She really really wants to be friends.

[gnarlyhoc]

My ex broke up with me about 7 months ago. I made a post about this in the other section of the forum. I figured i would throw it up here too. The other night i was hanging out with some friends, they were mutual friends. She wanted to hang out with us, and i couldn't really say no. It was the first time i talked to her in 3 or 4 months. We went out to a bar, and most of the time she made eye contact with me. Also she was the one to come up to me and ask stupid questions. She never asked like, "How have you been"..ect

 

Later on everyone came back to my place (including her). We just sat around talking. She had to sit basically right next to me. I didn't really pay any attension to her, i mostly talked with my friends.

 

One day later she sends me a text that says "Why can't we talk to each other"

I tryed to explain to her, that this is what she wanted. She kept going on about how we were great friends in the beginning. I just kept telling her "I don't want to be just friends". She was begging that i would just be civil with her. I didn't see how i wasn't civil. I never made a scene or screamed at her. I just wanted to ignore her. I went through a lot of pain over this her, and she couldn't really understand.

 

Towards the end of our texting she tells me that she is sorry, and she wanted to make it up to me. The odd thing is, she has a new boyfriend. I made it very clear i didn't want to be just friends. Since then we have not talked. Im not sure what is going on. It sounds to me like she was just fishing for information.

[emalkoc]

it is weird that she is hanging out with you...obviously her relationship is not going well...so obvious.

 

If I were you, I would keep a distance, and keep your position "not being friends" but nice to her, just stay LC and let her initate all the contact and communication like SuperDave did. She will get the point sooner or later if she still has feelings for you.

 

good luck.

 

eric

[LilBear]

LC is only good if you can really let go of all hopes for a reconciliation. Else you'll just be back to where you've started. And worse, she might take you along for a ride because obviously she is confused with your reason why you're being so cool towards her and also there might be something seriously wrong with her relationship. But I do feel that perhaps she might even be happy with the relationship, but she may not have reached the comfort level she had with you and won't for quite sometime, so she still wants you around just to comfort and be there for her. But that does not necessarily mean she will do the same for you. Think about that.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Some people want a 'do-over'... they may view the relationship as a mistake, but really want to hang onto the parts they want, which is the friendship. It is not hardship for them to do this if they have moved on to a new partner, so they don't see the downside of it for you.

 

They are basically being selfish, and/or appeasing their own guilt. Neither of those emotions get YOU anywhere, but she is seeing this from her own perspective. You need to do what is right for you, and it is perfectly OK to tell her that friendship just doesn't work for you, so time to move on.

[gnarlyhoc]

I think all of that advice is pretty good. Im just going to stick with NC for now. I really have no hopes of reconciliation. I just don't see it happening. I may be wrong, but I'm happy now not being with her. I don't want to make her feel better about what she did. It was a really rough few months. I didn't tell her a fraction of what i was going through. She had no idea, but i don't think i should stick around to relieve her guilt. I know for sure she wouldn't help me out at this point. I'm not there just to comfort her. I was there during the relationship because it would be returned. Also this isn't the first time she either wanted to talk or hang out. It has been going on for 3 weeks or so. This is just the biggest event in about 3 months from her. The last time i talked to her was Thanksgiving, and i poured my heart out for her. She just acted like a jerk towards it, so i just cut communication. I got on with my life, and i feel i am in a better position now to deal with it. It still brings back some feelings, but i really don't care what happens between us because i have had interest from other girls. I wouldn't mind exploring other options at this point.

 

Half of the things she says don't make sense. She was telling me we had such a great friendship before we dated. We only knew each other for a month or two. She also said she wants to get to a point where there is no "hate" between us. I never said there was any hate, just didn't want to talk to her.

 

When she broke up with me the first few months she wanted nothing to do with me. I would call and she would just blow me off. I would ask to hang out just so we could talk about it. She would say she had "things to do". I got me so angry i just stopped talking to her. Now all of a sudden, she wanted to act like we are the best of friends. She kicked me to the curb and i had no one to lean on. I was going through some tough times anyway and the break-up just magnified everything.

 

Towards the end of our texted she seemed like she was getting angry that i didn't want to be friends. She would start getting short with me. I just stopped replying after a while because i knew what i wanted. She almost went over the top with pushing the issue. She asked 3 or 4 times and was almost begging me. I just tryed to explain that she had no idea what i went through for the 4 months after the break-up.

[emalkoc]

Yes, she is selfish...She does not deserve being your friend..if you sense that she is just trying to ease her guilt, then cut her completely and move on...These kinda person are always very selfish and they want both and eat the cake.

 

The ignoring her will do it..the woman hates being ignored..Sooner or later, she will realize that you are not a friend anymore and she will decide her direction, which I dont think it is different than what it is now.

 

move on!

[Lionel Hutz]

Your doing well!! It kind of sounds like my situation. Now they realise you are kind of over it. My good good girl friend told me this; she would get very upset at her husband and almost wanted to divorce/separate. She realised even when they got on each others nerves that she loved him to death. What she told me really stuck with me and I want everyone to remember this, she said, "He bugs the hell out of me sometimes but I would not want him bugging another woman ever." That was something that made alot of sense to me. She may be realising she is selfish, and she wants you to only consider her and not any other girl. Well too bad right. Now you are in a good posostion, keep moving forward and let her deal with the emotions now. When you initiate NC or tell them you dont want to be friends its like you are breaking up after a break up. The person, which in this case is your ex, is probably realising she wasnt over it like she thought she was. Now you are not gonna let her have the cake and eat it to. Handle biz bro sounds like you are in a good spot emotionally, Mrs whoever is out there waiting and now you are totaly available. Live it up and Good Work!!