pls help me iam in gr8 trouble -in love with coworker

[rakumar]

Hi iam a new member of this site and probably one of the few Indian members, i found this site to b extremely useful in understanding ppl and human relationship –which is the major drawback in my life .i found that there are no boundaries of love weather u belong to any culture or country love speaks same language. See iam about 23 and till now single . I am in great trouble and very much depressed I need ur guidance & help if anyone can -by listening my boring and long story .I am in love with my coworker.

 

i was very satisfied with my life and never felt alone, i never wanted any in my life because i thought that GFs only bring problems for u nothing more than that and the same happen to me.

Instead I was looking for a long term or u can say life partner.

Up to my collage level i found a lot of girls in my way whom i like but i never fall in love with anyone bcoz i was looking for a girl of my type who can understand me ,who can think like me, with whom i can adjust and she can also with me -- means whose brain as well as heart synchronize with that of mine i.e. thoughts and emotions both ,On whom i can depend on who can withstand me in my bad times.

 

Buuuut ...........

U know u can never get everything in one. After a long

time after my collage suddenly a girl of this kind entered in my life She was no one else but my coworker in my office where I got a small job after passing my collage. When i met her I thought that she is just an other ordinary girl. She was my senior and i was new to this ompany with almost half of salary then her but still was satisfied what i was getting something , Luckily or unluckily- God knows -I got hance of working with her, we start working in shifts. She was very nice and always guided me and helped me in work, she supported me in in every situation, she was a actually nice coworker u can ever think of I like her approach of dealing with situations and learnt a lot from her. She was simple, sober and beautiful exacty the type of girl I was looking for. There was very good understanding between us and we were doing our work smoothly, everything was fine. We both belongs to same city and our office is about an hour drive away from our hometown. She offered me lift from office to my home, after some time we start car pooling I was actuality enjoying my work bcoz i was looking for this kind of work and work environment although I was getting very less , but still I was very much satisfied . She was very talkative although & i was not i was shy and and usually very much conservative while dealing with girls but in her company i also started talking to her, But don't know what was special in her that every time i get involved in her and some time in our night shift when there was not much work to do we s pent hours in conversations, Some times useful and most of times useless we were spending hours in discussing endlessly about any matter weather belonging to our families, family members, our culture, social life, collage life, friends and their affairs means anything .Even before than I had not even talked this much with any of my shool or collage mates even boys. I found myself to be very much mixed up with her .We found a lot of similarities between us our thinking, our choices, food habits, our approach to life –almost everything even she was also not interested in love relations and such things and we often make fun of ppls of our

friend circle. I found she was also very much lucky for me since after meeting her I lost 17 kg of wait in just 1 month which I was trying from my school time. also I was saving much more amount of money then

before, my dad allowed me to take car for the first time out of city .I found her very lucky for me as if she is my soul mate I was looking for.

 

Although i controlled my feelings a lot but still i found that deep inside me my heart some special feelings for her feelings were developed unknowingly whom i cant give any name but they were as such as if due to a satisfaction that in my life ultimately i have founda real friend who can understand me and whom i can depend on, as if i have achieved everything that was missing in me. After meeting her I understood the

value of a good friend since for whole life I was nothaving anyone of this kind. I start liking her andthis goes on for few months.I never tried to involve in her personal life and even never asked her anything about this. Still I knew that there is someone else in her life with whom she was spending hours in talking on phone and on Chat but I never tried to know who that guy is. From his chat id I came to know that he was no one else but one of the our collogue and one of her good friends, whenever she chat with that person she tried to hide that from me since I used to sit to the next seat to her and also I ignored that as if had not seen that, I knew that they both were interested in each other and probably in love. He was a handsome, nice, intelligent and charming personality and also from same caste from which she was .I always looked them as a perfect

couple. And thus never thought myself to b not more than merely a friend in her life, thought that i am not compatible with her in any way also I was nothaving a good job in my hands . My heart compromised on fact that at least I have a friend and always prayed God that although she is not made for me & I cant get this girl in my life but please I want this type of girl in my life as my life partner. I actually

just wanted a space in her heart as that of good friend .Iloved her most in my life and always wanted her to b happy. After some time in night shifts since we both were alone in office whenever she go to phone to talk

privately I felt myself to b bored and lonely for that period of time which sometime goes up to many hrs, but I never expressed this thing to her. And still we were enjoying rest of night in our conversation at least I was, after talking to her one night I forget all the tensions and troubles of

whole week. Before working in shifts I used to go to a prayer circle on weekends and attend prayers there, which was the only social life for me. But in shifts I was missing that but now those night shifts became

more important for me.

 

I want to check weather she loves me in any sense or not .I sms her few messages which were funny and loving and waited for her response and

she said that those messages were nice. After this I found a sudden change in her behavior she was totally changed. She started giving me reasons y she spend too much time in night on phone privately .Although I never asked or shown interest to know weather she is having someone else in her life or not I thought that she loved that boy But don't know y she started explaing me that she is not having anyone in her life and no one was when she was in collage time,don't know why she explained me that in collage time also a lot of boys proposed her but she refused them because she had never been serious in these things. May b I misunderstood and unknowingly taken her response as signal of love and decided to purpose her in night shift. But on that night also she got a call and she spent almost whole night in talking on phone privately and I felt very much lonely that night and after this my mood was very much off thus Iin morning when we were going home in car she told me she was talking to her cousin on phone ,and then again another night same thing happened then again in morning she explained that this it was her collage friend who was out of station from a long time .

Means I was not able to understand that why she was behaving like this why she was lying me evertime since was not asking who was there weahther she love me in any sense or not. Weather she had taken me even as friend or not, after that I found her on chat taking to same person from home this time I was in office I found that she is really in love with that boy I said myself its ok but why she is lying me??????

This was major question to know answerer I message on her cell that "pls tell me are we friends or not if we are then reply me back otherwise dont" I was very much disharted and emotional at that time and not in position of talking to her directly ----She didn't replyed .

And after this all my dreams shattered like cards m y heart was broken to knoew that the girl I loved most in my life had never considered me even as merly a friend. After this in front of everybody in office she said that she is tired of night shifts and do not feel comfortable in doing them as if she was blaming on me for this I dont know y although i respected her in best possible y but dont know y she is hurting me like this. Don't know y she is behaving like this even now I am also not at all interested in her and hate her actually . But the biggest problem for me is that how should I talk to her in office . Iam trying to hange my job but still If any one can help how to spend this men time . his office seems me a hell Iam very much depressed and ishearted don't know how to deal with this situation and sometime iam not ble to control my emotions in office don't know what to do next I am not in position to change or leave this job instantly Iam loosing my studies y career my prayer circle myself day by day Pleasde help me in dealing this situation. Iam in grief as if i had lost everything iam not able o consentrate in studies also please help as eary as possible .IF ANY ONE CAN HELP ME DEALING WITH THIS SITUSTIN OG DEPRESS ANS STRESS PLS REPY ME IAM WAITNG FOR UR REPLY I WILL B THANKFUL.

[Osiris]

Greetings rakumar,

 

Well maybe she was expecting that you will propose her or at least admit that you are in love. Could it be than she became obset and decided that perhaps you are not serious?

 

Is there is any way you can talk with her and explain how you feel?

At least you will let out your emotions! Yes she might belong to a different caste yet nothing will stand on a way of the true love.

And if she will reject you at least you will know that you tried!

 

I am sure your family, friends will support you while you are in a stage of the emotional turmoil. And meditation helps as well.

 

Life is ahead of you, so enjoy it and don`t forget about studies!

Try to remember why you are decided to study! And keep this goal in your mind.

 

All the best,

 

Osiris.

[upstatemedic]

I'm curious: Is there a big cultural difference between you two, or is she also Indian? If she is not, that might be a barrier for her. While she may understand what you're saying to her, she may not understand what you mean.

 

Just a thought...

 

UpstateMedic

[fairykiss]

sometimes when the person don't feel the way you feel about them....but they don't want you to get pity of yourself....they try to hurt you and ignore...i think that's what she's trying to do....well truth hurts but love is magic...it not often that two hearts feel the same.. unfortuantely i think she don't feel the way you do....i experienced this actually...and we ar eon the same side...all we need to do is to understand and try to see the good side of teh situation....good luck to you....you can make it through...

[FinchRUs666]

love.... such a strong yet meaning ful word... one does not know when they are in true love until it actually hits them, until its to late and that special person is gone... i suggest you really do try talking to her in person... make things work out for the better... look at it in a different perspective... dont just ignore her now... things in the future may change, but most of all dont lie to yourself... if u really did hate her you would not have turned to us for help with her... i know how you feel my friend... these situations can be hard, always keep your head up and look for the positives... see how things go out... if she dosnt love you then shes not the one... but you ahve to find out if she does or not... this all can be very hard... but never neglect the fact that you never actually found the truth, and always ask why.... take my advice and just try talking to her in person.... no dont change jobs that will make it worse.... if u need anymore help im here....

[Cid]

Yes talk to her in person. That will be the key.

[rakumar]

hi,

No there is notghing like major culture difference between us ,the only thing is we belong to a service class family and they are bussiness class we both are hindus but we are from those who migrated from pakistan after partion and they are localites,

even she once told me that her parents will allow her for intercaste mirrage if she find a ideal mate for her from other caste,

there is no question of difference in understanding we both speek same language and our culture is almost same.But may b iam not able to convey my feelings to her in apporiate way.

 

thanx

 

I'm curious: Is there a big cultural difference between you two, or is she also Indian? If she is not, that might be a barrier for her. While she may understand what you're saying to her, she may not understand what you mean.

 

Just a thought...

 

UpstateMedic

[rakumar]

hi Osiris

Thanx for ur advice on this site ifound that atleast there is some one with whom i can share my feelings,iam verymuch thankful to u for ur advice

may b iam not able to convey myself my feelings of love and affection But MAN Question is not that she love me or not but is y she is behaving like this y she is changing colors, y she said that iam not comfortable in doing night shift this things actully hurt me because in my work during shift i always cooperate with her and respect her for her support i dont thing that i had done anything due to which sheshould feel uncomfortable .Actually this thing hurt mt selfrespect we she said in front of everyone that iam not comfortable in working in night shift.as if she was saying that she dont want to work with me .this is the question #-o which is irrating me the most so please tell me should i directly ask her regarding this or how should i behave with her in office.please help me iam waiting for ur reply.

 

Greetings rakumar,

 

Well maybe she was expecting that you will propose her or at least admit that you are in love. Could it be than she became obset and decided that perhaps you are not serious?

 

Is there is any way you can talk with her and explain how you feel?

At least you will let out your emotions! Yes she might belong to a different caste yet nothing will stand on a way of the true love.

And if she will reject you at least you will know that you tried!

 

I am sure your family, friends will support you while you are in a stage of the emotional turmoil. And meditation helps as well.

 

Life is ahead of you, so enjoy it and don`t forget about studies!

Try to remember why you are decided to study! And keep this goal in your mind.

 

All the best,

 

Osiris.

[marcos]

Hello rakumar.

 

All i can say is talk to her in person. Wait for an opertunity to talk to her then say "can i talk to u personly for a minute" then sit her down and ask why she wants to change shifts and so on.