Ok so maybe I'm not over it

[Hunny1607307342]

I don't know, i'm so confused.

It's like, one minute i'm cool, calm and collected, and i feel/think nothing of seeing him online msn or something little like that. Nothing bothers me, everything is cool, everything is positive, we are friends, it's all rosey. I'm content.

 

But then i surprise myself with certain reactions i have to things happen which are associated with him. If were to unexpectedly see him suddenly i lose control and my hearts start race again and my palms sweat.

And then i'm like, Oh dear, i'm not over him after all.

 

What triggered me to start writing this was when i was purchasing my train ticket just now. The thought came into my head- 'hmm if i get the earlier train there's i tiny miscule chance he'll be in the area when i get to my destination'. And then i thought , NO you shouldn't be making your decisions based around him why are you doing this ?! Its a tiny tiny thought, but its not something that i can avoid thinking no matter how small it is, it feels like its ALWAYS going to be there. on a general level, i just feel like every little thing i do will always be connected somehow.

I asked myself why this is the case.

Then i figured that, well there's nothing else very exciting going on in life. So how can it be avoided? I really dont have anything that provides me with long term gratification. Everything is short term. The only thing that made me really and truly excited aabout life was him. No party, cinema, dinner, concert comes CLOSE.

So its going to happen- he's going to influence every little tiny thing because i have nothing better to do than seek these small adrenaline rushes in my life.

[barbielovesmac]

he is only going influence 'your everything' if you continue to let him.

 

you are still you without him, you were you before him and you are still you after him. you should never base your entire happiness on one person. you should base your entire happiness on yourself.

[Hunny1607307342]

you're right, i was me before him. thats true.

its not that i'm not happy, i am happy, and i have a genuinely good time with my friends and i laugh a lot.

But sometimes a long time by myself reminds me about the emptiness in my heart.

and its just frustrating that all i do is cover up my heart rather than make it stop aching.

i dont know how to explain it really.

whislt i do have a good time and am happy a lot, there is nothing that i ever look fowward to like i used to.

also my personality ive always been like this about men i get very attached i feel like i need to suceed i need to get what i want. i see it as a mission that i must accomplish eventually, even if it takes months. or years.

[barbielovesmac]

how fresh are you out of this breakup?

[Hunny1607307342]

4 months..

[barbielovesmac]

oh sweetie, im sorry.

 

but the sooner that you realize that it's over and that things will never go back to the way it was . . . the sooner you will truly heal & truly move on.

[Hunny1607307342]

i know some days i do have full acceptance that it is over.

but then sometimes i just lose the whole belief and im back where i was.

its because hes not seeing anybody, he loved me when he broke up, and i know things would work out if he gave me another chance. i just know it. with that knowledge, it makes it harder to let go FOREVERRR

the thought of finality forever etc. its really scary.

[barbielovesmac]

i live off never say never.

 

i haven't read any of your past threads so may i ask why you two broke up ... briefly?

[lilypadgirl]

Hunny, I completely understand.

 

But I think this is normal. It's been 7 months and sometimes I'm still like that, although rarely now. So it does pass. It's harder when there's not much else in your life that gets you excited. I think that's part of the reason I held on for so long. Eventually after some time you'll realize, hey look...it's been this long and I've survived it alone and I've done all these things by myself without him.

 

So just take it slow and it's okay to think things like that. But don't act on it. Think oh if I take the train just a little earlier, but then don't do it! If you do that often enough, it's empowering and you will have reclaimed the situation for yourself.

[Hunny1607307342]

Well basically, we were together for about 2 years, and quite young, i was 16 when we just started dating (he is 2 years older) and it was my first relationship so i made some stupid mistakes. After about a year we just started getting into random petty fights 50% of the time, and i used to stress him out so much. This guy LOVED me so much like i mean he LOVEEd me, and because i knew that, i took advantage of it. I used to snap out when he'd annoy me with little things, i used to be very stubborn at times, i didn't listen to a lot of things he said, i used to raise my voice quickly. And it being my first relationship i did not know that relationships needed working on. We'd break up often due to stupid fights, and then just get back together the next day because we were crazy about each other. I made no effort. None. I was, in short, a spoilt brat. I really regret this. Eventually the break up was for good because he said i'm never going to change. I didn't really understand anything until a couple of months passed and i had enough time to recognise all the things i did wrongly.

But it was too late.

I know he won't be seeing anyone for a very very very long time because his feelings for me were very real, but nevertheless, i think i let him down far too many times for him to take a chance with me again.

By the way thank you very much for your advice on this.

[barbielovesmac]

your first relationship and your first love. it's hard to surpass, but in time you will.

 

i remember my first relationship. gosh, it was intense. i too, was younger then him by a few years. he had been in a serious relationship before me and well i hadn't. i was immature...and i didn't know what the heck i was doing. my relationship was the opposite though, he treated me bad.

 

as time went by ... i grew up and realized wow im OK without him. im still here, im still breathing. then it came down to you know what? im BETTER without him. in your case he did treat you right and he did really love you. so you may not think those things.

 

you're still so young. yes, these feelings are normal. but you have to realize that there is someone else out there to love you. and always, always remember that you do not need a mate to make you whole. i cannot stress that enough.

[l_lollipop]

You're obviously a focus young woman, determind etc... find something other than him to put your energy in to - something where you WILL see results and feel rewarded... I'm not sure what, but there is something. For me, I've found it to be another man, and I'm investing my time in building new friendship and working on old ones. I've taken up Karting, gym, booked Ibiza opening parties and EVERY weekend I'm fully booked until June!!!

 

Even if I wanted to, there is no room in my schedule to see my ex - I simply don't have the time, so there's no point worrying about him. You should do that too - keep busy, maybe date again too.

[starlette08]

wow you sound so much like me. sometimes i feel as if i drove my ex away. we both loved eachother very much and i know he loved me because he did sooo much for me and i also knew it was real. i felt like i was the anal girlfriend who never gave him the space he needed. being in a long distance relationship, i always wanted to talk to him. i got mad at him for little things, and always started the fights. i always wanted to know where he was. he's done some pretty mean things also, but we got over them quickly because we were crazy about eachother. i think breaking up was a good thing because we both needed time and space to improve ourselves before getting back into a relationship - if we ever do. i know i want to be with him, and all i can hope for is that he feels the same way too.

[Hunny1607307342]

I feel exactly the same way!! I really do think the break up was a good thing, and i never thought i would say such a thing, but it made me recognise so much.

I just think the fact that we may not get back together is bad thing because i don't want to throw it all away ..

we've come to far to leave it all behiiindd...

[starlette08]

I feel exactly the same way!! I really do think the break up was a good thing, and i never thought i would say such a thing, but it made me recognise so much.

I just think the fact that we may not get back together is bad thing because i don't want to throw it all away ..

we've come to far to leave it all behiiindd...

 

i know exactly how you feel. right now, im taking the time to work on myself, to make myself a better person. ill admit, i wasnt perfect and if it werent for him, i wouldnt have realized my flaws. i want to make myself a better person so that i can go back into the relationship stronger than ever.

 

hopefully it works out for the both of us