I don't have a best friend, or even any really close friends, anymore.

[Religioux]

Back in high school (I'm now a sophomore in college) I had a group of friends, three girls, who I was pretty close with. We were all pretty shy, introverted people with odd interests (anime, video games, etc) not shared by many others. But once we went off to college, I drifted away from them for various reasons. Since college, I've met a few people who I've been friendly with, gone out to eat with, hung out with, etc. But no one who I could consider a "best" friend, or even a really close friend.

 

It just depresses me because it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me socially, like I must annoy people or something. I don't know. What's strange is, once I hit college, I gained a lot of confidence and actually have a lot of guys interested in me. It's not hard for me to find a boyfriend or anything, but...what I miss, is a girlfriend, you know? A close female friend, who I can be silly and feminine with, joke around with about sex, go out to lunch with...all that jazz.

 

I don't know how to fix this. Is there a way to put more effort into things, without scaring people off? I feel like appearing desperate for companionship is a real turn-off for people. But I am lonely. Having a boyfriend helps, of course, but it's not everything, nor should it be in my opinion.

 

Any advice? This lonely girl would appreciate it.

[Crush85]

Are you involved in anything? Sports? Clubs? Co-workers? People at church? The options are many and you're bound to find someone you can hang with.

 

And if you still can't find someone, (sorry if this sounds silly), but may I suggest getting a dog?

[Religioux]

Now that you mention it, yeah, I am fairly close with a few of my co-workers. But the problem is, I'm the youngest worker there, and those I'm close with are much older. The one I'm closest with is thirty-five. I suppose that since I'm twenty, it's not too radical of an age difference. But it still doesn't feel quite the same, you know?

 

But no, I'm not in any sports/clubs/etc. My college has a pretty pitiful selection of student activities, to be honest.

[Lily04]

Wow, you are me. Do you live in Canada by any chance? lol. I joined various things but still didnt meet anyone close and I'm in my last year of college. I wish I could have had more of a social life though, as I tend to meet people going clubbing but I have no one to go clubbing with!! so it's a catch 22. I'm going to join a swim team and yoga lessons soon enough though.. with spring/summer, there's a bit more flexibility and options I'm sure you'll meet people in time.

 

Oh also a note - during my years in college, I have had a few friendships. Even close friends. But many of them wouldnt want to hang out so much, but it was OK 'cause we'd still talk. But since last year, they ALL drifted away... i dont know if that's the same with you, but it sort of taught me that you can make friends but... they might go. So you just have to start again, I guess...imagine it like you're moving to a new city where you don't know anyone and have to start over. I feel sad that they're gone but I have tried msging them over this year and they never get back to me, so for whatever reason it seems they just left... it still bugs me but oh well... I think part of the reaosn may be that they're really busy with school and have a serious bf now.

 

Also... the place where I met people the most was in class. I made most of my friends in class... so being in school is good. I'm sort of scared as i'm graduating this year... but i'm sure you'll be fine if you attend your lectures and strike up conversations with people every once in a while..!

[big greg]

That is what happened to me when I moved away. I couldn't make any new close friends for the life of me, It's like nobody can clique like I could with my best buds from back home.

 

Although, I found out.. that the definition of a "Best" friend is someone who is going to always be there for you as a friend, not just when you're around. My "best" friends from back home.... it's nothing to go for a year without talking to any of them, but when I come back into town or something, it's JUST like it used to be before i moved away, and there is no separation at all. That's just one of the things about growing older in age... close friends seem to be scarce. I would try calling up your old girlfriends and seeing if you guys can get together sometime and hang out like you used to.

[lila...]

Are you involved in anything? Sports? Clubs? Co-workers? People at church? The options are many and you're bound to find someone you can hang with.

 

And if you still can't find someone, (sorry if this sounds silly), but may I suggest getting a dog?

 

Lol, I don't want to make fun of your idea, but it is a bit silly to suggest getting a dog. You can't go shopping, talk about intimacy, joke around, and go out to lunch with your dog. I have some dogs, and they're great campanionship, but they'd never replace the relationship of a best friend.

 

To the OP, I know what you mean. I've never lived in a place long enough to develop a close relationship with somebody, and add to that the fact that I'm not an extroverted, outgoing person. I don't have a best friend where I live, my closest friend is a guy but it's not the same as having that close girlfriend you could go shopping and hang out with. I don't work, I go to an adult school right now so everyone there are mostly older people, so that's partly why I can't befriend anybody. But I'll be starting university in the fall, hopefully I'll meet new people I could get along with. I agree in that you should join some classes you could be interested in and try to strike up conversations with random people, those are great opportunities to meet new people.

[Miss Firecracker]

It is common to have a harder time making friends after HS. Seems like half the threads here are about this subject. So you just have to work about ten times as hard if you really want to have friends. That means getting out there as much as possible, joining clubs, volunteering, anything to meet more people.

[Roasted Carrots]

I'm in the exact same position. All my friends from high school drifted away, especially my female friends. Still somewhat close to a small handful of male friends.

 

I'm not terrible worried about it. My sister goes to school with me and we're very close. I have a small handful of people that I talk to in my classes. But I do miss that "best friendship" of someone (female) who knows me inside and out, and all the inside jokes.

 

I'm just not trying to force it. Trying to be friendly in class and stuff like that

 

Haha and the dog idea isn't that bad, IMO. My dog is probably my other best friend.

[bluerock]

it is really tough for some girls to learn how to balance friendships when a new guy comes into their life. i wonder if what u are going thru is related to that?

 

i have always been the type to let my personal relationships and interests dwindle when I got a boyfriend. Then I have him and we are like -on an island. But deep down I am very lonely and wish I still had my friends. Now that me and the guy(s) are over, it's hard to go back to the friends because their lives have all moved on.

 

My advice, you are still young, LEARN HOW TO DO THIS! It just get s harder the longer you put it off. Unlessd youve burned a bridge with your old friends, give them a call, comment on their myspace, write them a letter, send them a gift, ask them to meet you at starbucks. Do something to rekindle the friendships and they WILL appreciate it. Who knows, they might be really lonely at the moment just like you.

 

With friends, it's always okay to start again. It just gets more complicated the longer you wait though.

[Religioux]

I would, but...I doubt that two of them, at least wouldn't be willing to have anything to do with me. It's actually a fairly recent falling out. What happened was, I decided to try weed. It was just a one time thing, done with my brother in the privacy of his apartment, and I didn't even really enjoy it all that much. But I made the mistake of telling one of my old friends, who then told another one of my old friends, and now both of them won't speak to me, are ignoring my calls/texts, and just pretending like I don't even exist. It really hurts my feelings. How can they so casually throw away almost seven years of friendship over something so superficial? I had no idea they'd react that strongly...

[Anotherday]

I would, but...I doubt that two of them, at least wouldn't be willing to have anything to do with me. It's actually a fairly recent falling out. What happened was, I decided to try weed. It was just a one time thing, done with my brother in the privacy of his apartment, and I didn't even really enjoy it all that much. But I made the mistake of telling one of my old friends, who then told another one of my old friends, and now both of them won't speak to me, are ignoring my calls/texts, and just pretending like I don't even exist. It really hurts my feelings. How can they so casually throw away almost seven years of friendship over something so superficial? I had no idea they'd react that strongly...

 

Wow, that is amazing they would judge you so harshly. I would question if they were even real friends.

 

I'm in the same boat as you, I am afraid. I pretty much have one friend right now. There are a couple others I exchange emails with. The older one gets the harder it is to make friends, as everyone just gets caught up in their lives.

[shayshay07]

Hi, I can relate to what your'e saying. I have no close friends anymore. A few years ago I had three close girlfriends. One got a boyfriend and stopped speaking to me/returning my calls. I was very hurt because we had been best friends since we were 14. I was looking for an apartment a little while ago, and saw her name and number in an advertisement because she works for a realestate agency now. I started to call her but I thought it might look stalkerish, and she hasn't tried to contact me, so she obviusly didn't care. Same with another, who got a man and completely changed. We stopped talking. The 3rd one, we moved in together, and it ruined our friendship. We haven't spoken since.

Now I just have two aquaintance female friends. One is married, and moved kind of far so we barely see each other. The other would just call me to go to a party or a bar. But now that I'm pregnant and can't drink with her she never calls me anymore, and she made some nasty comments to me when I told her I was pregnant so I kind of lost respect for her anyway. I gte really lonely and sad sometimes about not having any feamle friends. I can say that this time alone has made me a more stronger and confident person, because I have a better sense of my own identity. I can do things like shopping, eating out, going to social gatherings, etc by myself now, without having to rely on other poeple to be my company. I actually prefer doing those things alone now. Also, I've learned to solve my own relationship problems by having better communication, instead of listening to often bad advice from friends who don't really know. And I appreciate my family and boyfriend more because I've seen how people that are supposed be close to you can come and go like its nothing, so i try to keep in contact and maintain good relationships the best I can with those I love and have in my life now.

Oh yeah ,and how they cut you off because of the weed thing is ridiculous. Its not that big of a deal. You experimented like most young people do. So what. Its not like you're a serial killer or something. That was really petty. Like anotherday said, I doubt they were real friends to begin with. It sounds like they were looking for any excuse to stop speaking to you. I doubt that's the real reason. If it is, that is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard to drop a friend. Are they nuns and live a perfect, holy life? What gives them reason to look down on you? Well any way your better off without them, sorry to say.