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For him or For Me....

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Ok, so recently I started cutting again. My boyfriend knows and he isn't happy about it. I mean, who would be. Anyways, he said some things tonight that make me think. Said that I am stubborn and this whole cutting is merely an impulse because I can't handle some emotions. (least he did his homework) I said, thats all I know how to do. When I was younger, like age range of 12-20, I was never really allowed to show emotion. My issues were never as important as my brother's or my sister's. I learned not to say anything. To just stop talking about it. So I did and that is where self injury came into my life. Learned of a way, to keep it to myself and to handle it my way. People are saying "my way" wasn't right. What if someone came up to you and said, "Sorry this is wrong change it" when it is something that is so engrained within you.


Now, for some time I stopped and there is a reason. I did it for him. I stopped for because that is what he wanted. Not what I wanted. Now he is along the lines of do it for yourself not for me. How can you give up something you don't want to actually give up.


DO I do it for him?

DO I do it for me?


What do I do????

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My ex self-injured, and I tried to talk with him about it. I didn't know the proper way to handle the situation, and a lot of times I would get scared or angry. I tried ignoring it, but it would just escalate, and it hurt me so much to see him injuring his body the way he did.


I have no idea now what he is doing, if he is self-injuring with his new girlfriend, but I hope for his sake, and for the sake of everyone in his life, he will stop. It's so important to seek counseling for this, because the issues are deep-seated and cannot be worked out overnight.


Do it for yourself, and for those you love--

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I think ultimately you have to want to stop. It is important that you want to do it for yourself. Although it obviously involves other people, the final decision is yours.

If you do it for someone else, there is a likely hood that you may begin to associate stopping with that person. If they then let you down, and perhaps go out of your life for some reason, it may result in you cutting again, because that person is no longer there to support you.

However, at the end of the day, it has to be what works for you. Its fantastic that you were able to stop for your boyfriend. From this, i can see that you're now strong enough to stop for yourself. There's no doubt it's a big step, but it's one you can work towards.

If you don't want to stop, perhaps your not ready to let go of it yet. It's hard to give up a coping mechanism that you have relied on for so long.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Okay this is what i always say. I stopped only for the people around me but then it became as though i had stopped for me too.


If even at first you have to stop for someone else, any reason to stop is good, as long as you dont put all your focus onto stopping for one singular person because when they are gone then you have no reason not too. But if you look at it as in "right now i dont feel strong enough nor do i like myself enough to stop just for me, i will stop for the people i love in general." it ends up helping alot.


If that made any sense at all. Sorry if it didnt.


In the end it is up to you. It is your choice. But if you have stopped once before you can do it again. If you stop for someone else you can stop for yourself too.


Goodluck. Pm me if you ever need someone.

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