Letter.

[pumpkinmoon]

so this is my letter........ number 2

 

Letter 2

 

This may seem confusing but it’s the best way I could think to do it.

 

Last night I stayed up writing a letter which took me about 6 hours.

 

Then I sat and thought and I had an epiphany. I thought to myself “what the hell am I doing? Am I * * * * ing crazy or what?” MAYBE.

 

I sat and thought and then thought some more and everything started making sense to me. It was like a slap in the face.

 

You know I have sat for hours on end, day after day thinking of everything we did, the plans we had, the promises, the special times we shared together and I have racked my brains trying to work out how everything just changed. Everything was just gone in the blink of an eye.

 

Then I realised, things didn’t change at all. Things just never were what I thought they were to begin with. Stupid Stacey. It was all just an illusion and every word out of your mouth and every word that you ever wrote to me was just that, words, and worse still words that meant nothing.

 

Every special moment we shared, every memory that I held close to my heart didn’t even really exist.

 

I tried my hardest to stay with you no matter at what cost. I would have done anything and I truly mean that but for what? For someone who just didn’t feel the same way, for someone who never really felt the way they said?

 

I remember you saying you didn’t want either of us to get hurt. I believed that and trusted you and look where it got me.

 

I wonder if you ever loved me at all and truthfully, I really don’t think so.

 

Not sure how you handled the break up if you needed to handle it at all but let me let you in on how I handled it. I had to take a lot of time off work. I no longer was able to sleep, I lost a stone in weight as I couldn’t eat and was physically ill, to the point where I would have to stop myself being sick whilst driving, trying to make it home to the toilet. It cripples my heart to think that I will never be able to hold you close again, to never be able to smell you or feel your touch. So yeah, that’s how much you meant to me.

 

Then I started looking on the brightside as best I could, started believing that you would realise you wanted me after all and that someday we would be together again. That hope kept me going for a while.

 

I figured that you must come back someday, because of all the things you said. But then realised, if you had loved me as much as you said you did then you would never have been able to leave me in the first place. I know I wouldn’t dream of letting someone slip out of my life if I truly loved them. And whatever else was going on in my life I would have found some kind of balance to keep them in it.

 

I meant everything I sent in that first letter. I do love you with all of my heart but I don’t want someone who doesn’t feel the same about me as I do about them.

 

I do still have a little hope that one day you may realise that you do want to be with me but I know that will probably never happen. And if it doesn’t I wish you all the happiness in the world and hope you find what you’re looking for. And hope you treat your next GF with more respect.

 

I’m not sure where this leaves us on the friends thing, I like to think we could be friends in future but right now I can’t.

 

I hope you have been honest with me tonight and if not then I hope you can find it within yourself to be honest at some point because that is all I ever asked for.

 

I haven’t said this to upset you and I am truly sorry if it has but it’s just the way I feel and thought that you should know.

 

So there we have it, all my cards are on the table. Do with them what you will.

 

 

All the best

 

SF

 

This is the letter I am going to be giving him

[pumpkinmoon]

why do you say this? That it wont give me closure?

[thinkstoohard]

why do you say this? That it wont give me closure?

 

You already have your closure. The closure is him saying over and over again, including today, that he can't be with you right now. Sending this letter will only take that closure away and make things worse.

[d24]

to be honest, in sending this letter you cant win:

1) if he responds it breaks NC and will add more drama to the whole break-up

2) if he doesn't you'll get frustrated with him and feel terrible that he doesn't care

 

And to be fair, nothing you've said in this letter would make me want to respond positively to it. Seems a bit pointless to me?

 

But if it makes you feel better, go for it.

[Hunny1607307342]

You dont want to spoil things with sending this letter to him, because at the moment you are on 'good' terms and you're in a respectable position.

I think i must have written about a thousand of these letters during the 6 months of being broken up. Literally. But i didnt send a single one of them. It felt good to write them though, regardless of what i do with it later.

I personally dont think he will react too well, because a few things you said were quite provocative, like his feelings never having existed etc. of course it makes perfect sense to US, but to the dumper, he'll just think wow she really doesnt see things from my perspective at all.

At the end of the day it is up to you, but if you send this to him you will not be able to have a friendship with him afterwards, as there is way too much baggage, and you'll have to start with NC all over again.

So let us know what you decide anyway x

[Yodabell]

Don't send it. Write it, but don't send it.

 

It sounds needy and clingy and it invalidates his feelings. And parts of it come accross as being controlling.

 

Don't tell him how you've suffered because of the break-up. He either already knows, or can guess, or doesn't know. Telling him will just make him feel bad, and feel sorry for you.

 

Break ups suck. They just do. For everyone. I've been a dumper, more than once, and if my exes had written to me about how ill they'd been etc etc, I would have felt rubbish, but I wouldn't have felt warm and fuzzy enough about it to get back in touch with them.

 

Things will get better - maybe talk about this to a friend or a counsellor?

[pumpkinmoon]

Hi hunny,

 

I dont think there is anything to spoil at all. Its not gonna happen ever.

 

Im not gonna send it. I have decided against it but there are questions I want to ask.

[Mock Chop]

Whoa, you've only been back in contact with him for what - a week? After nearly a month of no contact?

 

Learn patience. It's a valuable thing - and something that's really hit me lately. You have NO idea what's going on in his head. None. You can only assume and when you do that, nine times out of ten you're going to be wrong.

 

My advice would be to sit on your ass and do NOTHING.

[pumpkinmoon]

Hi Mock chope this is a follow up to another thread.

 

well I have been sat here and to be honest I'm torn with what to do. I dont think i can handle a talk with him so i have sent him a text asking for him to drop off my things and can we leave the talk out for now because i'm not ready. I honestly dont know what i should say to him and I feel I need to get myself back together first.

[lou31]

i normally go against the flow and think that letters are in fact a good thing. but you have to be in the right frame of mind to send them and to accept the outcome whatever that might be. you are clearly not able to accept any more knocks as much as you might convince yourself that you are.

 

please please dont send this letter.

 

you will get maybe at best a temporary 'high' and then you will come crashing back down.

 

he needs space. and so do you. you will achieve nothing. he already knows how you feel. he may well feel you are backing him into a corner. and you wont get the result you hope for. you will crash right back down again. it does sound like a bit of a guilt trip - and thats a definite no.

 

i know you feel. and i know how hard it is to do nothing. but by doing so you let him think on his own. no pressure. pressure will not help this situation, it will force you further apart.

 

dont convince yourself that he doesnt know how you feel. he does. you gain nothing from this. it wont convince him to try again. if that was ever to happen he has to do it himself for the right reasons.

 

i have experience of this and believe me i know i did the ight thing sending my letter. but from reading your post it is not the right time for you. maybe you can send it at some point in the future. but right now you are too emotional and it wont achieve anything but make you feel even worse. you might not think thats possible.

 

think of it like this... you have the rest of your life to regret this if you send it ow. if you dont and you still feel the same a few weeks or months down the line then you can revisit this and MAYBE send it then. now is definitely not the right time.

[pumpkinmoon]

Ok thank you. I wont be sending anything at all. I told him i will get my things from him but i cant stop and that I can't talk about anything right now as I'm not ready. He said he understood and it was fine.