My x just mailed me after 9 mnths!!!!

[Shyguy24]

My x mailed me today saying why i had not kept in touch and how i was doin !!!

 

AFTER 9 MNTHS !!!

 

the reason i dint keep in touch , was cause it hurt a lot !!!

 

but i know she is a good person and well i still have love for her and care about her that i would always want to see her Happy no matter what

 

she is a part of me and will always be !!!

 

but i dont know if i love her or whether ...i want to get hurt again

 

she LEFT ME CAUSE SHE SAID I WAS TO NICE AND SHE WAS AFRAID OF GETTING HURT IF I LEFT ...SO SHE LEFT AND I GOT HURT !!!

 

 

I LOST A YR AT UNI AND LOST FAITH IN LOVE ...

 

 

HOW DO I HANDLE THIS NOW ????

 

PLS HELP GUYS CHEERS

 

[alwaysafraid]

A few things to think about was she seeing anyone else, has she recently been left. To be the devil's advocate here think about these things. After all this time is she trying to get in contact with you so that she can be friends with you or because she thinks you two can work out. Or is it because she is using you so she isnt alone. She knows that you are a nice guy and will likely take her back. If her motives are unselfish and this is something you want to pursue then do it. You will have to start over and learn to trust her again. I hope this helps a little and good luck

[sayer7]

Some women are just stupid-- always wanting the 'bad guys' and not content with the perfect 'good guys'.

 

Maybe now your ex is just figuring that out.

 

I think that's great that you still care about her and only want the best for her.

 

If you decide to reply to her, tell her that... and then don't email her again. Let her live knowing you still wish her well... but don't feed her hopes by telling her you still love her or want her back because I don't think you do... do you?

 

I would have some major hang-ups about getting back with someone who dumped me and made living my life torture just because i was "too nice" to them. It makes absolutely no sense, and unless they made some miraculous "I'm not shallow anymore" turn around I still wouldn't be interested in getting back with someone who could turn my niceness into a negative attribute!

 

It's your decision.... just know that if you respond back she might consider it an invitation that you want her back.

[Shyguy24]

Hey sayer

 

cheers for the reply !!

 

hmm do i love her i dont know?? love aint a swhich its a feeling right

 

and guys she isnt like here she lives 2500 miles away !!!

 

yeah i know ... why do i even give a shit or ever did ...cause i was in love

 

she is younger 22 and i am 24 ... so i dont know i am i guess more serious in life

 

i am doing a law degree and generally even when girls want to go out i dont make much of it ,, and yes i have been told on more than one occasion that i am cute !!

 

but no i am, a realist and only believe in being with the one .no more flirting !

 

hmm i do forgive her , believe me i dont wish anything bad or anything for her i hope she gets a lot of haapiness and find s someone better then me also !!

 

i just want whatever is best for her ! cause o care about her a lot , i want her with me but not at the expense of her being well i dotn know ,,,

 

MW BEING TO NICE I GUESS??

[Shyguy24]

Hey hi tony !!

 

thanks for the reply ...yeah i hear ya !!

 

why do i give a beep ...i know ...but then loves nuts right

 

when u are in love with some one i guess . its not logic !!

 

its a feeeling !! and she i s very moody and i know that deep oinside she really cares

 

and i am proved right cause she did mail after 9 mnths !!! when i aM LIKE OVER HER I THINK

 

BUT EVEN IF I DO HAVE A FRIENDHSIP HOW DO I HANDLE IT ...KEEP IN ,MIND ILLPROABLY SEE HER NOT VERY OFTEN !!

[Genesis]

I think you should just email her two weeks later, and tell her "hello how are you", nothing too much. You do not want to give her the feeling that she can pop in out of your life, without at least a wait on her part. It is odd that she all of a sudden wants to see how you are doing now?

 

I bet her other relationship has failed so she is coming to you for comfort.

I would sent her something short and nice wishing her well and that is all.

I think if she really cared about being your friend she may have contacted you sooner. Who knows!

 

I tend to like nice/shy guys, and I know a lot of other women do too!! You will find a better match some day! Good luck.

[buffalosoldier]

Hey Shyguy!! Benn quite busy,sorry i didnt reply sooner,

 

The other posts basically took the words right outta my mouth, i know you are probably quite happy and excited that your ex mailed you,its always nice to hear from someone that meant/means alot to you.-And i can understand why you are in two minds here,like if you two had finished on bad terms then it would probably have upset you and you might not want to talk to her,but you finished on fairly good terms from what i can gather...so i see where you are coming from.

 

But still...my advice would be to be casual about it.Was she casual in her email?was anything directed at your relationship? She could be testing the waters first to see how you will react in hearing from her..

 

Be nice,but not super nice if you know what i mean,theres no reason for you to be nasty and you probably could be friends just as long as one of you does not want more than that.

 

I think this is a turning point for the two of you,as its been nine months,she has either completely gotten over you in that time thereforeeee thinking it was safe to contact you,or she has realised that she cant live without you in her life.

 

I hope i helped.I wouldnt read to much into it yet,just be wary!!

 

Good luck hun

[sayer7]

My general rule of thumb in terms of a guy being too nice is if 'being nice' becomes an obsession. I had to change my phone numbers twice and eventually relocate to avoid an obsessed stalker-- I honestly don't think he meant any physical harm, but his twenty something calls left on my machine everyday "just to say hello!" and notes on my apartment door and flowers on my car windshield every morning "just to say I'm thinking of you" was toooo nice.

 

In those terms, you don't seem 'too nice' at all. You seem very stable and grounded and seem to be back on track with your life. In life there'll always be some set backs and you seem to have moved on. That's excellent coping strategy. Not good to wallow in the past. Some memories are nice to look back on and remember, but a lot of them you don't usually want to relive...right?

 

And of course I have to say it's always nice to meet a fellow student in the law and criminal justice field (I'm a master's degree student myself). It can be a noble field if you make it to be and I admire you for pursuing it. So extra cheers in return!