When do you give up hope?

[christinesee]

It's now day 12 since the last time I received a message from my cyber friend. I'm am really struggling today because so many things are reminding me of him. I still check my messages everday several times a day this is just killing me. When do I give up? Can anyone relate?

[JeckyllNHyde]

What where you two? Just friends? Dating?

It sucks when they do something like this. Been thru it in the past. It's like watching wet paint dry, and maybe 10x worse.

 

I say give up now, and wait for him to contact you. Don't torture yourself waiting for him to reappear.

[CaptainNapalm]

Yes I've experienced this before. Met someone online who I loved corresponding with for quite a while and then just out of the blue she discontinued contact for no reason. Like you, I would check my mailbox over and over again for messages, check my junk folder, check MSN, facebook, etc to see if she contacted me but she didn't. My recommendation would be not to wait any further and just move on and find someone else to interact with. Even if you don't find a replacement for a great cyber friend/dating partner/whatever, you will at least keep yourself preoccupied with other people and this will help you pass time as well as get your mind off of the loss of contact. You'll feel better in time and who knows maybe you'll hear back from them again and if not, at the very least you can meet some new people that keep your mind off of the individual in question. By the way, do you have any other way of contacting him rather than the net? What is something happened, knock on wood, and he just can't get to the internet?

[christinesee]

Thank you for your reply. I do have his cell and have called, but he did not pick up. His last message to me was upbeat and he asked me a question about how my day was going. I do really fear that something has happened. He did not seem at all like the type that would pull this. We had NO falling out.. we just enjoyed one another. This has me torn apart inside. I don't know how I'm going to live with not ever knowing. He put a smile. and this silly special grin on my face everday for the past 8 months. This is just awful.

[christinesee]

What where you two? Just friends? Dating?

It sucks when they do something like this. Been thru it in the past. It's like watching wet paint dry, and maybe 10x worse.

 

I say give up now, and wait for him to contact you. Don't torture yourself waiting for him to reappear.

 

We meet online. I would say we were more than friend's after a few months of writing. We even had plans to meet in person as we both were very much looking forward to that.

[equinox]

I know where you're coming from allright. One of my best friends I met online, she lived in another country and though I've met her in person a few times she still loves there. I last talked to her 4 weeks ago and I've heard nothing since, no mails, no textx, no calls, nothing. What makes it really worrying is that I know her well enough that I know she wouldn't just sever contact but that something bad is wrong. Sadly, there's nothing I can do but hope to god she is ok

[Excalibur]

Again, this is a strictly on-line association. You have no way to know if what you were told and your interpretation of it based on your experiences is an accurate interpretation of them as a person in any way or not.

 

This is someone who had alot of time on their hands, needed an ego boost, and possibly wanted an option for involvement for emotional and physical gratification somewhere down the line.

 

Now, there is more going on in their "real world" than their "fantasy world" and they are not on line living vicariously and virtually with you.

 

That's all it is.

[christinesee]

I know where you're coming from allright. One of my best friends I met online, she lived in another country and though I've met her in person a few times she still loves there. I last talked to her 4 weeks ago and I've heard nothing since, no mails, no textx, no calls, nothing. What makes it really worrying is that I know her well enough that I know she wouldn't just sever contact but that something bad is wrong. Sadly, there's nothing I can do but hope to god she is ok

 

 

I'm real sorry to hear that your going through sort of the same thing, because I know how much it simply sucks to wonder. I will pray that both of our frineds are ok.

[christinesee]

Again, this is a strictly on-line association. You have no way to know if what you were told and your interpretation of it based on your experiences is an accurate interpretation of them as a person in any way or not.

 

This is someone who had alot of time on their hands, needed an ego boost, and possibly wanted an option for involvement for emotional and physical gratification somewhere down the line.

 

Now, there is more going on in their "real world" than their "fantasy world" and they are not on line living vicariously and virtually with you.

 

That's all it is.

 

You have no way to know if what you were told and your interpretation of it based on your experiences is an accurate interpretation of them as a person in any way or not.

 

You are very correct, I have no clue.

[Excalibur]

HEre's the thing - if you're going to continue to mentally "explore" elements - ask yourself why someone you've never met, don't personally know means so much to you that you're spending all this time and energy on them at all?

 

that's revealing about your life - so that you can fix yourself, and not repeat this type of situation.

[equinox]

I'm real sorry to hear that your going through sort of the same thing, because I know how much it simply sucks to wonder. I will pray that both of our frineds are ok.

 

Thanks nd I think you're right, it's in His hands now.

[Bunney]

Again, this is a strictly on-line association. You have no way to know if what you were told and your interpretation of it based on your experiences is an accurate interpretation of them as a person in any way or not.

 

This is someone who had alot of time on their hands, needed an ego boost, and possibly wanted an option for involvement for emotional and physical gratification somewhere down the line.

 

Now, there is more going on in their "real world" than their "fantasy world" and they are not on line living vicariously and virtually with you.

 

That's all it is.

 

 

You know this is one thing I really don't like about you, you're always assuming stuff and talking as if you know.

 

 

Maybe the guy lost internet connection for some reason. Maybe he got into a bad accident and is in hospital now. Maybe his cell has no battery and he can't find his loader (lol this happens to me ALL the time). Or something else bad happened. There are a lots of thing that could've happened and I rather doubt that he would ALL THE SUDDEN cut all ties with you after asking you how your day was and your plans to meet up in person.

 

Are you member of a same community page as him, you could find out about him that way. Or do you have mutual friends?

 

After you have tried everything to get in contact with him, move on and find other people to talk with. He will probably show up again and then you can listen to his reasons but til then I wouldn't make any rash assumptions...

[Excalibur]

Many things could be why he's not in contact...but THAT HE IS NOT IN CONTACT is what is causing the op concern/upset/distress.

 

So it's important for her to go over what she does KNOW for a fact.....they've never met in person, she's not sure of who he is at all, and so she's been corresonding with a fantasy image that she created in her head, based on her wants, needs, desires, using his word to form her impressions of him, etc.

 

So she has no way to know anything about "why" he might not be in contact.

 

But she knows that her lack of contact with him is causing her to be uspet...that's something she can explore about why a virtual relationship where there are no knowns of each other in fact, is causing her such distress.

 

if she makes no rash assumptions as to why he's not in contact, she won't make excuses for why he's not either.

There are a lots of thing that could've happened and I rather doubt that he would ALL THE SUDDEN cut all ties with you after asking you how your day was and your plans to meet up in person. In my player days - this is exactly the approach i'd take. I'd be talking with lots of people, getting all kinds of attention, I was entertaining offers, making plans, assessing opportunities - I had quite a few people thru the 'on line" method but I never thought of anything I planned or promised as serious - and I didn't take them seriously either, till they sent me a plane ticket, or something of that ilk.

 

Attention/aproval/applause/adoration/acceptance/affirmation - it's the 6A's drug of the insecure, immature person. And back in my playa days that is precisely what i was. I needed the 6A's in as high a dose as I could get them from all sources - in person, on line, etc.

 

I was never thnking about what me not showing up, ceasing to contact etc was doing to the person I no longer got a high off being in contact with.

 

It was also a great way to present a "Hollywood" image of myself that was highly inaccurate in real life. That meant there were people I'd be talking with, planning with, etc. that I knew based on what I'd presented as my image, my lifestyle, my abilitties that I could not ever follow thru with. And whenever it looked like meeting was immenent - I'd drop off the radar.