Too young to marry?

[SnoopyLove]

The main reason people come on these forums and ask for advice is because they are just looking for answers that they already know but don't want to admit.

 

So here's the deal with me.

 

Am I too young to marry?

 

I'm 19, and have been in a relationship for over 2 years now. We have had our fights tears and tantrums, but along with them came happiness joy and glea, and in all we are completely in love with each other. Hopeless, can't ever loose you, don't ever wanna loose you, in love with each other. I KNOW with all my heart and more that this is the guy I want to be with for the rest of my life, after life and after my after life - so there is no doubting my feelings for him.

What I am doubting, however, is whether I should be marrying him. We are in no hurry to get married (we dont have the money) but could I be making a mistake? I know that I am young, but I am not naive and this is why I am asking for advice. On the one hand I think "Do I really need a certificate to prove my love?" But on the other I think "I want to tell the world how I feel!"

But at the same time, I could be making a HUGE hell of a mistake because in 5 years, I could look back and think "I WAS young, and I WAS naive" and I could fall out of love with him as I grow up and then I will have wasted a marriage.

Because yes I am young, and maybe I am too young to think independently about this, and the statistics don't really work in my favour.

But at the same time, once you know, you know.

 

So what do I do?!?! Help PLEASE!

[Over Analyzer]

You opened your post with the fact people come looking for the advice they already know and don't want to admit. I think you know your answer. No one should tell another what is right or wrong for them, the only thing you can do is learn from others mistakes and triumphs, and to do this listen to their stories. I suggest looking through the forum posts that have to do with getting married to young, add that topic into the search on this forum and read the stories others have to offer, see what you can identify with.

[JadedStar]

I will say this - you seem to be an EXTREMELY wise 19 year old. I have read posts frmo women older than you who just don't think about things in such a pragmatic fashion and jump headfirst into marriage ignoring huge warning signs all the while...

 

I think you are right, you have your answers in your head. Follow your gut instincts...

[SnoopyLove]

You're both so totally right, and yeah, I thought most people would say that.

Having read some info on people marrying young, I'm going to wait a good 5 years, because if we're meant to get married and live the whole happily ever after thing, another 5 years of cohabiting shouldn't affect that!

 

Thanks guys.

[jengh]

I was just going to say what you did--if it's meant to be, waiting won't hurt anything at all..

 

Random little story of mine: I met a guy when I was fifteen. We dated for four years. Got engaged after I graduated highschool. I thought with NO DOUBT he was the guy I would marry. But then, in that year's timespan of being engaged...something happened. I'm still not really sure what that something was. I changed. Grew up a little bit. My view of everything was no longer idealised. My naivety started to disappear to an extent. I moved a few hours away for college and realized how much there is out in this big world. We broke up right after our four-year anniversary. It was mutual, though a little more my doing. Was I heartbroken? Of course. But, we realized we were better off as friends and are still friends 2 years later.

 

So, the point of my silly little story is just take your time. You're at a very impressionable age and WILL change. Both of you. I'm NOT saying you won't marry him. Not saying that at all. I hope it DOES work for you. But, I would wait until you've both settled down, have good careers going and can support yourselves.

 

That's not to say marrying him now WOULDN'T work. Plenty of people marry young and it works out just fine for them. But, waiting a few more years wouldn't hurt

 

Plus, don't you want to be able to do a champagne toast at your wedding and use actual champagne? My mother told me that when I told her of my engagement... for some reason, it just stuck.

[SnoopyLove]

Oooh, I live in England where the drinking age is 18 so the champagne wouldn't be a problem for me!

But thank you for the advise, and I'd like to think that even if we did split up, we could be like yourself and your ex - not that I'd ever want to separate from him of course!

[Roasted Carrots]

I think that since you stated you don't have the money anyway, why is this decision so pressing? If you get through the life stage of college and you're still in love, I say go for it!

 

You are wise for a 19 year old. I'm 19 and in love as well and while I want nothing more than to wake up next to my man every morning, I know that I'm not ready for marriage.

 

Good luck!

[CarnelianButterfly]

I think the fact that you are questioning it is a sign that you are not ready. I think you should consider a long engagement. You stated that you didn't have money and a long engagement would give you time to both save and determine if it is the right thing for you to do.

[lana111]

in a word... yes.

 

and believe me & for the record, i dont think that being 19 makes you immature or incapable of having a good marriage. with that said...

 

#1 people change, and people change more when they are young as they are still developing themselves. you in 5 years is going to be very different whereas 35 year and 40 year old you will, likely, have little change.

 

#2 you are 19 with a full life ahead of you. if you are in love and want to get married, i would recommend a lengthly engagement. this way you can have that step of committment, but not actually take the plunge. if you think you met the one you are going to be with forever, you guys will have decades of time together. no need to rush marriage or living together. enjoy the situation as it is now.

[lizzy0304]

If I were you...I would wait...I married when I was 22 and I really wish now that I had waited...There are so many things I wanted to do with my life before I settled down and had kids...Would I have still married my husband...honestly...I don't know...but wait dear one...wait...you are so young and have so much time.