Confusing Situation about Intimacy

[Blah213]

I have a problem that is turning into a big dilemma. Alright, so my girlfriend and I have been going out for about 6 months now, and we just started fooling around about 2 months ago. We're both 16, and we're both very much in love. She's more than I could have possibly asked for. I love her to death..

 

Anyway, when we do fool around I ALWAYS end up fingering her. I don't mind at all, infact I like fingering her. It's amazing to see her have multiple orgasms and get really horny. I love it.. However this is where the other issue comes in.

 

My girlfriend NEVER does anything to me. ALL she does is kiss me on the lips, and make out, and RARELY she rubs me with my pants on to try and get me horny. I suspect so I'll do something to her.. but anyway. She doesn't even like kiss my neck, give me massages, or anything like that. It's beginning to bug me. We've talked about her not giving me a hand job or blow job. She FINALLY admitted to me a few days ago that she hasn't done it because she's worried that she'll hurt my penis. I have constantly reassured her that I would let her know if she's hurting me, and I'd talk her through it to get her to feel comfortable. She feels guilty about not doing anything, VERY guilty.

 

Anyway, she tells me that she'll do it if I want her to. When I ask her if she wants to do it, she reluctantly says she isn't sure. I don't want to pressure her to do anything, but I'm beginning to think that if I don't, she'll never get comfortable enough with me to do anything on her own. She will do it if I ask, so should I just tell her to do it? It's beginning to be a big deal because it's making me feel left out and sad. It makes me think of her like she's selfish.

 

The catch is that she wants to have SEX soon. I KNOW she wants to have sex, she wants to skip the other thing because she thinks that is meaningless. But it isn't to me.. I want to have sex with her as well. Maybe I should wait until after we have sex? We're going to have it in less than 2 weeks. I'm just so unsure what to do, so any help would be appreciated!

[Mar]

She's young, and VERY unsure of herself. This is a whole new realm to her; you can't expect her to jump in like some experienced pro and "service" you!

 

Let her take things at her own pace. The more you do, the more she'll learn to be comfortable with sex and all it has to offer, and the more she'll come out of her shell. But DON'T PRESSURE HER!!! Worst mistake. If you care for this girl, give her time to get comfortable with what's going on, since she's ultimately the one who has the most to lose (i.e. getting pregnant.) Which I'm quite sure neither of you want to happen!

 

Let Nature take its course. You're both inexperienced; you're both learning what pleases your partner. This is a learned skill, not something you pick up overnight! If you truly have feelings for her, let her go at her own pace. Let her know that anywhere she touches you is alright, and anything she doesn't finish (uncomfortable to you though it may be) is alright as well. This is the only way she'll open up to you and be comfortable in taking this relationship further!

 

Mar

[The Morrigan]

If you're up for it, get a bottle of scented massage oil and work on letting her get comfortable and acquainted with your body first - it's a bit less intimidating than when the focus is on arousal and sex. The more comfortable she gets, the more natural curiosity will take over.

[Juniebug]

Things can be very scary for a girl when she has no experience. I was kind of like your gf, I didnt know what to do and it made me uncomfortable but my bf is very patient. Have you talked to your gf about you feeling left out and let her understand that relationships are about give and take not just take.

 

My advice is for you try to be very patient and go with her pace try not to pressure her, I know its hard... Have you ever guide her to explore your body? maybe you can say it makes you feel really good if she touch you but dont pressure her if she still reluctant. Maybe you can show her or guide her to giving yourself a hand job. She might need some assurance when she do things to you, so make sure u let her know that u appreciate it. When she gets confident, she might want to experiment her abilities and do a few tricks while giving you pleasure. My bf is a happier man now thanks to his guidance and patience

 

I don't think you should have sex yet if one of you is still not sure. Do it when both of you are sure and remember to use protection. Also, sex is not just intercourse, if she thinks that other things are meaningless, you guys need to talk about it. Sex is plays a big role is a relationship, both partners has to be able to agree as to what is important to them.

 

I hope my advice helps, good luck

 

[Blah213]

I talked to her about it, and I didn't read this first. I didn't pressure her to do anything, but more so to tell me what was wrong and why she hadn't done anything. I said it was prefectly fine and I just wanted to know.. well things probably went the worst possible way they could have gone. She got very upset, and later confessed that she had done it to some other guy who had forced her to do it and she very much disliked it and didn't want to do it at the time.

 

I feel like a jerk, and I feel like things are messed up very badly. I didn't really want her to do things, just more so let me know what was going on. Like since I know, I'm PERFECTLY fine in waiting for however long it takes.

 

I don't know what to do now..

[Juniebug]

Sorry to hear that. All you can do is be there for her and reassure her that you werent making her do anything she don't want to do but just to let her know how you feel. You guys has the rights to let each other know how you feel in a relationship. If you are fine waiting then let her know that. She probably feels hurt b/c she think that you are forcing her like the other jerk and those bad memories came back to her. Apologize to her for making her think that u were forcing her. Good luck.

[sisterlynch]

I can't understand why she wants to skip over third base and go straigh to the home run business. Can you ask her that?? Maybe you are forcing the issue too much. I don't think you should pressure her, if she really wants a drink, she knows where to find one. If she likes the attention that you are giving, she may fear going all the way. That may be the reason that she is staying off your little guy!