Help Re Experimenting With NC (at least for a few days)

[Brokenhearted87]

 

 

That's my original post for anyone who's interested in the background. So I'm planning on experimenting with NC at least for a couple of days from tomorrow. See if he contacts me for a chat or whatever off his own bat. Right now I'm pretty sure my displays of desperation and generally being pathetic have made him go "PHEW...glad I'm outta there...psycho!" and written me off forever (which I'm kicking myself over because we initially ended with such hope, basically it just being a break more so than a break up for him to collect himself). So we had arranged (on the day we broke up) to meet this coming Friday for lunch or a drink or something to celebrate his birthday on Sunday and so I could give him my gift. So I don't know what to do about that. I also don't know whether to send him a text before I go to bed tonight. We were talking earlier but he just stopped mid convo. Do I announce the NC? How do you announce it in a non offensive, I actually love and cherish you and want you in my life again, kind of way?! I'm sleep deprived so making no sense probably!

[tazthecat]

NC isn't like the latest Macy's sale..Advertising it to the world doesn't give it value.

It's a personal, life making decision. You don't need to announce it to anyone but yourself(or us, here, if you'd like).

It's not a weapon to be used to make him lose sleep or cringe at the thought of not talking to you.

It's a tool to liberate you from something that binds you to pain, hurt, and unworthiness.

You need to fully believe in the concept of NC for it to be implemented as something to help you..

Believe me..Believe US. NC is hard, but in the long run, the best tool for restructuring your life and becoming happy once more..

[Brokenhearted87]

Noooo I don't want him in anyway to feel bad! It would be nice to know if he thinks of me a lot or missed me....but I'm not inside his brain so I can't know that. I just need something to stop this awful cycle of texting, then checking phone....alllllll day and worrying. And, I shall be honest, I do hope, even in the long run, it will be a positive step towards bringing us back together. Call me delusional. But if something ain't broke....

[tazthecat]

I know what you mean by this, but you have to change the direction of your thinking..all your replies are based on how HE feels, what HE'S thinking, if HE'S missing you..

Take back the power and use it for yourself. If you live day to day only caring about his view on you, life, and your happiness, then NC isn't going to work.

 

A this point, you're your own worse enemy. He doesn't need to do a thing to make you feel bad, sad or confused, your doing it for him..

[Brokenhearted87]

I know. I KNOW! He hasn't done anything to make me feel bad (er....aside from the dumping...haha!)....it's all me obsessing and analysing EVERYTHING (is he thinking of me, when will he get back with me, why isn't he texting me back? etc. etc.) . I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown! It's not healthy. I'm kind of shocked and disappointed with myself and behaviour....as I've never reacted to a break up like this before. No contact is for me to sort my head out and reeeeeeeelax. It's not going to change my feelings for him. But it's necessary that I try it before I completely lose the run of myself (scarily close). Thanks Taz

[tazthecat]

Well I'm glad that you can see what your doing wrong..Denial, in all it's essense, can be a devastating thing..

There's nothing wrong in the way your thinking, it's very normal and common..But as long as your seeing the way your thinking is not very realistic, is a good sign..now go out and do something fun for yourself.