Confused can anyone help?

[VicReeves]

First of all I am 23 and never had a full time girlfriend before...

 

last Wednesday I was on a course and met this lass (she is 19) and we struck up a quick friendship joking on, slapping/pushing each other playfully, anyway the next day I told one of her friends that I liked her. Come the end of the day her friend said that she would ask her out for me (I did not want her to). I heard her talking to her later behind my back. We both were walking together after this and found out that she did ask her out and she said that she was just dealing with a "splitting-up" from her last boyfriend. I said a few pleasantries and

she got on the bus and waved her goodbye.

 

The next day, to my surprise she was acting perfectly normal (because i gave her hints as if I liked her) around me. Joking etc. Anyway at the end of that day I asked her if she wanted a walk around the town centre tomorrow afternoon as we had a half days and she said "allright". anyway she persuaded me to wait for 45 minutes for another bus we both got on it and said said a few personal secrets

 

Friday came and she went for some chips and we had a walk around the town for 3 hours and going to the park and the winter gardens. I thought it was a nice afternoon, we started in the park and she played some music from her phone and she was singing along and I was telling her off jokingly. We went into the winter gardens and when we say down I said "do you mind if I do something" and I put my arm around her and I asked her if she does not mind she said "no" and then I asked about holding hands she said yes and after that we held hands for most of the afternoon. After looking in shops at clothes we decided to go for the bus. I gave her my number and I said that she did not have to give me her number she didn't because she did not want to give her number because of her last relationship I said I just take your time and give me the number when you want. Anyway when she was sitting at the bus station she put her head on my shoulder, the bus came and I put my arm around her again she rested her head on my shoulder and I held her hand aswell .

 

I could not have been happier yesterday. she did not text me at all on Saturday (i did not panic because i know she wanted to take her time with anything romantic so soon after splitting up on monday" (My football team won and survived in the English premiership) anyway 10 o'clock this morning I get a text saying that she wanted us to be friends and that she was sorry if she hurt me at first I texted her back and said that it was ok but a couple of hours later it hit me and I felt really down and texted her again to say that I was gutted and after 30 minutes she did not reply I gave her a ring and she did not really say much. I will not see her until Wednesday now, do I feel like this until Wednesday?, I asked her if she is interested in another man and she said that she wasn't she then said that she would see me on Wednesday.

 

I think that my inexperiance cost me, I asked her a few times if she liked me once she said that she didnt know and was talking about her last relationship that ended at the start of that week. I have strong feelings for her and I am not sure if she has. She is giving mixed signals : not texting me much - not making much small talk.putting her head on my shoulder, holding hands

 

 

I have a couple of questions.

 

1. Does she like me?

2. What should I do next?

3. When we were on the bus on Friday should I have bit the bullet and suggest to go to my place?

4. If she does like me have I blown it?

 

thanks for reading

[mr100heartbeats]

first of all mate, she has just has just finished a relationship so her feelings and emotions are likely to be all over the place right now, she could be feeling lonely and vunerable which is why you are probably getting mixed signals from her.

 

From the way you right you seem to come accross as one of the 'nice' guys, it looks like she is comfortable with as a friend, the holding hands and head on shoulder scenarios could just be her looking for a bit of companionship and security.

 

My advice would not to be too pushy, obviously you like her and she just wants to be friends back so right now you have to respect that, getting involved so soon after her breakup is going to be bad news for both of you.

 

Stay friends, but try to avoid being friendzoned, tell her that you like her and that you are interested, if she likes you back hopefully she will tell you in time.

[VicReeves]

Cheers matey. So would you just wait take a step back

[Batya33]

You knew the risks going in and it sounds like she feels exactly as she did before the date - that she is not ready. I would back off. I also would suggest next time don't ask permission to hold a woman's hand or put your arm around her if you are on a date. Just do it.

[VicReeves]

You knew the risks going in and it sounds like she feels exactly as she did before the date - that she is not ready. I would back off. I also would suggest next time don't ask permission to hold a woman's hand or put your arm around her if you are on a date. Just do it.

 

I have no experience in dating at all I did not know what to do or understand dating. the last thing I wanted to do was hurt/upset her thats why I asked her I did not feel comfortable and was nervous just putting my arm around her.

[Batya33]

what I am saying is that if you are on a date with someone it is normal to hold the person's hand - that shouldn't hurt the average person - and of course try to get a sense of her body language - don't grab her hand if she is keeping her body as far away from you as possible or seems to be having a bad time. use common sense. it's fine to be inexperienced and it's great that you're getting practice - I just meant this as a "for next time" input.

 

Also fake it till you make it. Be a good actor and when you put your arm around her do it confidently and naturally even if inside you are shaking. Just like being on a job interview. It gets easier. Good luck!

[VicReeves]

Thanks for the info, I just feel awful now understanding the situation I feel like I was selfish.

[mr100heartbeats]

I can relate to your issues as i have been there before on my early dates, always want to be the gentleman, the nice guy, even though most women say they want a guy like that, you have not to appear needy, coz if they sense that you will get walked on, believe me...i know lol!

 

if you are really interested, then spend more time with her, if she is interested then she will want to spend time with you, dont be pushy if she dosnt respond, sometimes being distant can be a good thing, let her find her own space and see where it goes.

 

One thing that helped me in my inexperienced days was to get myself lots of female friends and just be friends with no dating intention, get a feel on how they react when you are around, analyse how the work and how they act with other guys and girls, that way you get a truer picture of what they like and that will build your confidence, then you never know, one day something will click, and you will know when that happens!

 

Just be honest with her and be open so she knows what cards are on the table, just dont be pushy and if she wants to take one of those cards then she will!

[Batya33]

I have found it very different to go on a date with someone than to be in a friends situation. i also am not a big fan of sensing that a man thinks that I think or act a certain way just because I am female. I agree that being in a variety of social situations helps with social skills in general.

[VicReeves]

good advice, but i wouldn't be surprised if she did not want to talk to me again and blanks me on Wednesday its what i deserve.

[Batya33]

good advice, but i wouldn't be surprised if she did not want to talk to me again and blanks me on Wednesday its what i deserve.

 

No, if she doesn't think you're a match or she is not ready to date (which she forewarned you about) then that is the risk you take when you date. Not about what you did right, wrong or otherwise, and not about what you "deserve."

[schueysgirl]

You shouldnt feel awful. But the warning sign was there: she has just split up with someone and is confused, vunerable and lonely. She would of been greatful for the attention, the hand holding the hugging etc whether she wanted anything more from you or not, she was not in the right frame of mind to turn down such attention as it will heal her hurt for a little time.

 

Do not feel selfish. Just back off. Leave her to it and to sort herself out. Then who knows? But back off for now and focus on yourself, otherwise she may play you for a fool

[VicReeves]

Well I do deserve it for being ignorant of her feelings I have myself to blame for this debacle.

[Batya33]

Please stop the pity party. ;-). One date is not a debacle. It's a date. Sometimes it leads to a second date, sometimes not.

[VicReeves]

ok, Sorry to bring the mood down its been an experience though.The last time i communicated with her was about 2 hours ago I sent her some jokes I have her number but I will keep my distance for the time being And focus on other things.thanks guys