i love him but.....

[sammy girl]

i'm so confused. i'm not sure if i want to break up with him. i'm very busy trying to establish myself after my marriage broke up etc.

 

now that i have a reg. boyfriend...... i just don't want any boyfriend.

 

i know i'm hurting him. i just feel crazy because i don't understand myself.

 

is it true that if he were "the one"...... i wouldn't really be having confusion. i have not spent any real time with him... (like over 45 min) in over a month now. he asks me every day to see him.... and i make up excuses. i don't like how i feel around him, like he doesn't understand me... which is strange because we were such great friends before we started this relationship.

 

it feels like we have become more uptight with one another....etc.

 

when i told him the reasons that i felt we weren't right for one another, he said.... "that's not good enough.... your stuck with me".... and kind of giggled... he didn't mean it in a controlling way.... it was him sort of being sad and trying to hang on...

 

anyway.... i'm confused and don't understand what is going on with me....

 

any insight?

[ghost69]

ahhh, the end of the rebound.

[Iceman26]

I agree with Ghost. He just isn't the guy for you and you probably need some more time to yourself.

[sammy girl]

i know it's true...

 

but i love him as person. it's hard to end it, esp. when he is such a kind caring person. i guess it seems pretty simple, but i am agonizing over what to do.... i don't want to lose such a great guy, but at the same time i don't want to be around him much.

 

just end it?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think you should break up with him because you are not treating him right. He is your rebound and blowing him off continually is just not fair to him.

[sammy girl]

i feel the same way but when i try he says that he wants to be patient and wait for me...

 

the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.

 

i just don't know if it's gonna change. i've never gone through this in any relationship. he is so patient.

my marriage was extremely abusive and my x was very controlling and dominant.

 

that is why i want to be with my new guy, i love how sweet he is and really don't want to lose him....

 

i know i am not making sense....

[Iceman26]

Why not tell him most of what you are telling us? You value his friendship but aren't ready to take things to the next level.

[yeahh]

do you think about your ex alot?

[yeahh]

i dont think the new guy is the problem. When you make up these excuses not to hangout with him what do you do instead. Is it because you don't want him to turn out like your ex in the long run, because im sure your ex was nice in the beggining too.

[sammy girl]

i either study for a big test that's coming up... or i hang out with my son and dog. i'm doing a lot of reading and i feel like i'm growing and changing.

 

i do love him.

 

maybe i should wait it out.... see how i feel after the test.

[sammy girl]

i'm not worried about the ex. no i don't think about him really. i'm over him, as far as i can tell.

[yeahh]

It would suck to waste something that could have been really good. I feel like I just want everyone to leave me alone when I have a lot of stuff going on. But if these feelings stay longer than a week or 2 then it might be time to end things. Unless you really feel like he just isn't the guy for you of course.

[sammy girl]

ya maybe i'm just overwhelmed.

[ghost69]

i'm not worried about the ex. no i don't think about him really. i'm over him, as far as i can tell.

 

ouch. yeah, let the new guy go for sure.

[Excalibur]

Tell him it is fine if he wants to be patient and wait for you - but for now and until you say otherwise, you're not accepting his calls or seeing him socially or in bed.

 

He'll move on..when you're not an option.

 

That's why you're moving on - you're sure there are other options.