I need some help.

[Oedi]

Hi guys.

 

I just had my first relationship end on me a little while back and i feel terrible.

So things are like this, we were in a relationship for 3 months right on the dot. We had our first real big fight over a misunderstanding. I thought she changed plans on me right before i was going to her house and yeah i thought she was being a real * * * * * and i started saying really bad things like WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? and something like Why are you treating me like trash all of a sudden? and I thought you loved me which she replied you did. Really, it was my fault because i didn't hear her clearly because she just had her tonsils taken out. So yea, after that we were fighting online trying to figure out the situation. I realized i was wrong and i was being really hostile and i didn't intend to. She then went to bed cuz she didn't want to get angry and say things she didn't mean. She told me this btw. I really felt terrible after that and just sent her a long ass email. Telling her how i felt and i was being insecure, needy, and just plain obsessive in that email. I said that if she broke up i might cut her off from my life because i just don't know what to do. She took it literally. So yea, i talked to her on Saturday and we sorta made up and she said she just needed time for everything to heal. I was like ok, i just hope time goes by quicker and i told her i planned to see her the next day. She was like ok, but it won't be for too long because she was busy. I told her i bought a book for her because i felt like it. So yea... On sunday i went to eat dinner with my mother for her birthday and then she called me and broke up with me... She said that she doesn't think we were meant to be together. I asked her why and she said that my feelings for her were much stronger then her feelings for me. I realized that my email i written out of passion while i was still somewhat heated made her think that way. I was just devastated. I felt like i shot myself in the foot. I msg'd her later that day... like im new at this so i didn't know =\. I asked her to tell me why etc. And she gave me the same reasons. She just thought her feelings were starting to dwindle and mine were far stronger then the ones she had for me. I was really angry at that time but i tried to make peace and be friends but i was really angry and i accused her of being a coward for breaking up with me over the phone. Because well it made me feel like trash honestly. So yea... i guess we were about to be friends. But then i had to imply she was a * * * * * by saying she was like a dog =\ and she was angry. Really a bad mistake on my part. I was just trying to make a joke as friends but yea, it was too early for that. Anyways, she went cold turkey on me after that and yea... i got really angry wondering like why. And then i sent her a message saying that i want my shirt back but i did it in a very demanding tone and yea... she didn't reply to that message. I was really confused.... but then i just got time alone to think about this stuff. And i wrote to her saying the following

 

""Hey ex, i know you must hate me right now and think im a total jerk and an * * * * * * * and your just want to forget about me. I really don't blame you for it because i know it was my fault i was being so immature this whole time but i just want to have a person-person talk with you in the near future. Want to set up a date to meet together just as friends? We'll go to xxxxxxx's unless you have something else in mind."

 

She was receptive and we decided to meet at the university she attends the next day. She started questioning me about some things but i told her we should save it for tomorrow. It'll be for the best.

 

So I went to her university and god loves giving me cliche's, i had to wait in front of the fountain and it started a little drizzle. I waited awhile thinking of the things i want to say to her. So she finally came and I wasn't sure to be happy or sad but seeing her relieved a lot of the pain in my chest.

 

So yea, my speech to her had a few key things:

-I'm sorry for all the things i said and accused you of. I really don't mean any of those things and i really regret saying all those things to you.

- Thank you for being part of my life and being in a relationship with me. It is something i won't forget. Also thanking her for the break up because it allowed me to take a step back and review my life. It made me think of the things i did wrong and im grateful for that chance

- If its possible i want to get back together with you but if you don't i understand. There is nothing i can do for the things i've said and done to you and made you hurt other then wait for time to heal it.

- I told her that this relationship made me think that i need to love myself again to be able to continue on and i learned a lot in the time we had together.

I asked her if we could get back together and she said no. She said she had a policy of not getting back together because she breaks up for a reason and doesn't want it to happen again. In the beginning i felt relieved when she said that because it felt like she broke up with me in person and i felt like i got over the hump and a huge burden was free from my shoulders. I asked her for forgiveness and she said it'll take time and space for her to forgive me. I thought thats fine, i just won't talk to her for awhile. But then... its just that she started crumbling and her face was in so much pain and sad that... i can't stop thinking of her face when she said good bye. Right now its causing me so much pain and heartbreak i can't help it. I feel really sad that i was the cause for all that pain and hurt for her. I just want to make her happy again... and anytime i think about it which is a lot... I just want to get back together with her and make her happy and have fun together like the old times.

 

Like what should i try to do to get her back? I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm thinking of going NC for a week then telling her that i really don't want to see her sad face etched in my memory and that i want us to just see each other sometime just as friends because it just tears me apart thinking that she's sad and hurt because of me. I don't care if we're not together as a couple anymore but my conscience is driving me crazy thinking that she looks so sad and hurt over my actions. I just did so many things i never intended to do. Thing i swore i would never do but i have. I let my emotions take control of me over a small misunderstanding and it all went downhill from there. I just want to be the person i was before and get a second chance with her. Do you guys think that is too much to ask?

[Landon]

You need to give it time, dont contact her for a while, let the time try to heal some of your issues. If its meant to be it will, god has a funny way of doing things leave it in his hands for now.

[Litgirl01]

You need to give it time, dont contact her for a while, let the time try to heal some of your issues. If its meant to be it will, god has a funny way of doing things leave it in his hands for now.

 

Good advice!

[Landon]

Litgirl its kinda funny that i give advice like that because it helps me act the way im telling others weird huh?

[Oedi]

yea... i just feel like i shouldn't talk to her for a week... maybe even 3 months. I'm just not sure really. I think i'll stop NC in a week because i talked to her for 3 days and i must've annoyed her a lot. She said she didn't hate me but she was upset. I just don't know what to do with the sad face in my mind when she said goodbye to me. It just hurts so much lol. Its doing turns and twists on my personality. I was really upbeat, energetic, fun, cocky, confident and funny but right now its like i feel like i have to discover myself again.

[greywolf]

yea... i just feel like i shouldn't talk to her for a week... maybe even 3 months. I'm just not sure really. I think i'll stop NC in a week because i talked to her for 3 days and i must've annoyed her a lot. She said she didn't hate me but she was upset. I just don't know what to do with the sad face in my mind when she said goodbye to me. It just hurts so much lol. Its doing turns and twists on my personality. I was really upbeat, energetic, fun, cocky, confident and funny but right now its like i feel like i have to discover myself again.

 

Well for me, I've never been able to do NC for over a month. Because after a week I think "Crap, I barely survived this week and I have 3 more to go?"

So I like to give myself little goals. I think that I'll do NC for a week, and when that week is over I think, "Well if i survived one week I can survive 2"

 

Everyone is different and you just have to find what works for you.

[Landon]

You guys are making me jealous, i want to go NC so bad but cant because of our son.. sucks

[Oedi]

as you can see.. from the beginning i barely survived 8 hours right after the break up.

 

Day 2... wish that i don't somehow start talking to her later tonight when she gets home lol

[Oedi]

NC is hard man. Like... really hard. I can't stop thinking of her most of the day and when i do i get angry lol. I threw away most of the things that made me think of her. I even got a hair cut because she used to love playing with it so much. Sigh... i just wish i knew what she was thinking and if she would give me another chance to get back together with her.

[Litgirl01]

Litgirl its kinda funny that i give advice like that because it helps me act the way im telling others weird huh?

 

Not weird at all!!! It's a wonderful thing!!! It helps a lot to give others advice!

[Aviatormy]

I think that you are very manipulative and are a long ways away from being able to be a good man for anyone right now, much less for her.

 

I think that you should respect her and just let her go. If you want any chance with her in the future then you need to let her come to you. I think it would be very dissrespectful of you to keep trying to push a friendship on her right now while all these emotions are still there. You know full fledged that you will not be happy with a "just friends" kind of deal. If she doesn't want to be with you then you need to respect that and move on as if you never knew her.

 

I have had ex gf's in the past blow up on me and then after I break up with them, they are apologetic, they ask for a second chance and then when I tell them that there is no possibility of us ever dating again, tehy ask for a friendship. These girrls in my past didn't respect the fact that I wanted to be just friends. When we would go out with each other to a club or a bar, they would grab my hand out of nowhere whenever a cute girl would walk by. They would get really jealous and depressed when i would talk to another girl.

 

To me, a friendship with an ex is impossible. Especially in your case where you have so much feelings for this girl still. I think that you are sugar coating your actions and that you are really toxic not only to her but to yourself. You need to take the appropriate steps in your life to get away from this needy/whiney attitude with women so that this doesn't happen in future relationships.

 

Please do not contact her until you are comfortable enough in your life where you can say "I dont need this woman in my life but I would love to have her as a part of it".

 

Only then will you be ready for a relationship and be ready to make ANY girl in this world happy. Your not ready yet brotha, start working on yourself.

[sunset sun rise lover]

what everyone is trying to say is you should give her time and then maybe like you said stay away for like 3 or 4 weeks don't talk to her nothing and then after the 3 or 4 weeks is up maybe she wont be so upset it takes time for a girl to get over dumping someone and to get rid of the sad image in your mind think of something funny remember all the good times you have shared .I hope i have helped i am also a girl that is how i know so many things.

[Oedi]

yea... i wasn't needy, obsessive or whiny before that. I just broke down because of a misunderstanding and i just don't know why. Honestly, i felt like i could live without her and she's just a part of my life but yea... i don't know i guess my first relationship makes everything amplified. I'll admit... im manipulative to the point sometimes i don't even know im doing it. I just.. do it so naturally. It's like yea, i think your right. I should just get back to working on myself. Problem with thinking of the fun times we had together... makes it totally worse, trust me. I try to think of them and its like wow, heartbreak lol. At a point, i felt like i got over her and that was after we talked in person. And yea... it didn't last long once i thought of her sad face blegh. But your right... friendship just won't do the feelings i have with her justice. I just feel so uncomfortable... i like talked to her about every day for the last 4 months other then the time she had to go to surgery and now everything just stopped. It just doesn't feel normal to me you know =\ But i think i know what will happen right now if i asked for just friendship. I would be trying to somehow get back together with her even though we'd be friends. I guess i'll try waiting a month...

[sunset sun rise lover]

that is good give her a month to rethink and collect all her thoughts i have gone out with so many guys and now i have found the perfect guy i mean sure he is a little hands on but he will work

[Oedi]

lol yea. I guess we both need time. Really, i got over the break up. It's just these lingering feelings that really irritate me. I understand she broke up with me for something wrong i did and i know it was my mistake for it. I just hate it because i made this break up happen and there is right now nothing i can do to fix it. I feel like i pulled the trigger shot the bullet through my heart and i didn't know until it was broken into pieces. This feelings of longing for someone... i just want it to end. I mean... now i understand love stories but it just hurts so much sometimes. I just feel like my feelings are going up and down like in a cycle constantly. It's driving me insane. Sigh, break ups are the worst.

[sunset sun rise lover]

i know i am sorry