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Don't know what to think about break up


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Hi, I'm new but I found this forum through a search engine and it seems like people here have some really thoughtful perspectives and I need some support right now.


This'll be long but to those who go through it, I would really appreciate some insight.


I'm having a hard time dealing with the breakup between me and the now ex. We were going out for two and a half years. Although we've had rough patches, things have been recently going great and I finally thought we got our act together.


He recently told me that he needed space and that his life had become overwhelming to the point where having a girlfriend was too taxing on him. In retrospect, I regret asking, but he at first said he needed a break and emotional space. I asked him whether we were on a break because he wanted to spare my feelings or on a break because he thought we could work things out. He broke up with me.


He was supposed to see me this weekend as he said he owed it to me for cancelling a trip I thought was going to be wonderful for us for my birthday ( I didn't even get a happy birthday, great hey). He ended up not showing up or calling and I had to call him today before he left to get my things back and some money he owed me. He agreed to see me for it but only stayed for five minutes.


What's been hardest for me is he said he wanted to talk to me. I really see now that he still needs time to sort things out. On the phone he apologized for standing me up and being busy (no excuse) and said that he had figured some things out and he wanted to talk to me about it. He said that he was ok with his life now, his job, his family and his friends. I wasn't ready to hear how great his life was and it just hit me real hard. Like, how could he throw everything we've been through away? But he said he wanted to make the time to talk to me about it (little did I know it didn't mean -now-) and I asked, "Will I want to hear what you have to say?" and he didn't hesitate and said yes, I did.


I guess I expected that we would talk. I can get over that, but he also said, "I need space still and I want to give you space." I got really uptight about that because I was getting upset at this point and said, "Space is for people who are on breaks not people who are broken up." But I realize that he still needs space to think about things. I keep thinking he means he wants space and he'll come back to talk to me as if we're on a break but I don't want to give myself false hope.


I'm smart enough to know that I can't get over him this quickly and that still having feelings for him is natural but I know I have to move on. At the same time, I keep getting the idea that all he wants is space. I got all my things back from him but he didn't want to take his things and even gave me his backpack to take my stuff home in. If you want to break up with someone, wouldn't you want to get all your things back so you can move on and get it over with? That's what I found so strange. He said I could drop off his things the next time he was in town and staying with his brother. He didn't even want to see me, I had to practically force him to give me my things.


And him saying there were things I wanted to hear gave me hope and I know it shouldn't. Maybe it means he just wants to tell me all the great things he figured out about his life to make it better. He said he wanted to start his life over and be a better person. He kept apologizing and saying he was sorry he did this to me. That obviously doesn't mean anything though.


I was told by a counsellor that he's going through a crisis right now where everything is overwhelming and he's shutting everyone out to give him some relief. I was told he was putting up a wall so he wouldn't have a nervous breakdown and he needed time to come to terms with what's bothering him. I was told to give him the space he needs and when he's ready, he'll come back and talk to me. It may not be what I want to hear but he'll be back. I just want my ex to think about the good times and to put the past aside so that maybe we can work on what we have now and start anew. I don't just want him to leave it at this though and move on. I want him to talk to me so bad.


I feel so dumb for thinking I might have a small chance. And that I can't stop thinking I do. I wrote him a letter apologizing for my contribution to this end and what I did that was terrible and if I had another chance, I'd do it better. But I don't think it works that way.


I guess what I'm looking for is... comfort? I honestly think he's a decent guy despite what he's going through right now. While he's sorting his life out, I have to move on and it's hard because it's taking me a while and I'm not able to concentrate on much else and I have to maintain my life.


He said he would never forget me and that hurt so much. I asked him if he knew what saying yes to my question about if I wanted to hear what he had to say actually implied and he said yes but I don't think he was listening as I only got five minutes to talk to him.


Thanks to those who read, I appreciate it and it means a lot.

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It was actually a mess of things, really, that accumulated up to this point. I'm sorry to say I didn't see the signs but when I look back, there were plenty. I can't excuse my behaviour in the past or his but we both were at fault for this and like I said, I feel stupid for still wanting him. He made it clear that giving him space was not about seeing other people or finding someone new. It was about finding himself and figuring out where his life is going and where ours is (was) going.

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