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Confused by my best friend


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My best friend and I have been friends for about 10 years now. We have didn't get close until about 2 years ago. We talked daily for hours, and I literally mean hours! We have slept in the same bed with each other many times. I developed a huge crush on him, never told him, and we always made jokes about how we would make each other crazy if we ever got together. I dated several guys and noticed that he hated every last one of them. His personality is antagonistic and smartass anyway but more so to men I was dating. Lately he had been flirting a little more than typical, I just took it for him being him and nothing more. A few weeks ago he kept making jokes about kissing him, I called his bluff and he laid one on me totally unexpected. Nothing came of that and we didn't talk for a few weeks, nothing unusual. The other night I went out on a date and we ran into him at the club we were at. He was nice to the guy but started flirting like he had before. He ended up coming over, he made the move on me again and this time we slept together. We have talked since and he says that it exceeded his expectations but I am not getting any signal that he wants more than just that. I have a lot of feelings for him and really want more than just friends, sleeping together didn't help that. I don't know what to say to him about it all without freaking him out, but I want to clear the air. On the one hand he is really sweet to me and tells me I am beautiful and a great woman but on the other hand I feel like I was just a conquest because I always turned him down. I am trying to continue like we never did anything but I don't want him to get the impression that I don't want him if he is too nervous to tell me what he really feels. He said that he was worried about jeopordizing our friendship because he values me as a best friend more than anything but then said that he has wanted me for years.


What do I do now? How do I let him know I want more than just friends and that I really care for him on a different level without freaking him out?

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Im not associating sex with emotion but I am wondering why it was so monumental for him if there wasn't emotion involved. Why would he chase me for so long and be soooo concerned about what would happen to our friendship as a result of there wasn't some underlying yearning for something more. Most especially because he made the comment that he values friends more than girlfriends. But on the other hand he is a guy and could have been doing it just for the sex.

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I do agree with Buttrflie52; it does seem strange if no emotion was involved in sexual intercourse. Granted there are those who see it as merely pleasure, but most people generally put more stock in it than that. After all, people are usually picky about this area and won't sleep with just about anyone they meet.


That is why I stay clear of intercourse until I myself am in a committed relationship (A.K.A. "marriage"). Too many unknowns, especially when it comes to pregnancy. Sex is typically an emotional web that is too often plucked without caution.


I'd talk to him if I were you, and be frank about it. Don't be surprised if he doesn't hold the same values as you do; this is a circumstance that could had been avoided. It's possible that he is afraid that the intercourse would transform the relationship into something less comfortable. I hope it all works out for the best.

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