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Unsure whether to stay or leave. Help!


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Hi All,


I am going to try to make this concise.


I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years. When we first got together, my parents told me that we met too young (I was 18, he was 21). I understand what they mean now, he is the type of guy who is perfect to end up with, we get along very well and he would make an amazing husband, not to mention that he is head over heals in love with me.


My problem is that I do not want to give this relationship up because it is so good, but I also feel bored and trapped because I haven't gotten to do all the things people my age do. Because of this I always get irritated with him and take him for granted. In addition to this, I have had a crush on his friend for about a year now. It is nothing I would ever act upon and I know it due mostly to my dissatisfaction with my position, as opposed to the actual guy. But every time I see him (about once a month), I am tormented for weeks afterwards and begin to feel even more trapped.


In high school, I jumped from relationship to relationship because I was more comfortable dealing with guys than making girlfriends, and then I met my current boyfriend on the first day of university. I feel like I am using him as an excuse to avoid dealing with my social issues. This makes me depressed because I have not done a lot of the social stuff you are supposed to do in university and I am already in third year. I take a lot of this out on him, although it is purely my fault.


I'm not sure what I should do, as I don't want to lose him but I also don't want to go on feeling trapped and like my life is already settled at 20 years old. Also, I really wish I could get over this crush. Any advice??

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Leave him.


#1: He is not the only man you'll find who is "husband material."


#2: He is not the only man who will love you as deeply.


#3: This is not the only safe, or "good" relationship that you'll be in.


#4: And this one is important, you have started to resent your b/f. You resent him for the fact that you can't date around and live the carefree/single type of life. Just so you know: This resentment will never go away if you stay with your b/f. I know b/c this has happened to me before. Your resentment will only grow, and you will gradually treat him worse and worse, even though nothing will really be his fault.


#5: The biggest mistake I made, as far as dating is concerned, was to wait things out and hope that my feelings would change. To wait things out, and hope that I'd see a clear cut sign, telling me whether I should have left him or not.


Luckily, though, even though being with my ex took 6 years of my life away from me, I did end up leaving him. I've never felt better or happier! It really feels as if a weight was lifted off of my chest . . . off of my life.


Don't be with this guy because you "think" you should.


You should be with someone because of what your heart says. Because you want to be with that person.


BELIEVE ME when I tell you that this "itch" will never go away unless you fulfill it, AND your relationship will continue to deteriorate for as long as you have such feelings.


Leave him.

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I agree that you should leave. Loving someone is doing what is best for them as well as yourself. He does deserve someone who loves him as much as he does her and who doesn't feel trapped by him. If he is such a great guy he shouldn't have much trouble finding someone like that, once his heart is healed from being broken.


Whether you will find someone as good as him when you are ready is another issue but that is always a risk when breaking up with a good and loving person.

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It sounds like you have a problem of balance that isn't going to go away if you break up. I agree that you should leave but I think it's also important to realize that you need to deal with these issues now because they will crop up again in every relationship you have. Why can't you do all the things young people do and still have a boyfriend? I think you can find a balance and it's something you need to do but it also sounds like this guy is not the one for you.

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What do you mean by "social things"? I'm not entirely sure what you think you're missing out on.


Why don't you start doing the things you want to do? If they would be considered cheating, then you might want to take a break from the relationship for a while. Otherwise I don't see why you can't just do all the things you want to do.

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I also feel bored and trapped because I haven't gotten to do all the things people my age do.

Like what? Drink, party and screw around?...LOL

Drink, party, screw your boyfriend and NOT his friend...


A good guy can be an incredibly hard thing to find. Think carefully before giving one up.

So true...


Leave HIM before you DO something stupid and hurt the poor bugger...he deserves better than that.

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