2 days of NC and she's already contacted me

[kevinm]

So it's been two whole days and what do I get this morning? But an email from my love interest wanting me to check on a truck she wants to buy. I happen to be an ASE master tech, though I don't wrench anymore...that's another story in itself.

 

When I initiated NC 2 days ago I told her I wouldn't talk to her until I receive this letter... "the letter", that she has been saying she is going to send to me for 3 weeks now. Today she basically says "The letter is almost done and in the mail, could you please help me with this?" I'm paraphrasing a little but, but you get the point.

 

Problem is, do I not talk to her about this? Do I send a very short, all business type response? Granted we're not talking about our relationship, but we are still talking? Arrrgh, I want to reach out to her and help her, but not sure if it's the right thing to do.

 

-Kevin

[civilservant]

Dont contact her. You intiated the NC and she needs to know that you mean it. Sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind and you need to stand form until she complies with your request to have this letter. I know that you want to help, to be the person she turns to for help, but you are sending out the wrong signals if you contact her.

 

Just my opinion.

[juicey]

Without knowing your background with her, I think it is a bit manipulative to expect her to send you this letter and you won't talk to her until she does. Granted, it sounds like she says she would send it to you, but everyone has the natural options in life if they want to write to someone or not or write someone and not send it or even just contemplate writing someone. That doesn't give the intended recipient the right to see it though. She could be using sending that letter as a manipulation form herself, however I don't think you should do it.

 

If you want to stick with NC, just ignore her. However if you are just going NC to get this letter, I think you are going about this the wrong way.

[kevinm]

Thanks for the replies. Food for thought indeed. On one hand I don't think it's a big deal to help her... keeping in mind that it would only be advice on what to do as we live on opposite sides of the country and I cannot physically inspect the truck. On the other hand, I don't want to break my word about the NC, and I don't necessarily be available when she needs me, on her time, when it's convenient and useful for her.

 

I can't say whether I'm using NC as a tool to get this letter. Part of me is, I mean I did tell her that I didn't want any contact until I received the letter. Is this forcing her hand? And if so, is that such a bad thing? I have afterall, been waiting patiently for 3 weeks while she is deciding what to write. And while I want to give her time and space to make the right decision for herself, I also want an answer and I feel 3 weeks is an adequate amount of time. During the last 3 weeks I've been pouring my heart out and gotten responses saying basically "Oh thanks for sharing. I went to the grocery store today and blah blah blah blah."

 

In my logical mind I feel she is not making "us" a priority, and hence not focusing on writing this letter. She has also during these past 3 weeks focused on other aspects of her life that don't include me. While that's all fine and good as she is a very independent woman, I am hurt by her seemingly moving on without me, not including me in plans, etc.

 

I guess it boils down to her intentions on why she contacted me about this truck. Does she really NEED my help? Or is there some other reason? If I don't reply will she take offense and feel like I'm being cruel and callous? And if I do reply, then what? Hence my state of confusion.

 

-Kevin

[jane2000]

I say dont contact her either. You should stand your ground.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It really sounds to me like she wants her needs met while not being overly concerned about your needs being met...that is selfish. Do not respond to her. I have seen enough people like that in my life...the kind who wants you to do for them but the minute you ask something from them they can't be bothered. If she is leaving you dangling as far as her intentions with the relationship, you don't owe her anything. Don't be used.