somegirlsomewhere Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 (Sorry in advance if this is long, I just need to vent...) So yesterday I cried for the first time in weeks. For some stupid reason this weekend has been abnormally difficult for me... it might be because it's probably one of the first weekends since the breakup where I've had no plans, everyone's busy, etc. Nothing to distract me I guess. So I just got in my car and drove around aimlessly, crying and feeling sorry for myself, feeling mad at him, feeling scared of what lies ahead. I hate this feeling of not knowing where I'm going now, not knowing what I'm doing or should be doing. It kills me how he could just walk away from me like that, after five years, and appear so incredibly unaffected by the whole situation. Part of me wants to call him and ask questions (and maybe yell a little), but I know that's going to accomplish nothing, and will only result in me feeling worse afterwards... I hate being afraid of going anywhere out of fear of running into him. (Don't get me wrong, I do leave my house!) Basically I'm just so incredibly physically and mentally exhausted from alternating between sadness and anger... it's only been three months, but when does it go away? I just want to be me again, my happy self. Up until the breakup I always believed I was happy with myself, and now I question everything. And it's all of the stupid little things, too. I have a hard time listening to music anymore... everything song reminds me in one way or another. Actually pretty much everything I see or hear reminds me of him in one way or another. I'm also starting to reach the point where the people in my life are questioning why I'm not "over it" yet. I had a thought yesterday that it would be so incredibly nice to put as many of my belongings as possible in my car and just drive. Far away, where the faces and scenery were new. A little irrational, maybe... but this place makes me crazy anymore I try to stay positive. I will admit that today I feel enormously different than I did in the weeks following the breakup... time is finally moving at a normal pace again... I can sleep through the night. My thoughts are usually not completely consumed 100% of the time (just this weekend for some reason). And I guess this is what I need to focus on - the ways I have been able to start feeling better. This is my first heartbreak, and I'm struggling a little bit.. but hopefully finding my way. I think I might go and work out today, it's a beautiful day for a run... (And it does feel better to get a lot of that off my chest!) You are all inspirations to me, hopefully someday soon I will be able to return the favor to someone else in need.. Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 Hang in there some girl! It's important to enjoy your own company sometimes! ;-) I love to go shopping by myself! xx Link to comment
somegirlsomewhere Posted May 4, 2008 Author Share Posted May 4, 2008 Thanks litgirl.. that's an excellent idea.. shopping! A little bit of retail therapy might be in order here pretty soon Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 Retail therapy ROCKS! I love to got to Target and get stuff to decorate my place with! LOL Link to comment
DN Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I just read your previous threads about this break-up. You are actually doing very well - good for you. It does get better. You will probably find this weekend somewhat cathartic and that will help a lot. Link to comment
somegirlsomewhere Posted May 4, 2008 Author Share Posted May 4, 2008 DN - thank you it is really hard to tell from my own perspective how I'm doing sometimes.. Link to comment
bobsiesprincess Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 reading your post broke my heart, cos i swear it could have been me that wrote this word for word a while back. (except probably you are a bit more positive than i was!) its horrible when you get to the stage of friends/family thinking you should be over it. just keep yourself busy and things will get better, i promise. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 Reread your post. You are getting over it. You have just hit a rough spot this weekend, that's all. Retail therapy is the best! Buy a new pair of cute shoes for me! Link to comment
jammer180 Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 It hurts me to read this and see that you are pretty much in the EXACT same boat as me, and I feel so incredibly sorry for myself and wouldn't ever wish that on anyone, and now I see that you are at the same point as me and it pains me to think others feel this way. It's been 3 months for me too, and everything you said about having this weekend where you weren't busy for once and your thoughts went back to it, and how 3 months you should be over it by now... I don't know when the pain goes away, or if it does. It seems from some positive posts about moving on that I've read on here that it does in fact go away, the time length seems to be different for everyone though. I sometimes want to run away too becuase I've always done that after a breakup in the past and it's made it so much easier to get over it and not feel crappy. This time I don't have that option so it's the first time I've had to deal with it and stay where things remind me of him, and where I'm afraid to go out and run into him. So I feel your pain there too. You seem to be slowly getting a bit better though. I know how it felt when I couldn't sleep through the night and my thoughts were on him 100% of the day, and it has subsided enough that I don't feel crazy and I can get through the days ok now, you seem to be there too. Hang in there girl, I feel your pain, but they say it goes away. I wish you the best of luck and stay strong! Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 my doctor told me thats its like a bereavement, a sense of loss and the average time for most people is 5/6 months, i hope he's right!!! Link to comment
somegirlsomewhere Posted May 4, 2008 Author Share Posted May 4, 2008 Thank you all for your kind and encouraging words.. time really does seem to be the big healer here. I remember getting a fortune cookie a few days after the breakup, and the fortune said "Time heals all wounds - keep your chin up"... and even though it was kind of a silly thing to get upset over, I did. But the interesting thing is I also remember that I didn't believe it at all (or anyone else when they said it to me for that matter)... but I think I'm finally beginning to... Link to comment
Clemente21 Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 I just finished up a 2 and a half hour conversation with my mom about this very thing. It's only been about 6 weeks for me. I was doing great right after the breakup, but when he called last Sunday to let me know he's living with someone already I laughed at him, but inside I just died a little bit. Even though I kicked him out (the breakup was happening long before I told him we were done), I did pretty well the first couple of weeks..he'd call and I would be uninterested in what he had to say and made it very clear that there was NO chance of a reconciliation (he admitted to some pretty heavy drug use and that was it for me). I didn't return calls, but he kept calling me. Now that I find out he was out of my house for 2 weeks before he moved in with another woman and STILL calling me and telling me he missed me, etc. I am angry and sad all at the same time. THE GOOD THING IS....those of us who are out of toxic situations are the WINNERS!!! That's right...Mom kept emphasising that to me today...we are WINNERS because we saved ourselves from what would have been a disastrous marriage or extended relationship. We found out we needed something more...something the other person couldn't or wouldn't give us. We are VALUABLE and deserve to be treated as such. We wouldn't allow a friend to walk on us like that....why do we allow a mate to do that? WE ARE THE WINNERS!!! Blue ribbons for everyone!!! Link to comment
somegirlsomewhere Posted May 4, 2008 Author Share Posted May 4, 2008 We wouldn't allow a friend to walk on us like that....why do we allow a mate to do that? This is such an excellent point Clemente. I have been doing a lot of thinking about this lately.. Thank you Link to comment
Brittney2008 Posted May 4, 2008 Share Posted May 4, 2008 Brought me to tears. My boyfriend needs "time" right now to "sort things out", its hard because I would be at his house this weekend but he doesnt want to talk or see me. Its so hard just sitting at home pretending to be ok so no one will ask questions. So damn hard. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.