how to break it off

[bulls03]

I have started dating more recently and have struggled with how to end things after I go on a date and I find I am not interested. If I am not interested in that person after the date am I obligated to call them and tell them that. Or is simply not calling them doing that job for me. I don't want to disrespect people I just don't want to be mean about it either..help

[Urbanbilly]

Be honest but polite. "I just didn't feel the connection I'm looking for--the chemistry wasn't there" is one I've used. Let's 'em know it's not their fault, but gets the message accross.

[annie24]

I have started dating more recently and have struggled with how to end things after I go on a date and I find I am not interested. If I am not interested in that person after the date am I obligated to call them and tell them that. Or is simply not calling them doing that job for me. I don't want to disrespect people I just don't want to be mean about it either..help

 

if you've been on less than 3 dates, then i don't think you have to call and tell the person you won't be calling them anymore. i think it's awkward. after i have a date, and if the guy doesn't call me within 1 week, i just assume he is not interested and i move on. i think after 4 or more dates, that's when you should tell the person that you won't be contacting them anymore.

 

i think it's more disrespectful for a guy who's only been out with me once or twice to call me and tell me he doesn't want to see me anymore. i would find that rather rude and presumptious.

[Roasted Carrots]

If you know at the end of the date, I would follow something like Urbanbilly suggested:

 

"I had a great time, but maybe we should just stay friends."

 

"You're a great guy, I'm just not feeling a romantic connection."

 

"Thanks for a lovely evening. Take care."

 

"You sound like a great guy, but I dont' think we enough in common for a relationship"

 

etc, etc, etc.

 

I think any of these can be used for 3 or less dates. After that you may have to have an actual conversation about why you're breaking it off.

 

I agree annie24 i think I would be hurt to receive a call after 1-2 dates saying there will be no more contact.

 

I think you will find that most of them will "fizzle" without any need for a closure conversation, especially if both parties were uninterested.

[annie24]

"Thanks for a lovely evening. Take care."

 

i would say this, before i said any of the others. unless he asked me out on a second date and wasn't feeling it, then i would say that i didn't feel a connection. or i might give him a second chance, sometimes people are nervous on first dates or had a bad day, and you want to give them another chance.

 

but unprompted, i don't say anything. i just say, 'have a nice night.....' i agree with the 'fizzling out' when both are uninterested. that's easy.

[servedcold]

There is no need for any sort of "breaking it off" talk unless and until you are involved in a regular dating pattern with her, and in my opinion, there is no set number of dates where this happens. After several dates, you can certainly make such a call as a courtesy if you want to, but it isn't an obligation.

 

The year is 2008, she presumably has a phone, if you go out a few times then stop calling, she can call and ask you out, or just call up to say hey. If she doesn't, she likely didn't care to continue dating either, and if she does, then that is the time to tell her you don't see things continuing.

 

You are never obligated to continue asking someone out until you have agreed to date them exclusively, or until you have established a pattern of going out on certain days.

 

As others have said, calling just to say it isn't working may seem like the polite idea, but it can also be presumptuous.

[ghost69]

be straight up. don't make others question you.

[confused25]

It would be good if you would send her an email or text letting her know what happened. Calling is not necessary if you only had one date.

[CaptainNapalm]

Yes I agree with both ghost and confused. You do not want to keep anyone guessing or waiting for your response to a date. Rather than calling I would just send an email and politely state that you're not interested. There is no need to call or do it in person unless you've dated them on more than 3 occasions.

[george237]

Try calling the next day and saying this "I had a great time last night and your a really sweet guy but I have a lot of stuff going on in my life and I am not ready to date anyone"

[annie24]

Try calling the next day and saying this "I had a great time last night and your a really sweet guy but I have a lot of stuff going on in my life and I am not ready to date anyone"

 

i wouldn't say that unless you really are busy. otherwise, when he sees your profile up on a dating site the next week, or he sees you out on a date around town, he'll know that it's total bunk. better to just say, 'i don't feel that the chemistry is there' and leave it be.

[chocolates]

Its best not be presumptuous. Take this as an example

 

Last wek i went on a 1st coffee date with this guy, after msning over 2 days.

 

Anyway, we talked for an hour at the coffee shop OR SHOULD I SAY HE TALKED BUT THATS A WHOLE OTHER THREAD

 

And i went to the loo, and came back and this was his speech:

 

"Your a nice person, but there is no connection here, and if you want to talk online thats OK"

 

I thought that was really rude and presumptuous, because the way he was saying it he was just assuming that i felt differently.

 

And then i had this embarrassed look on my face which probably made him think i liked him, but the fact was i couldnt get over his cockiness.

 

I wasnt attracted to him at all as it turned out. But i would never have said that.

 

You never know what the other person is thinking.

[ghost69]

'hey i had a great time the other night. but i just don't think it would work out. i wish you the best. take care.'

[metallicastr2k]

your not really obligated to do anything. If you dont feel you liked them and things didnt work for you why should you be obligated to tell them that, it will make you seem like a jerk and prolly mess with them. I usually just move on.