Broken Up / Pushed Her Away

[pewpew]

We broke up not to long ago. About 2 weeks before we broke up she said that she needed to take a break to think about things (at this point I obviously thought that we were going to end). I thought the best choice was to have her stay because if she went on that break then she could come back and we wouldn't be together. Well it turns out even though she didn't go on that break we wouldn't be together anyway (made a great choice there.. I know

 

I keep trying to get me and her back together. Shes even said things to me like "I never loved you", "I don't want to be with you", or "Everything I said was a lie". It makes me look at her and realize how cold and heartless she really is. I don't care though. I still want to be together with her.

 

I pushed her away by constantly pouring my feelings out for her. Telling her how much I love her, how much I think about her, etc. I realize that it was a mistake, but I can't just not talk to her... I feel bad when she rejects me, but I feel worse when I'm not able to speak to her.

 

I realize that giving her space is probably the best thing I could possibly do (if I ever wanted to have a chance at being with her). Its just something that is very hard for me to do. She is always on my mind and I feel like the window of opportunity is always closing. What happens if during that time she ends up being with someone else?

 

I know my situation isn't special. I know theres a million people out there that have gone through something exactly like this or a similar situation. Theres just a lot more to it than "We broke up, I still love her, she has no feelings for me".

 

 

- Long distance relationship

- She has had feelings for other people

- I have helped a girl out with her relationship with another guy and she found out about it and saw it as flirting

- She tells me that she never loved me in the first place (even though she has probably said the words 'i love you' to me over 500 times)

 

Like I said.. I feel as if the window of opportunity is closing by the second. I feel as if I have severely * * * * ed up by trying to get me and her back together. Its something that I still want, but I don't know how to go about it.

 

I have tried to do NC before as well.. and I caved twice

The first time only lasted about 30 hours (yes I know.. its sad that I couldn't resist talking to her for that long)

The second time only lasted 3 days (it ended because someone lied to me about her and another guy getting together and I was extremely frustrated and felt like I had to talk with her - it was a lie and she wasn't with anyone)

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think instead of focusing on getting her back, you should be focusing on regaining control over yourself and your dignity and self-respect. She is treating you like garbage...what makes someone so special if they treat you like garbage. She is not special..someone who can turn around and say "I never loved you" when breaking up with someone is a disgusting pig. You just don't say that to someone. Whether or not it is true is immaterial...you just don't say things like that to people...it is cruel. But then again, you say she has had feelings for other people while you were with her and she accused you of flriting when she herself was the one who developed feelings for others...not the sign of a very wonderful person.

 

This woman doesn't have a heart and you are too needy. You need to take a giant step back and really look at yourself. Why do you really need someone who can behave in such a cruel manner.

[pewpew]

 

This woman doesn't have a heart and you are too needy. You need to take a giant step back and really look at yourself. Why do you really need someone who can behave in such a cruel manner.

 

 

 

 

The way we talked while we were together is one of the reasons I care so much for her and why I still want to be with her

 

Remembering the past and how she made me feel and how she "said" I made her feel is why I still cling onto the situation

[lou31]

i agree with CAD. She should never have said she didnt love you - true or not it does not matter. its one thing to finish with someone but it takes on another dimension when a person you have had a relationship with and have a history with is downright cruel. there really is no excuse for that. so stop looking for an excuse.

 

you will get past this. but again as CAD said, take a look at yourself. stop being so needy. im not trying to be harsh but it really isnt an attractive tait. i know you are feeling down, vulnerable, confused, upset. but try and think about this logically ... just for a minute. she has you dancing to her tune. she is showing no respect for you. is that what you want from a partner? i mean really? no you dont. everyone has memories they dwell on (mostly good ones) about closeness, intimacy, letting your guard down with another person etc etc. but its very easy to place to much focus on them when you are apart. and not remember the reality. you need to stand back and look at this situation as if you were an outside looking in. how would you advise another person going through this?

 

step back and look after yourself and your own needs. look deep inside yourself and try and see a positive from this. her actions (if she is a semi decent person and thats a big if judging by your post) will come back to haunt her. you in the meantime need to look after your own needs.

 

No contact. none whatsoever. until you are in a better place. and until (if) she can prove to you she is a decent human being let alone a worthwhile partner.

 

keep posting. sorry if im being harsh, just trying to help. its easier fo an outsider to see something you maybe cant see when you are too emotional and caught up in something to see clealy yourself.

[Litgirl01]

You have to go by how she treats you now...which is not very good! Sorry, I know EXACTLY how you feel! Retain your dignity and walk away now...find someone who deserves all the love you have to give!

[pewpew]

Trust me.. I've looked at every angle

 

She is honestly a cold and heartless * * * * * for how she has been treating me for the past couple of weeks

I will say that

 

I've talked with other people as well - its just hard for me to accept something when my mind and heart is telling me to do something else (like you said.. I'm caught up in the confusion)

 

I will do what you and crazy said though.. because I know it will be the best for me in the end

 

I know as well that if I'm going to be with anyone that I should get the same love and respect that I give that person in return - not what she has been showing me

[Vulcan800]

hey I had the same thing happen to me. All the cruel, nasty, dirty things my ex said to me made me weaker instead of stronger at the time.

 

Now looking back in retrospect, I say to myself and remind myself all the time. If someone can be that cruel and belittle your feelings and the relationship like that whether or not she meant it or was just mad whatever no excuse to do that to someone. No one deserves that sort of treatment (unless you really are an A-hole) but that doesn't seemt the case here so.

 

I know it hurst and I still struggle with the fall out of the things she said to me but on the other hand you have 2 choices

 

1.) let this beat you till your down below the ground

 

2.) lick your wounds and dust yourself off and go meet someone that will appreciate you for YOU!

 

I know its hard believe me its hard I know but I forced myself out and soon realized that Hey ya know what! my ex wasn't the only girl in this world.

 

There are many out there and even if you think right now she was the most perfect this and that believe me NO ONE is perfect if we all were perfect we all would bored lol

 

She isn't worth the words you type here as my ex was also mean and cruel who needs that noise?

 

We all know, especialy, us nice people that were taking advatage of and treated so badly that when we lay our heads down at night we can sleep with a clear conscience that it was not our fault.

 

Its thier loss even if they choose to remain blind to it.

 

Its all about you man all about you take care of yourself and worry about others later all will find its place and all things will come to be.

[DeviousDevil]

Good advice Vulcan.

[pewpew]

the other night I realized to myself something by reading the replies on here and talking to a couple of my friends about this

 

I realized that I am better than this and I will be able to move on and find someone else

Then I talked to someone else about her. We talked about everything that happened and he asked me the question: "If she came to you right now and asked you to be with her again what would you say?"

 

after he asked me that I just kind of sat still looking at the screen

I said "I love her .. I would take her back in a heartbeat"

after I typed that out I nearly broke down completely .. why would I do something like that? Take her back. Why?

 

I was frustrated for awhile. Having a mix of hatred and love for her all at the same time.

 

I messaged her again. I resorted to throwing things back at her face that shes done to me .. thinking it would make me feel better

It didn't

I broke down while talking to her and spilled my feelings again

 

/sigh

[Vulcan800]

Yeah I did the same things you did brought up stuff she did to me ect. Ya know what man THEY DON"T CARE!

 

thats the thing about someone thats nasty and cold hearted like that especialy at this time, they honestly don't care what you have to say and its like your words go in one ear and right out the next.

 

You are wasting your time even talking to someone like this.

 

Your words wont affect her at all Believe me I know!

 

It will only make things worse.

 

Alos, is it really worth it? I mean if you HAVE TO EXPLAIN to someone how bad they treated you I mean come on!! I know it hurts cause you are on the receivening end but ifyou have to remind someone that they way they are treating you is wrong Oh geezz how bad is that!

 

So do yourself a favor and forget talking abot anything let it go screw it it is not worth saying anything at this point

[Brokenhearted87]

Hmm. This post helped me. You make a good point, at this stage, "WHY BOTHER?!"

 

Thanks.

[pewpew]

I still want to get back together with her

 

One of my friends suggested that I should say something mean and hurtful towards her (point out flaws etc.) if I wanted to get back together with her

 

His reasoning is this: If you say something hurtful towards her she will feel sorry for you and want to fix things between you two. Then after that she will be nice and try to rebuild things with you.

 

--

 

However I think hes high and an idiot

 

wanted to get some opinions on that however

[jomb28]

im also in the same situation. we broke up 3 weeks ago. she said the same reasons for me. i know that she's just thinking to much about her work and family. i tried to talk to her after 3 days we broke up and ask her to have another try but i think i just pushed her away. im doing NC now, and it helped me to improve myself. i miss her everyday and my feeling for her is getting stronger. i just keep in mind something that i read in some post that things will happen naturally and if you really meant for each other you are meant to be but if not someone else will be knocking in your heart. just stay focus in improving yourself.