I still love him and he still loves me BUT ...

[bchl]

Hi,

I am new here... but here is my story.

We've been in love for a year and a half. I am 13 years younger than him, but that's not a matter.

I am still young and a romantic girl, but he doesnt like to say sweet things too often, but I know what he loves me and only me. He had few relationships before, divorced once. His ex-gf left him for another guy and he decided to close his heart to any woman until he met me.

 

But after being together for awhile, he revealed to me his sexual fantasy was threesome, orgies and swinging ... which is not right to me. I told him i didn't like it... but he insisted that i would like it and when i got wild i would do anything or he would make me to do it... I felt really hurt at that time, i tried to get away from him, but without him I felt so empty and lonely. So I told him to continue our relationship and I might give up myself for his fantasy. But we often got in bad mood when talking about it.

 

He found out he has heart's disease last summer, he got a surgery ... but last christmas, his blood pressure was very high again, it would be very dangerous. Hewas really worried that he might die soon. At that time, he told me everything of his true feelings for me. He didn't intend to get involved with me, but he ended up loving me. On one side, he wanted me to love him and stay with him but on the other side, he also wanted me to reject him and tried to do something to make he reject him, including asking me to do his sexual fantasy although he knew i didnt like it. He then said that he felt guilty of doing that and would surrender his wildness just to be with me... Although there's a big gap between us, he really wanted to take care of me...

I felt really touched and I couldn't stand when thinking of he's gone one day... I thought he was truly for me as I was for him... I tried to think positive and encourage him that he would be fine...

 

He then got better as using different treatment, eating healthy and doing exercises. However, he got another shock, about 3 months ago his mum passed away. I was once again, beside him to help him out of his down moment. We never thought about sex in that period, all the things were just so fine between us.

 

But ... just few days ago, he got hot and wild, his fantasy came back, he just forgot whatever he said to me... I told him I would not do it, so he asked me to take nude photo of myself so that he could show it off on the internet... I said NO to him. He said I pizzed him off, and maybe he should find someone who could do it (he just said that to make me jealous cuz I know he has noone else, and he didnt really want to have anyone else). He thought he's too naughty for me. I felt really hurt. Later, I sent him an email, saying that it's too much I could take. Imagining if one day I had to do what he wanted, it would be a nightmare to me, so I can't take it anymore. I want to be myself.

He then chatted with me that we would break up then, I said it was up to him... I just couldn't do what he asked... So we just broke up...

 

 

I still love him much and I know he is waiting for me to come back... But I can't can't can't give up myself... Now it really hurts me...

Am I and is he too selfish?

Deep in my heart, I dont want this to end and hoping he'll say sorry to me and give up his fantasy...

Maybe he loves his fantasy more than me... and I love myself more than him?

Sorry for long post...

[anggrace]

When you said, "mabey he loves his fantasy more than me...and I love myself more than him" you were correct. But you should love yourself more than him. That is not selfishness, in my opinion, that is having self respect. I hope you don't take him back. No one should ever be pressured like that. The fact that he chose living a fantasy over being with you should clearly tell you that he is NOT for you. Don't settle and don't ever do anything you don't want to do. You're the boss of you, not him.

[bchl]

Thank you... I am not sure how to deal with it as knowing that he is waiting for me to come back is just painful... I would feel better if he could find another woman as he wants.

I wish my mind could get stronger... I know he wont contact me but just wait, and probably he might also think breaking up is better for me as he knows he's too much for me and our big gaps...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I agree with the other posters that you are better off without him. He seems to be too hung up on his naughty fantasies that he doesn't care how you feel about it. If he wants to give up love so that he can find an empty relationship which fulfills his sexual fantasies, then he will lead a very empty life. Once he has fulfilled the fantasy, what then? It is better that you are away from him...keep your dignity and self-respect.

[bchl]

Do not feel that you are being selfish. He is the one that is selfish, and he is tryin to say everything he can to make you do what he wants. If he really loved you as much as he says he does, then he wouldn't keep tryin to force his fantasies on you, especially since you've told him no numerous times. In my opinion, I think it's best for you to end it completely with him because it's only gonna get worse. I know it's gonna hurt like hell, trust me, i've been in a VERY similar situation before, but it's got to be done. Good luck

 

Thank you all.

I bet I need time to heal this, it just happened 2 days ago so it's like a new cut in my heart. I try to do other things to not have time to think of him, but sometimes still wonder how he's feeling now.

But I made a decision that I'd better love myself, keep my dignity and self-respect as you said. Now it's just have to be done. If I contact him again this time, I probably would lose myself forever. I always try to keep that in mind. Hope i'll get over this soon as I couldnt study for my final exams when thinking about this.