My ex is back

[what2think]

I have posted on here a few times before about my ex, here is a short history: We met in college in 2006 and spent a lot of time together because of our senior project and a few classes we were both taking. At that point we were both in relationships. He graduated in early 2007, so we didn't talk much after that, just random texts asking how life was going.

 

In July we ran into each other at a bar, started talking (both a little intoxicated) and admitted that we had feelings for each other months ago, and found out that we were both single. We started dating in August, everything was great between us, the only problem we had was his ex trying to get back into his life. She would call time after time when she knew we were together, she started stalking me, calling me at work, etc. I kept getting angry at him (my bad, I know it wasn't his doing) and we broke up in February. We went to dinner the first part of March to talk and gain closure.

 

We had no contact at all until 2 weeks ago. He called me wanting to see me, he told me he had a surprise for me, but it was 2 am so I didn't think too much of it. I drove home from the bar I was at, it was about 3 when I got home. As I was driving up to my apartment he called and said that he was outside waiting for me. His surprise was that he bought the car that I liked when he was looking at cars before we broke up, which is funny because I am the only one who was voting for that car. We talked for a while that night and I told him I was not going to be his booty call so he better have a good reason for showing up at my house at 3am, he told me that he wanted me back and was willing to do just about anything to get me back. I told him I didn't know what I wanted and we kinda left it up in the air.

 

Friday he called me to ask if he could see me this weekend, so we planned to meet for breakfast on Saturday morning. After we ate neither of us wanted to leave so we spent the rest of the day together doing random things like we used to do when we were together. We drove about 2 hours just to go to a restaurant on the ocean for dinner, we took the scenic route home just to enjoy the nice day.

 

He told me that his ex is out of the picture now and as far as he is concerned she will continue to be out of the picture. He did say that he wouldn't be surprised if she started her antics again in a few months, and that we would deal with it when she does. He kept saying we the whole time, like we were still together. By the time I left we had decided that we will hang out when we have time and see what happens. I am hesitant to start a relationship with him again, and he knows that.

 

I don't know what I want.

[Incognito_Squito]

Why did you break up in the first place?

[what2think]

Why did you break up in the first place?

 

There were a few reasons:

-his ex causing a lot of problems

-he freaked out when I got an interview for grad school and was one step closer to having to move to another state

-we both have hectic jobs and we were both really busy the first few weeks of February so we didn't get to see each other much and when we did we were arguing about my grad school or his ex

[Incognito_Squito]

Well, to me it sounds like those things might be in the past. Are you still moving to grad school soon?

 

If that's the only reason you guys broke up, I see no reason why you would want to resist getting back together with him.

[Russ]

Well, to me it sounds like those things might be in the past. Are you still moving to grad school soon?

 

If that's the only reason you guys broke up, I see no reason why you would want to resist getting back together with him.

 

I agree. It sounds like you both had some issues that required time off, not a full break up.

 

Give him a chance.

[what2think]

Well, to me it sounds like those things might be in the past. Are you still moving to grad school soon?

 

If that's the only reason you guys broke up, I see no reason why you would want to resist getting back together with him.

 

I didn't get into school this year and I haven't decided if I am going to apply again for 2009 or wait another year.

 

I am hesitant because I am pretty sure his ex will come back when she hears that we are together again. She will hear it from someone, and she likes to try anf make my life a living hell. I am also hesitant because we both still have hectic jobs which is just stressful on both of us when we have no control over our schedules. I can't decide if it's worth it because there is a good chance I am just going to get hurt again and not because of something that he does but just by not being able to be together much.

[what2think]

I agree. It sounds like you both had some issues that required time off, not a full break up.

 

Give him a chance.

 

You are probably right, I am probably just over thinking it all

[Russ]

You are probably right, I am probably just over thinking it all

 

I've been in this sort of situation before. The whole stalker ex deal. And the girl I was with at the time left me because of this, though it was no fault of my own.

 

... And I own an IT Development company, so I'm close to applying for Workaholics Anonymous.

 

So I can understand you both.

 

Your ex, he's going through a lot. And it took balls to step up like this. That's worth a date or two, if nothing else at first.

 

As for the stalker, I'd personally leave a body bag if someone was trying to get in the way of my personal happiness.

[what2think]

I've been in this sort of situation before. The whole stalker ex deal. And the girl I was with at the time left me because of this, though it was no fault of my own.

 

... And I own an IT Development company, so I'm close to applying for Workaholics Anonymous.

 

So I can understand you both.

 

Your ex, he's going through a lot. And it took balls to step up like this. That's worth a date or two, if nothing else at first.

 

As for the stalker, I'd personally leave a body bag if someone was trying to get in the way of my personal happiness.

 

I am giving him a chance, I hung out with him all day on Saturday and I plan on continuing to talk to him and see him when I can. He knows I am hesitant and he understands so we'll see what happens.

 

It's good to hear other people's opinions, makes me feel less crazy!

[Russ]

I am giving him a chance, I hung out with him all day on Saturday and I plan on continuing to talk to him and see him when I can. He knows I am hesitant and he understands so we'll see what happens.

 

It's good to hear other people's opinions, makes me feel less crazy!

 

Oh, you're not insane. You're career driven.

 

A favorite quote from a movie,

 

"You can lose a lot of money chasing women, but you'll never lose women chasing money."

 

In your case, replace the "women" with "men". It's got quite a lot of meaning to it if you ponder.

[what2think]

Oh, you're not insane. You're career driven.

 

A favorite quote from a movie,

 

"You can lose a lot of money chasing women, but you'll never lose women chasing money."

 

In your case, replace the "women" with "men". It's got quite a lot of meaning to it if you ponder.

 

I have heard that before, it is very true. It really applies to both of us, he is in biotech sales and I work in one of the top hospitals on the west coast. That's a lot of the reason that we get along so well is that neither of us is after the other's money, makes life so much simpler at times

[J_man]

he told me that he wanted me back and was willing to do just about anything to get me back.

 

got to give him credit for giving it to you straight, that's not the easiest thing to say to someone (if you mean it). have you got any reason to believe it's not sincere? from what you've written it seems genuine

[what2think]

got to give him credit for giving it to you straight, that's not the easiest thing to say to someone (if you mean it). have you got any reason to believe it's not sincere? from what you've written it seems genuine

 

There is nothing that he did when he was with me that makes me question him, but I am hesitant because I know that he cheated in most of his past relationships and I know that he was able to keep 2 of his exes as friends with benefits long after they broke up, although he says that it was them initiating it and him going along with it (which I believe because they would both call him late at night on the weekends fairly frequently)

 

I don't think he ever cheated on me, but it is still in the back of my mind that he might have been. I was with him constantly when neither of us were working almost the whole time we were together. His friends all say that he was a lot happier with me than he ever was with any of his exes especially the last 2. So I have no reason to think that he did.

[Russ]

I'd give the dude the benefit of the doubt.

[DN]

I think you had better decide if you want to give the relationship another chance very soon - there are few things more damaging than someone who starts off a reconciliation being too hesitant. Both of you need to know that you love each other enough to want to make this work and to start off with as strong a foundation as possible.

 

It is also important to realise that you are giving the relationship another chance - not him another chance. It broke down before because of both of you not just one of you.