Ex is acting very differently now.

[redtan]

It's been about 2 months or so since my gf of 3 years broke it off with me. For a while I was smothering her trying to win her back, but it only drove her away more. So much that she almost didn't want to talk to me ever again, and once I stopped she felt a huge relief of not having to talk to me all the time and was enjoying the lack of stress. For the next month or so I kept in NC until the other day when I sent her a long email thanking her for the breakup as I had become a person I did not want to be and the time off has helped me re-find myself and become the person that I always was. I just wanted to send her that to get it off my mind and let her know that what she did was actually good for me right now.

 

Well this is when it all turned around. Lemmie reiterate: for the past 2 months she didnt want to talk to me, felt forced, felt obligated, felt smothered, didn't want to really see me but she did anyway out of pity, said that it was best to not talk and not see eachother for a couple months. Now after this letter she replies back with: I miss talking to you, I actually enjoy talking to you, I want to talk to you more and if you're not ready then I will "sit and wait" for you to be able to talk to me. The last time I went back to her town, I tried to see her but she wasn't really interested and for the 2 minutes I did she was awkward and kept saying she had to go. Yesterday I went back there to see a friend, and when she saw my car drive by her work she called me and we had a good fun relaxing convo that ended with a "you should come by and visit me at work" and then a really cheerful bye. I did not stop by her place, instead I went to see my friend. After work she calls me again to talk for a little, then goes home (which is in the same building as the friend). When I find out that she will be coming to my friend's place, I quickly scamper to the bathroom and stay there. When my friend gives me the all clear (15 minutes later) I go to find out that she just wanted to drop off something that belonged to me that she still had. Then, kinda awkwardly just waited around the apartment for 15 minutes. My friend thought it was a little weird, as they don't really know eachother, but yet she hung around not really saying much. I was told she definitely had wanted to see me and whatnot.

 

So my question is, * * * is this chick doing? Now she's chasing me kinda obviously by wanting and waiting to talk, by asking me to visit her, by wanting to see me and whatnot. But why all of a sudden, what would cause her to now want attention from me which a month ago was a huge burden on her?

[Litgirl01]

It's that whole..people want what they can't have thing!

[NorthDallas40]

We can't know exactly how she's feeling, but one thing is obvious.

 

You were annoying the hell out of her before, and she couldn't stand it.

 

Now that you're not smothering her, she feels she can enjoy being around you again. Just learn from your mistakes and take things slow & easy if you get back in touch.

 

i.e. NC wins again.

[redtan]

Ok so how do I approach this? I obviously want to be in this girls life again, but I'm not sure how and to what effect exactly.

 

What I dont want to do:

 

be too smothering and push her away again (tho I wont be mentioning the relationship anymore, I still think being too available will do just that)

 

be too nonchalant about it that she forgets about me and gives up herself

 

become truly a friend like she wants and then I get the good ol' friendonized status that I cant ever get out of and hope to move into more of a romantic status

 

So I need to figure out how to act without pushing her away, losing her by being non existant and without being only thought of as a friend.

[redtan]

I forgot to mention that the reason I am still not completely forgetting about her and am trying to play this "game" if you will:

 

Right now I live about 4 hours away for a job, and she will be graduating in August and moving to my town to start her new job in September. I know a big reason for ending it was the distance, so at least that will help come September. So I want to stay in touch with her over long distance just enough so that in a couple months I will be in good standing with her that we can take things from there as they come.

[george237]

She may just want to be friends. Make sure you are ready for that.

[GizMo567]

This is not so easy but..You may want to ask what she wants..It is all very confusing as she knows that you still want her after the letter (or else you wouldn't have sent it) and there is no telling if she wants you back or she just misses being with someone at the moment. I think this is something for you to decipher and figure out because you do not want to be led out of false hope. Good luck.

[redtan]

The letter said nothing of me wanting her back, and I know she is not lonely or misses being with someone at the moment because she is with someone else, but purely physical no relationship or feelings at all.

[jraf]

She may just want to be friends. Make sure you are ready for that.

 

Exactly what I'm thinking.

Wanting to talk to you isn't the same as wanting to be with you.

[eatingsnow]

same thing happened to me.. he broke up with me. then i went NC. n i also thanked him for the break up. cuz liked u said, it gave me self reflection. personal growth came with that.

then he wanted me back.. so i gave in, less than one month, he broke up with me, cuz he said when he is with me the second time again just reminded him why we broke up the first place..

 

it wasnt the first time he did that to me.. but over the period of 8 years, on and off, on and off, and on and off.. the cycle has to stop one day.. and it is this time.

 

be strong, i wasnt strong enough to say no to him, and i think you need to figure out what is it that you want.

 

Are you ready to be just a friend without falling for her again?

if you were to be together, what was the issues that caused the break up in the first place?

Can you workout these issues?

 

btw..

check out the post by SuperDave71:

You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

 

[GizMo567]

red - what i meant was when you sent the letter, it showed her that you were still thinking of her in some sort of way and she jumped all over it. She may have missed you, wanted to be with you, she may just want someone that cares, but the only to person to know what she is thinking is her. You don't want to be led completely on and then get slammed on your behind for a second time. Good luck.

[99CamaroZ28]

She may just want to be friends. Make sure you are ready for that.

 

I was thinking the same thing...doesn't sound at all like she wants to be with you. Sounds like the "friend zone" and avoid that at all costs, I tried being friends with an ex and it's so awkward it's crazy and I just couldn't do it