To wait or not to wait.

[scottzorrzz]

Hello again.

 

I post this out of confusion.

 

I finally found someone who I connect with. There is just something about her that draws me in. We have great fun together. We talk about things that we couldn't talk about with anyone else. We share things with each about our past. There is just this fantastic chemistry between us.

 

There is a small problem: she is married. Oy! I should choose my words carefully. Allow me to explain. She filed for divorce a month ago. Both parties have moved on. So she's separated, but still legally married until all of this clears up.

 

We've been "dating" for a few weeks now. It's weird how our dates go though. It seems like we're just friends when we're out and about, but as soon as we get back to my place (or hers) it's a different story. I'm still not sure exactly what's happening. I guess the only thing I can use to describe it is "friends with benefits" but that sounds like an excuse.

 

I want to be in a relationship. I guess this whole "still legally married" thing is kind of getting in the way. Patience is a virture, but I hate playing the waiting game.

 

To top things off I get attached very quickly. We had a discussion about what our relationship status is and what that means for us both in the future. She said she isn't emotionally ready. She's given her all to every relationship she has been in and they have all ended in heartache. I totally know where she is coming from and I respect her. But what about me? I feel like I am ready and I don't really want to waste my time with this "friends with benefits" bull * * * * . You either want someone or you don't. Isn't it that simple anymore?

 

I guess I'm just confused. I want to take the relationship to the next level, but she either doesn't or is not ready. What do I do? If I sit around and wait I'll drive myself insane. If I don't wait I may lose this awesome connection we share.

 

Oy.

 

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me, so won't you kill me so I die happy?

[Timebandit]

You suffering from a serious case of one-itis, i.e. you have met someone you are putting all your hopes on. She is NOT emotionally available to you. She might need you for emotional support and sexual gratification. But she is going through a phase of great change and great confusion.

 

I know it's damn hard to do, but I think you should take the high road and say: "I deserve better". Don't compromise yourself for a woman.

[Angel_baby]

She isn't ready for anymore commitment and might not be for quite some time.

 

I wouldn't stick around waiting on something that isn't happening. She is just now getting that "I'm single again" perspective and is most likely going to want to stay at that status for a bit to find out where she is at in life again.

[civilservant]

She's made herself quite clear, and it's down to you to decide to if you can accept that and live with it. I hear what you're saying about wanting more but she's not emotionaly avaliable to you at this moment in time. I have had the same situation, and decided that in the long run I'd rather accept what we had and enjoy it than be without her completley. If you decide to do this than it will hurt when shes ready and it isn't with you but only you can make the decision.

 

If you accept it, you deserve someone who does what everything with you, so it'd be best to move on now.