How to play the same game to piss him off....

[TroubledTwenties]

Ok here's the deal....

 

My ex boyfriend and I have had an on again off again relationship, and every time we're off..he immediately starts dating another girl. After a couple months of dating the new girl, he always calls back with the same reason....I really love you and I want to make things work, I can't be without you and I've been really stupid. This has happened twice. And all the while, we start seeing each other, and he still has a gf...he says he just can't break up with them right away because they've never done anything and he doesn't want to hurt them. So he "juggles" two girls. Which I don't appreciae...well finally.....

back to the present.....after breaking up in September, he had a girlfriend, and then in October he called me and we were seeing each other again. He tells me he's going to break up with his current gf on a certain date, because then he can tell her that it's because long distance relationships never work...she's supposed to go off to school in a month. He refuses to break up with her before then, even though he's been being really rude and distant from her (hoping she'll break up with him, I guess maybe) and is even taking her out of state to see his family for Thanksgiving, which pisses me off because he and I were dating for two years and I never met his entire family.

 

I guess I'm stupid and easily manipulated, because I've been asked out multiple times by a couple of guys but always said no to them, because I know it would hurt/upset my ex/not ex bf. I don't want to see him hurt.

I got to thinking last night that I know how I feel about him and I would never do half of the stuff to him that he's done for me. He told me that basically he does what he wants, when he wants, with whoever he wants, taht he's selfish, and that he feels bad about hurting the girls he goes out with, but that it's not going to change. I used to think that he was taking his gf out of state with him because it was already planned and stuff, but turns out that he's taking her because he WANTS to, and for no other reason, I mean if he didn't want to he wouldn't be taking her. He tells me that I'm making too big a deal outta it, and if I just accepted it it would be easier to deal with and when he came back things would be better again because they'd be broken up.

 

So what I'm thinking now is that I should just take on his attitude and be the same way as him. Just say to hell with what he thinks, because he not sincere with what he means anyways....so anyways how do I go about being this way. I'm not a bitch, in fact I'm pretty much a coward, so any advice or help, or even input would be greatly appreciated.....

[akatoro]

I would lead him on thinking we'd get back together and when we'd meet, I'd just walk past him.

 

He sounds like a player, and I don't people with those attitudes. If he loves you and you ignore him, he'd probably be taught a lesson and also see what he's putting the girls he has dated through.

[vfunkera]

hey TroubledTwenties,

 

ok where do i start.

 

He tells me he's going to break up with his current gf on a certain date, because then he can tell her...

 

is that the kind of guy he is? how do u know he won't or hasn't done that to u? is that a kind of guy u want to get into a relationship with? one that i would believe would have no honesty, trust and true communication?

 

He told me that basically he does what he wants, when he wants, with whoever he wants, taht he's selfish, and that he feels bad about hurting the girls he goes out with, but that it's not going to change

 

I would never do half of the stuff to him that he's done for me

 

u want a guy like that, especially when u consider the type of girl u apparently are? girl i would tell that there are a million other, better guys out there that u would be much happier with. that u wouldnt even consider playing games with to piss you off. this guy is either a player whos only interested in sex, or hes a complete jerk whos just using u as cushion, and u deserve better.

 

in fact, do u deserve better?

How to play the same game to piss him off....

is that a relationship to u? or maybe ur just not serious about a relationship at the moment.

 

if u aren't, then i would say yea, play his games, i doubt he'll leave u for it, and if he does, then he'll be back because he already done it what, twice, three, four, five times, and u wont have given him the sense that uv been 'conquered'. u play like ur not that easy, and he'll play even harder to get u 8) , and i guess that will last for a while.

 

i heard a lyric today that i consider relevant in all relationships, whether u are together, broken up or whatever. "And if you fall, stand tall and they'll comeback for more". thats given me alot of hope and inspiration in my current situation, and it should for everyone, especially u TroubledTwenties.

 

good luck in whatever u decide to do and how to 'play'.

[The Morrigan]

I think I'd have to let him continue with his "plans," and then drop the revelation on him he ain't getting you back.

 

Any guy who says he does what he wants, when he wants, etc... is selfish to the point that the only person he loves significantly is... HIMSELF. Hey, as long as he can "get away with" breaking it off, going out with someone else, getting you back, and going through the same cycle when he desires something different, he's not going to have ANY reason to change. Sure, a little bit of selfishness is healthy, but seems he's taken that a bit TOO much to heart - he's not showing any consideration for anyone but himself.

 

Do you really want to do the same type of things he does just to try to get back at him? I know it's tempting... but the fact is, he won't see it as a lesson, he'll just see it as more of a reason not to respect you, or any other girl. And he's not showing any now expecting you to wait while he does as he wishes and be waiting for him when he's done playing.

 

You deserve better - go find yourself one of those guys who's asked you out, go out and have fun on a few dates til you find someone else you click with; there's plenty of guys who know how to treat a girl with consideration and respect, and in the long run, the only thing that's going to teach this jerk (sorry) anything is when "his" girls tell him he's not worth their time and effort, they've found guys who are.

 

(Edit - btw Akatoro - nice sig from Eva, I've used that text before too!

[Ash]

If you're over this guy, is it really worth it spending extra time on planning and executing some plan to get even? And you won't be getting even anyway, I think you'll feel badly about it afterwards. Revenge or retribution or whatever you want to call it is just not worth it.

 

Be the bigger person and deal with it as best you can. Others who know you will appreciate you more for the person you are now rather than the one you'll be seen as after you do something to him that he's doing to you. Instead, stand aside, and let something else happen to him, like for example him loosing both of you. You'd likely get a lot more satisfaction out of that, and you would still be seen as the nice one, the one who was badly treated.