i made a mistake and kissed a friend - what do i do now?

[emma7614]

i made a mistake of kissing a friend couple of nights ago. i thought we were just having fun but i realized today that he really likes me. i really like him as a friend and i don't want to lose this friendship. how do i tell him im not interested without hurting his feelings?

[The Morrigan]

You can't completely avoid hurting his feelings if he likes you as more than a friend, no matter HOW nice you are, he's going to be disappointed. The best you can do is not hedge around it, tell him nicely that you got caught up in the moment and while you sincerely like him as a friend, you're sorry if it led him to believe you had other feelings for him other than friendship. He might be a little hurt and distant for a while - but he will appreciate your honesty in not leading him on eventually, and as a friend, that's the best you can do in a situation like this.

[sphinx999]

Be completely honest with him and don't mess him aroud because that will hurt more. Explain that you only see him as a friend and your happy that way.

good luck

sphinx xx

[The Morrigan]

doornik - when you make a bad judgement, in this case, not realizing before something happens someone else is serious when you're not, the best thing to do is to admit it with an honest apology before it gets worse, you know?

 

Nobody's saying this guy is going to be thrilled to find out, but in his position, wouldn't you rather be told than have to wonder what's going on, end up in the position some of the members here have trying to read conflicting signals, and feel like you'd been intentionally played?

[Ash]

I would think that if you are truly friends, he will see it for what it was. You were having fun, playing around as you say. It was a completely honest gesture at the time, you weren't intending it to be something special. Like Morrigan says, just explain it to him as gently as you can.

 

I don't know where you're from, but in many cultures kissing does not carry the same set of meanings as it does in North America. There are a huge variety of types of kisses, I don't know for sure, but I'd suspect you gave him the friendly peck on the check type, rather than a full on passionate one.

 

If you are the kind of person that is somewhat physical with your friends, as in touching them, leaning on their shoulders, giving them playful shoves, that kind of thing, then it will be easier on him if you explain that you're just like that.

 

If the same thing happened to me, I'd be okay with an explanation, so don't automatically assume it will become an issue. Treat the whole thing delicately and be aware of his feelings, whatever they might be, and I hope you'll find it's not a really big issue.

[emma7614]

Unfortunately, I didn't just give him a peck on the cheeks. It was a more involved kiss (making out , as some would call it). It was a drunken moment and it happened. I'm not going to kid myself and say that I didnt' know it was a mistake when I did it. But I was having fun and was being completely selfish. I know what I did was wrong, but I'm afraid it's too late.

 

He called me and asked me if I'm freaking out about what happened, and although I said no, and told him that i know it didn't mean anything, i know that he knows I'm extremely uncomfortable with the situation. He want's to date me despite knowing that I just want to be friends.

 

I'm in a bind and I guess will just have to learn from my mistake.

 

Thanks, everybody, for your advice.

[viper]

the onlt thing you can do is being clear but not very straight to the point in your words. tell him that you are affactionate to him but only on a friendship bases. we ( guys ) frequently misunderstand others because we are a bit possesive on the opposite sex. this is a defect that most of us have ( or at least i do ! ). its impossible not to hurt him at all but if you carefully use your wording you should be able to limit the damage.

 

hope your friendship will be as strong as before

 

good luck