What do women want?

[Ddog2296]

First of all let me say women confuse the heck out of me. I've never understood them and I probably never will. But when it comes down to a woman liking a man what are they looking for?

 

I just got out of a 5yr relationship with a girl, who I thought was my soulmate. I offered her everything I have. After talking with other girls they tell me someday you will find someone else who respects you for all you have to offer and who will love you more than she ever did, and they will come along when you least expect it. This is all fine and dandy for the future, but in the present I don't see what I didn't offer especially after my ex started seeing a person who offers so much less.

 

I offered my ex my wholehearted self, i committed myself to her, loved her unconditionally, trusted her entirely, did anything for her, gave her anything, and pleased her in every way i could. Now she is seeing a person who has a history of treating girls badly and who has a very bad problem being faithful to someone. Yet she says she is happy and moves on and smiles about it.

 

Too often does it seemf that women go for those men who have a "history" and who end up treating them bad. And leave guys who have the potential to offer them security, care, and trust. It just doesn't make sense that guys that have a lot to offer are often the first to be shunned and the first that girls come to after they have been hurt. Why is this? Am I the only one that thinks this? Doesn't this seem wrong? Should I play the selfish bastard who uses women and doesn't care about their feelings? It works for others, right?

[dfcannon]

Should I play the selfish bastard who uses women and doesn't care about their feelings? It works for others, right?

 

That's the other extreme, and it'll land you in the same place...single. You're asking one of the age-old questions that we guys ask, but I think there is a middle ground. It starts from having a sense of yourself and who you are, and a willingness to be selfish in a good way, meaning you do not selflessly give yourself to another human being. You have your own wants and needs, and if you respect those wants and needs, a woman will respect you for it. No doubt, there were some warning signs before she broke up with you. You should have called her on them, and if she didn't respond, broken up with her first.

 

There's a web site that addresses this very issue of how to manage women, and its URL is link removed. I'll add the caveat that this Doc Love man who sells his 'System" for handling women has a bit of a mean streak imo, and I think he advocates something that won't work for intelligent, well-grounded women. However, his general points on not "chasing," and instead letting women "come to you," are dead-on.

[rn9470]

I agree with this. Doc Love has some good points. I have learned that woman don't want what they can easily have. Unfortunatley it is a game that must be played even after marriage. Being divorced myself and loosing her to a less desireable person I think that woman love the chase. Keep them guessing and intrigued with you and they will go ga ga. Don't stop being nice to them but don't be to giving either and it wil keep their interest level up. This is what you want to do. This is why separate time apart is needed. You want them to wonder what you are doing and who you are with. Make them feel like others want you too and women will want you more. Competativeness. I never had so many hit on me in my life than when I was married and had the ring on my finger. I know this sounds crazy but it is real. You may even be able to get her back if you make it obvious you are not bothered and even start dating other women. If you want a shot at getting her back let her know in some way that you too have moved on. Good luck.

[justagirl]

I ask myself that same question everyday, only mine refers to guys choosing girls who use them and are the not so good girls.

 

So I understand where you are coming from.

 

Here's how I see it, most girls go for guys they can mess around with, have fun, do stupid things with (they discover what they did was actually stupid when they grow up, don't realize while they are doing it now) and just be with right now.

 

They are "having fun" until they are ready to be serious with someone, or when they meet the one they want to be with.

 

They are with the "bad" ones because there is no real emotional attachment, its all physical, pure fun. When they get bored, its easier to drop them from their life.

 

Possibly it could be that they don't want to "taint" the good guys before being out of their "I Just want to mess around stage."

 

Why do guys go for the not so good girls, the ones who sleep around and do not so smart things...its pretty much the same reason girls go for the not so good guys

 

Hope I helped a bit

 

Keep Smiling, your friends are right, you'll meet a totally amazing girl when you least expect it, maybe when you don't want it, but you'll feel things you've never felt before and it'll all be right

 

*~Justagirl~*

 

 

 

(I used a bunch of quotations in this post...gheesh..haha)

[sweetdreamy]

I was with this guy for 6 years,since I was 16, and I suddenly broke it off with him a few months ago. He treated me fairly well, but for me, I just wanted to see what else is out there, have some fun, and get out of the "routine" with him. He is a great guy, and I know I hurt him, but sometimes,us females can be sort of selfish. The next month after I broke it off with him, I got with this guy, not the model citizen, but he was fun. We were together for three months, and I got tired of him as well. I started to realize how careless and irresponsible he was. So, back to square one, I am looking again for someone "routine" again. I guess us females go through emotions, and act too quickly on them. Good luck.

[idunno]

rn9470 is totaly correct, women today play and play. its like the 1950s backwards. the women ho and men cry. get real. you have to play. you have to lie. let everything that comes out your mouth be part of the plan. and for the record real men hate slutty women. we want to do them and give them something they wont even tell their other trampy friends about but thats it. there are no nice girls nowhere period so dont be so freaking nice to any of them you are wasting your time.

[buffalosoldier]

Right im gonna take a stab at this.

 

Most women would rather have the 'bad boy' but their are genetic reasons for this,its not as simple as you guys make out.Women arent that stupid that they would deliberately get together with someone that they KNOW is going to hurt them.We're not thick.Its the fact that these bad boys ooze confidence.This is what alot of women want,they dont want to settle for the bloke that will just be forever nice.-It gets boring afetr a while,and whilst a lot of women will say that they would love security and to know that someone will always be there,its much more exciting and exhilirating to be able to chase somebody.Its all about variety.

 

Basically,

 

Routine= Boring

 

excitment=

 

Adventure=

 

Confidence=

 

We want to know that someone can protect us,maybe even perhaps dominate at times, but also provide for us emotionally and in other ways too. Sounds alot but the trick is to have a mixture of both.Its not that women always prefer bad boys,but you need to sell yourself as appealing and interesting, otherwise women will walk all over you!!

 

Dont be too nice coz you'll only hurt yourself in the end!!

 

Hope i helped

[justagirl]

there are nice girls out there, they just may be the ones that you aren't totally attracted to right at this point.

 

Frustrates me when guys think nice girls are nonexistant.

 

Being nice does get you hurt quite often...but why would you want to change who you are because a few stupid girls messed you over? What happens when you change to a not so nice guy and push away the one nice girl you find...now you're back to square one.

 

*Justagirl*

[Ddog2296]

Well thanks for all the feed back guys. Idunno while on a certain level i agree with you as to not wasting time on girls because right now I feel like that is what i should do. But i have a superpatriot friend, i guess you can call him that, that is at a point where girls don't want to be around him because he acts too hard like the only person that matters is himself.

 

And maybe a break is what a relationship needs but why if only a break to go explore yourself is what girls want, did my ex cheat on me the day before she broke it off? I dont know lately i've just been angry and afraid i might close up the emotions and feelings for a significant other.

 

Anyhow the whole play thing while your young is just stupid. Why get invovled in a committed relationship at all if you only want to eventually break it off to go "explore"? Explore the lesser options first and then go for the committment. Then later in life a lot of women want the security and committment but not while they are young, it just seems wrong.

 

To explore and discover is one thing but to explore and discover at the expense of others is selfish and very hard to accept as the "way it is".

[The Morrigan]

I think part of the problem as well is guys tend to be attracted to the girls who, in one way or another, also have a certain amount of attitude and flaunt it. The equivalent of the girls being attracted to the "bad" boys, the ones that have more awareness and allure are the ones the guys flock to, and are the ones who are doing more playing than serious considering.

 

I've only been in two relationships, both serious and long term, one in HS for over 4 years, and marriage of over 10. In the first case, he started out as a "nice guy" and turned into Mr Neglectful after he was sure of me, in the second, well, that's a story in itself.

 

I won't deny I like a bit of a challenge, but only in the way that I like someone who can hold their own as far as strength of personality and intelligence, not in playing games. Nobody truly wants the upper hand all the time, a good relationship should have plenty of give and take, both having to make compromises sometimes. That in itself keeps things interesting, it's not so much the "chase" as neither person being in a "position of power" all the time where one ends up either being catered to, or subjugating their own needs to satisfy the other. If a guy has something really important to him, I want to know it, and have that point brought home, even if it leads to a bit of an argument, to have the chance to see it from his side, and get a little more understanding of what makes him tick. And also find out a little more about myself, and what I'm willing to compromise on, and what's vitally important to me.

 

Basically someone I can have a dynamic relationship with, someone who will back and support me when I need it, but also have the guts and confidence to tell me when I'm the one in the wrong, and who I can do the same for.

[Derek]

Hmm age old question, what women want, I don't know either but I'd like to say:

 

girls don't want to "taint" the good guys before being out of their "I Just want to mess around stage."

 

To all the nice girls out there, for the record, you can "taint" me anytime.

 

- a "good guy" who wants to find a co-conspirator to make mischief with.

 

 

 

 

 

P.S. idunno, your post was so cynical about the world saying everyone was players and haters, but sadly, it probably is a very common opinion.

 

P.P.S. What do women want? Intimacy and security. They are thus loved completely despite being known completely, warts and all. Men want that too.

 

 

[thatguy04]

Just a random reader randomly saying his random thoughts. Cant a guy

"ooze" confidence and be a nice guy also ? I find myself to be one of those guys, but I still find these selfish, bad, evil peoples taking all the women. What else is it that a woman finds so attractive in these guys? I know its not just the "excitement" or the oozingness. Theres something else that was neglected to be said that i wish to know.

[buffalosoldier]

All i can say is that unfortunately,you cant help who you fall in love with,love is blind, and sometimes by the time you have realised that the person you are with has turned out to be a player, a cheater or whatever, its usually too late and too difficult to simply back off. Male or female,we have all at one point or another found it hard to let go of something that we know is bad for us.

 

In short, people change.Sometimes for better,sometimes for worse,but like i said its hard once you are already in too deep.If only love was logical eh

[Derek]

hmm

 

What else is it that a woman finds so attractive in these guys? I know its not just the "excitement" or the oozingness. Theres something else that was neglected to be said that i wish to know.

 

I hear ya man. I wonder if it is simply volume. =) The "jerk" puts himself out there 100 times, gets rejected for 60, lukewarm maybies for 30, and accepted for 10 out of 100 times.

 

The "nice guy" is not thinking about using women for himself, so he doesn't bother with putting himself out there for women he knows he would be merely using if he pursued them.

So a "nice guy" sees 100 women and tries for only the 10, instead of the 100?

 

I bet the "nice guy" would never consider hitting on and "stealing" another guy's girl, while the "jerk" would think nothing of it. So again the "nice guy" is always limiting himself by his morals and ethics. The girl says

"no thanks" to the "nice guy" and he politely walks away. The "jerk" keeps on coming, doesn't take no for an answer and harasses the women until he gets a direct no, or a slap in the face.

I bet women love that the "jerk" breaks the rules just for them,

thinking they are the One True special girl to tame him from his evil patterns. After a while they realize he breaks the rules on everyone,

even his current girlfriend which is her, and she walks away hurt

and bewildered.

 

*ponder*