He said we are on a break

[nicola1988]

Hi could someone help me i feel so confused and stressed out.

 

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for two years and we specnd most of or time together. We met at college and spent everyday at college together and most days after as well. then at about 1 year of us going out i found out he cheated on me. I was devasted because he was my first long term relationship(i had had only two bf's before him that lasted a couple of weeks) and i said i had to think about things and i'd either meet up with him or not. When i finally decided i would he was crying his eyes out and saying how much he felt bad and wished he had never done it etc. I had never seen him cry before so i thought he was deeply sorry and decided to stay with him. Later on the next year i found out he had started emailing girls , but when i confronted him he went mental saying why i was looking at his emails etc? and i was confused with who was in the wrong etc. Then recently i manged to figure out his password and after i promised never to do it agian i just couldn't help it so i looked and he had recently started talking to them again. going on dating sites seeking women. I wasn't sure if he just wanted to chat or what but i confronted him because i was so angry. He then said how we weren't working out and that he thought we should end it. I was staying at his house for the weekend and didn't want to go home so i after nearly a whole day of crying and talking he said i could stay. I woke up in the morning and asked him if we could try going on a break and he decided it was a good idea. (because i am very cingly and i think thats whats driving him away as we still spend about 5 days a week together) At the end of the weekend he said he'd like to see me the next day, i was ocnfused i thought we were going on a break but he said he couldn't live without me for two weeks. So of course i was really happy and saw him as normal. But his best friend had just split up with his gf over the weekend and they were def not getting back together so they've pretty much spent every night running and hanging out, while i've had to sit in his house waiting on him coming back.Anyway Friday was our night off and i work saturday morning. My bf said to me he'd say me saturday night and i usually stay over at his on a saturday. So on saturday afternoon i asked him if i could go early to his and would he be in and he said that he didn't know what he was doing with Andy so he might not be able to see me tonight. So i texted him back asking if i could maybe come over at about 9 so he could be with andy the whole time then me at night when we go to bed. He texted back saying he'd see and he would text or phone me. It was half 9 and i had heard nothing back so i texted him asking what's your answer but it said message pending so i tried phoning him and his phone was off. So i phoned Andy and he got him for me, and he was really angry that i had phoned Andy to get to him and said to me , you know that break we were spose to have, well we're taking it now, then hung up on me.

 

I'm so confused with everything i don't understand why he wants to be away from me but when he is with me he is all over me and seems as though he really loves me. Does anyone understand my situation ? if so anyone got any advice. I really need it

 

Thankyou

[Clabs]

Hi Nicola

 

Sorry about this confusing mess - it sucks, doesn't it.

 

This guy is no good for you - he has cheated and continues to look at other girls profiles on dating sites. As hard as this may be to read, you are his safety net - his backup plan.

 

Sounds like he wanted the relationship to end, behaved badly and you gave him an out with that break thing.

 

You say that you are clingy - and that usually points to low self esteem and lack of confidence. It is hardly surprising seeing as how he treated you.

 

Darling - as hard as it seems - walk away from him. Aren't you worth much more than this? Don't you deserve to be with someone who will love and cherish you and make you feel safe and walm rather than this rotten jerk who causes you to worry and go look at his email because you don't trust him?

 

Don't let him use you like he is now - have some more respect for yourself please hun. It will be better - you will find someone better - just stop letting him manipulate you.

 

Mark

[Scoobie]

And you eventually want to marry this person?

 

Is this someone you would want to be with your whole life?

 

Thank about this very hard.

[nicola1988]

I do want someone who would care for me like i do him but all the guys i ever meet are jerks or ugly etc. I feel i'll never meet the right person. Plus i lost my virginity to him , i feel sick just htinking about another guy touching me. The reason i want him is because when he is nice he is the nicest person i have ever met. I don't have any friends other than him and i think it's because of that that i cling on to him so much and that bugs him. He wants to have a good time with his friends knowing i'm having fun too and not moping about. I just want him to love me the way he used to and how i love him. I care for him so much. But i hate how nasty he has been recently i want to be able to change to make him happy and if he's happy he'll be nicer.

[Clabs]

Hi again Nicola

 

I know the feeling that you are going through - most of us do - nobody else will be good enough - nobody will ever match up. That is natural when your relationship implodes.

 

It is never good to be clingy - that can sometimes drive them away. It may even point to why he has been nasty to you - because anything else may have been construed as hope on your part.

 

You need to try and find some other interests - some othe friends. If you have all your eggs in one basket then a loss is a total loss. Why not try joining a club or a gym - get yourself out there and begin rebuilding your confidence - slowly and surely you will realise that you don't need someone else to make you happy except you.

 

Mark

[george237]

I would cut your losses and get out now. He will most likely never change and will continue to hurt you. I know it is going to hurt you by leaving him but it is going to hurt more if you stay. There are plenty of other fish out there that will love being loved by you, not take it for granted.

[dreamwarrior]

Hi there hope you are feeling better.

 

First of all if he loved you then you would not be so miserable......second do you love him more than yourself??? Why give him this power?

 

Dear did you graduate college? If not, do so.

 

Listen he is not worth the salt in your tears...how old are you? 20 perhaps. Self worth is what you lack and he is taking advantage of you...don't waste time on his games...go out and see the world and take care of yourself.

 

No more contact...I cannot stress this enough....don't beg, cry, plead either...don't be needy or clingy....men hate this more than I can tell you. As I mentioned in some of my other posts...men like strong, independent, and self assured women.

 

You think for one minute I am going to hunt down my ex or sit around crying....after I broke up with him I cried two days, was angry two days and the rest of the time I have been thinking of myself and he is the one who keeps trying to keep me...and I told him I only want to be his friend nothing more. Read some of my posts and then you will understand where I am coming from.

 

I never was clingy...actually, I felt as though I was the man in the relationship. I worked, paid the bills, groceries, took care of him for 3 years like a child...he was the one who was needy...and I don't want that in a man.

 

I am 43 years old and for sure I am not going to dedicate my life to any man who lets his mother rule is every move...time for him to grow up.

 

Clabs is right I agree with his posts...now there is a man with some very good advice.

 

There are nearly 7 billion people on the planet don't make him your only friend.....what about your family and your girlfriends from college?...Do you have a job? What do you do for activities? If you don't have any then make some.

 

Goodness I could go on like this all day.

 

Do you go to the gym? If not start....as part of most gym memberships you get a body analysis and free personal trainer session....good health starts now...get in tune with your mind, body, and spirit.

 

Final word of advice...let him gooooooooooooooo ...he is way to immature to give you want you want or need.

 

 

The rest of your life starts now.

 

Best of luck...hope to hear from you.

[joejoechen]

I can tell you honestly there are MANY cases outside like this.

 

Girls ALWAYS THINK that they can change a guy's bad attitude, and the answer is NO NO. Some even think that "oh, maybe if i'm married with him he won't do it again, or he'll at least make some changes to a better person". but this is usually not the case, ok maybe he'll be better after marriage, but slowly without realising he'll be back in the same square.

 

you will certainly ruin your future, if you think you want to marry him, and change him, you will 100% regret on it later on, my dad was like that. so unless you love him for who he is now, including his bad attitudes, or not love him anymore.

 

Good luck mate~

[dreamwarrior]

I agree with joejoechen,

 

The only way a person will change is if he wants it bad enough...it's not your job to change him. You only have the ability to change yourself.

 

Two things never marry a man and think you are going to change him and two never have kids with a man thinking this will change him. If he is crappy to you now he will be even worse in the marriage.

 

Do you have any type of career? Focus on yourself. Find out why you feel so needy and clingy. Sorry if I sound hard core, but I am.

 

I am a female warrior and my friends are people of great courage who I admire. Most of the people I ever knew were military. I was born and lived on base until 3 and then lived on my aunt and uncles ranch doing hard labor as a teenager. I was the only girl in a family of men and all them were military, even several of my ex's were military and their fathers and many of my friends, and I am also an Indian. I went to the last American Indian festival and did you know that 70% of our military are Native Americans??

 

Don't sell yourself short hon...you were born for a reason and it's your job to fulfill your destiny. Find the beauty in yourself. What you think in this whole planet this is the only guy for you???

 

If he were my bf I would chew him up and spit him out. Most men won't dare tangle with me. I don't like to be harsh, but dear it's all about survival. This guy don't deserve one single moment more of your time, energy, or tears.

 

Good luck to you..and best of wishes for a happy future.

[nicola1988]

Thanks for everything you are saying. He's not made contact with me yet and neither have i , i am holding strong, well as strong as i can be. Yeah i work but everyone is much older than me so don't really want to hang around with me, except for two girls about my age but they don't like me there always * * * * * ing about me. I spoke to my mum last night and i think i'm going to join a dance class or something. If i can control how clingy i am and be more confident i think it might work between us but if i do all that and it doens't then i guess eh's not for me. I really want it to work but my mum said last night if i can't have an argument with him without him suggesteing we break up then it's not worth it.

[Clabs]

Hey Nicola

 

That is the spirit darling. That is a great idea about joining a dance class - or take up a new hobby or go to evening class and learn something new. It will help you to become a better person and as you begin to feel more confident you will become less clingy and with time you'll start to glow. And you can use that as an upward spiral out of this and to a better place.

 

I think your mum is right and that it it is not worth it - but regardless, do these things for you because if you do you will open yourself up to a whole lot of new exciting possibilities.

 

Mark