How common is the cold approach?

[Shudder]

Since most of my friends are in relationships (not the best wingmen), I was wondering how common the cold approach is.. like at the bookstore/bus stop etc?

[lillie]

Since most of my friends are in relationships (not the best wingmen), I was wondering how common the cold approach is.. like at the bookstore/bus stop etc?

 

Cold approach? How do you mean?

[Shudder]

like start talking to someone @ the mall or something. and if you have good rapport after 5/10 mins ask on a date.

[lillie]

like start talking to someone @ the mall or something. and if you have good rapport after 5/10 mins ask on a date.

 

Oh i see.. I thought you meant like giving them the eye & turning away!lol..

 

Well i dont know how common it is or if there has been any polls. But i dont think its common enough..

Not where i live!

 

Is it common where you live?

[lillie]

However the really cold approach to me is a turn off.

 

The ones where they are quite obviously just trying their luck,i hate that. But the ones with finesse are all too rare

[Snoopy24]

To tell you the truth, I have always felt very uncomfortable when a guy randomly approaches me.

 

The mall and bookstore is one of the worst places IMO.

 

The mall I want to get in/out. Get what I want and leave.

 

The bookstore, I like to stay to myself.

 

One time I was at a bookstore and I was looking at a whole bunch of self help books. This guy walked up to me and ask me what books I was getting! haha I felt like telling him to mind his own business and go away! Then he kept persisting he buy me a cup of coffee. I felt really uncomfortable and left.

 

 

I would say the best places would be a bar, if you want go up to someone randomly. Usually people are there to mingle and talk to people.

 

before you go up to someone, make sure you smile, and see if they give you a welcoming smile back. If they do, then go for it. Otherwise she is not interested at all.

[itsallgrand]

Haha, so I'm not the only one sneaking around the self help section. "oh god, nobody talk to me or lean over my shoulder here..ah, ok" and even bolt to another section if need be.

 

Goofy stuff.

 

In a bookstore, better luck at the coffee bar or even in the lit or science fiction section or politics or anthropology or history..

 

but not the self help section. lol.

 

I'm alright with cold approaches, when they are personal and appropriate - but it's pretty rare those end with a date. (speaking as moi). They almost always turn me a little chilly unless they are "coincidence" or "accidental" which is sort of weird.

But I mean - when there is an actual reason or event to be bringing us to talk in the first place.

 

So I guess I'm saying I don't like it cold. ha.

 

Unfortunately, more cold approaches come accross as busts than charming, to tell the truth. It's much trickier business than usual...

[Brightest Dark]

I think you at least need to be very physically attractive to get anywhere at the mall/bus stop. I would be a bit weirded out by a guy trying to get me on a date if it was at either of those. Personally I'd suggest if you are going to try one of those you should take a more slower approach and not ask for a date, but start talking about something like myspace and just try and swap addresses or email addresses - and then email for a bit. I think it would be weird for someone to agree to go on a date with someone she only just met at the bus stop or mall.

[lillie]

I think i would like to be approached at the book shop,supermarket,park..

 

But only in a Hugh Grant kind of way..Like a silly but charming way. I actually hope quite a lot that a nice man will hit on me in this kind of way. It like you see in the films..

 

But iv only ever had smiles by the nice men. Only the drunkards or weirdos have ever hit on me!

[Lucy__lou]

I like the 'cold' approach. It's worked on me a few times, although I'm yet to try it myself. Apparently it worked for Socrates. I bet he didn't keep within his own clique.

 

It takes a certain talent though. To be able to come up with something to say which will either make the person laugh, or engage them some other way. Of course some people will consider it a nuisance. But you just leave them alone, reconsider your approach, but don't necessarily give up the cold approach. The world would be more colourful and interesting if we did it more. And it will mean that everyone has a greater pick.

 

Compare England and it's colonies, and how people are reserved and often lonely and alienated, and then think of parts of Latin America where people (esp men) are very sexually aggressive and also very much predisposed to trying to pick up strangers on the street. Somewhere inbetween the two would probably be better.

 

 

In my case, one time (in Australia) a guy liked my hat, asked me about it, and basically we just kept talking, I don't know what about, but we ended up exchanging numbers etc.

 

The second time, (in Belize) a boy said hello to me in passing and I greeted him back (it was a small town, so friendliness to strangers was more normal), and then later I saw him in a cafe, his friend worked there, so he was visiting his friend there and used that chance to chat with me, (I was alone), and ended up arranging to meet up again and I went on some adventures with him.

 

I know a guy who made lots of friends in a short time (in spite of some shyness), because he wasn't afraid to be a bit submissive, and basically, always started conversations with a question. Even if it made him look a bit useless (he was Japanese, so he played on the "I'm not from here" thing a bit). It worked. Ask questions, ask directions, then ask philisophical questions if you're brave, and if the person is in the mood, you might just make the life of the street a bit more interesting.

[itsallgrand]

Re: your submissive friend who is Japanese.

 

Made me laugh. I've had an experience of meeting a friend who took the same bus as me each day, who was like that. It worked.

He was Korean and we discussed the nuances of fast food burgers versus good asian food.

He had not yet tried Burger King, so great opening there.

 

lol. To meet friends, it's less of a possible nuisance all together.

 

Though when it is done right and with the right person, a cold meeting can lead to something romantic. To me - it's just got to be genuine.

 

Like this guy who spontaneously offered to shield me from the wind and rain. It wasn't a go, but I appreciated the gesture.

 

I think it's all about hitting the right moment, the right person and place.

 

Example of what not to do: Swivel your head on a street and yell out "HEY! How yoooou doin'? " while making hourglass figures with your hands.

 

This thread cracks me up.

[Bkoguy07]

I've had some fun experiences meeting people cold off the street... mainly in Hawaii on the Waikiki strip... but these aren't necessarily cold... like I was talking to a girl on the phone over looking a balcony and this girl was also on the phone the floor below and she was hotttttt smokkkkinnn... so i smiled and she smiled back... well anyways i ran into her on an elevator a night later, and we hit it off...After she left there was a few other girls that were available... alot of it is body language for me to even approach cuz i'm kinda shy and no one likes getting shot down

[Shudder]

 

Example of what not to do: Swivel your head on a street and yell out "HEY! How yoooou doin'? " while making hourglass figures with your hands.

 

 

funny you mention this cause one evening (i think it was last month) i was just walking to the bank to get some $ and this girl walked past me. i heard some guys cat call from a car, and then realized that they pulled over to have one of them run after her to try get her number. i never saw her face so i dunno how she looked like..

[Bkoguy07]

funny you mention this cause one evening (i think it was last month) i was just walking to the bank to get some $ and this girl walked past me. i heard some guys cat call from a car, and then realized that they pulled over to have one of them run after her to try get her number. i never saw her face so i dunno how she looked like..

 

 

oh man i miss being single lol

[servedcold]

IMO, the cold approach, though talked about lots, isn't that common. It takes a very thick skin, dedication and mainly raw numbers. Other than at night out, I don't see many people doing the cold approach out in public. Other ways of meeting are more efficient.

[lillie]

Maybe technology has been the demise of the cold approach?

 

I may be old fashioned,but i look at this kind of approach (if done right) as exciting & romantic as well as interesting & fun.

 

I nearly had the cold approach twice yesterday,but they didnt follow through!

It may be the English reserve,or maybe they were just being friendly,we will never know!lol But i am definitely up for this kind of approach!

 

He who dares wins!

[shy2cool]

The thought of the cold approach frightens me!!!!!!

[Lucy__lou]

I don't use the cold approach to pick up, per se, but I do talk to people I come accross in passing. I guess I just chat with whoever is around about whatever is happening around us, at the lights, in line somewhere, wherever, without paying attention to whether they're attractive or not. I just want to liven up my day so I try to get laughs out of people, start up banter, whatever, all in the name of making a moment less boring. But every once in a while that random person happens to be cute, so it's like, bingo!

[ghost69]

when i read 'cold' i think rude or uninterested. i think this term sucks for this situation.

 

but walking up to a complete stranger having a quick conversation and getting a number is simple.

[servedcold]

When I think "cold approach," I'm thinking grocery stores, libraries, the gym and the street, not clubs, bars or parties. Places where there is no "warmup" or expectation that a stranger may approach you. When I start up dating again, going to more pure cold approach in addition to the usual ways of meeting, thanks to Lillie's post in this thread.

[Shudder]

when i read 'cold' i think rude or uninterested. i think this term sucks for this situation.

 

but walking up to a complete stranger having a quick conversation and getting a number is simple.

 

yea i had no idea what to call this kinda approach lol

[ghost69]

yea i had no idea what to call this kinda approach lol

 

let's name it the 'ghost' lol

[lillie]

When I think "cold approach," I'm thinking grocery stores, libraries, the gym and the street, not clubs, bars or parties. Places where there is no "warmup" or expectation that a stranger may approach you. When I start up dating again, going to more pure cold approach in addition to the usual ways of meeting, thanks to Lillie's post in this thread.

 

 

 

Well i think im a hopeless romantic at heart. I think all those films made me appreciate the cold approach,like where the ladies get approached by the charming,attractive man or the quirky interesting man. and who feels like he just has to speak to her..

Im a very approachable woman anyway,but that would bowl me over! Even if i wasnt immediately attracted to him,the fact that he went out of his way to get my attention,was charming or funny,would mean kick start my interest..

 

I would never be rude or offensive. But i think there is an art to this approach.

 

But practice makes perfect. And what the heck if you get knocked back or she hits you with her bag!lol

 

A knock back is a knock back be it in a club,cafe,email etc so whats the difference?

 

But dont take my word for it because i have watched many romantic films in my life,maybe too many!

[servedcold]

I think you have a healthy attitude about it, but as you imply, it takes a certain romantic attitude for a woman to welcome a cold advance, and for every woman out there who is open to it, there is at least one who is absolutely hostile to it, and will respond angrily.

 

So for us guys, who really don't want to go around pissing women off and getting the rep of a creep or perv, we have to balance the risk of that v the reward of meeting someone like you more open to it. I will journal my experiences with it here, probably sometime in July-August, as don't have time atm with some life and career issues to tend to before getting back to dating. Should be a fun journal. Thanks again for the inspiration.

[lillie]

I think you have a healthy attitude about it, but as you imply, it takes a certain romantic attitude for a woman to welcome a cold advance, and for every woman out there who is open to it, there is at least one who is absolutely hostile to it, and will respond angrily.

 

So for us guys, who really don't want to go around pissing women off and getting the rep of a creep or perv, we have to balance the risk of that v the reward of meeting someone like you more open to it. I will journal my experiences with it here, probably sometime in July-August, as don't have time atm with some life and career issues to tend to before getting back to dating. Should be a fun journal. Thanks again for the inspiration.

 

No,thank you! I will look forward to reading your journal on this topic,it will be very interesting..

 

You are totally right though,for every woman like me there will be at the very least one who would be offended or scared!!lol haha There has been so many sketches on this particular scene,how to do it the successful way & the downright disastrous way!

 

Well thanks for reading my posts & replying..And also best of luck with it!