you what to do, but to be honest with you if you take her back after what she did to you, you will resent her during the relationship, trust issues with her will also be very prevalent, and then you have that "why don't i date a few people myself" attitude. Focus on your schooling and concentrate on being a success, I would date her but I wouldnt rush right back into a commitment with her, she had 2 years to figure this out and she couldnt so you do things at your own pace and live your life, that way if things work out, you did it your way and you will be sure about it.

[lil_mamarains13]

I agree with SweetypieEnlightenedOne. Long distance relationships are hard especially without trust. If it were meant to be it will. Good Luck with the move.

[waylander]

Graduate, move away, and forget her. There are a million fish in the river, and you deserve better. That wasn't nice what she did to you. Somoeone who loved you would never have done that. There are better people out there. I wouldn't make her your wife. Find somebody who will never leave you, always want to be by your side. That's the way it should be.

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

Go waylander Go!!! WHOOOP WHOOOP

I TOTALLY AGREE!!!!

[badboyjoe5050]

Well as for me, we all know what it feels like to lose someone, PAINFUL. She knows what she lost and I am sure she is telling you things like she has changed and she loves you the most of all the guys she has met. I would think she has changed. After my girlfriend broke up with me from a 2 year relationship, I was crushed and did everything to get her back. THe 2 1/2 weeks that we have been away now, I have changed bigtime into a better person. Everyone things that its the person who broke up with us is at fault..... Its not, we have to realize that it was both our faults. Either it was not enough communication or just saying stupid little things that hurt after awhile until one of us got fet up.

Basically what I am trying to say is you know how you felt when she left you, and you know feelings have changed between you two , but if she honestly cries over you and really seems sincer, MAYBE you should be friends and over time tell her that maybe you two can get back together. Your heart has a harder case around it now, you have control and I bet it feels good. If you do date her, now you know that you can be the one to break it off this time........... but what she did was wrong and make her realize that. I would tell her to write you a 500 word e-mail why you should take her back after what she has done to you......... then tell us what happens and keep us posted!!!

[thatboy_e]

thank you so much for everyone's support.

she wrote me this long letter telling me how much she realized that she needed and missed me. she said that she made the biggest mistake of her life and she would do anything for me to love her again.

i have been spending time with her, just to see if i still had the feelings for her. i do, but i often find myself distancing myself from her "just incase" i get hurt again.

i would like to give it one last try, but at the same time i will always be thinking in my head, if i could trust her. especially in a long distance relationship.

if i do not give her a chance, then i am afraid that i will beat myself up in the future wondering if we really could have worked things out.

i don't know which chance i should take. i still love her and i know she loves me (for now however). i am just so afraid that she will go back to her old ways.