Ddog2296

Well just got off the phone with a friend who has physics class with Summer and he told me that when she was starting to read this letter Austin came up and grabbed it and ripped it up and threw it away. Wth kinda crap is that lol!??! Oh well I'm reprinting it and going to try and have her read it in zero period before school tomorrow.

Hey thanks everyone for the replies. It's going to be really hard to let her do this to herself but you are all right that it will be harder on me if I don't let her go. God it sucks to feel so much for someone. I've never really quit at anything and this is weird because inorder to go forward I have to quit lol. I don't know I don't understand people sometimes

Alright first off my ex-gf of 5yrs cheated on me with my ex-bestfriend and now they are together and have been for over a month. So ok I've been dealing with that and haven't done anything stupid, and have just been trying to ignore both of them even though its almost impossible considering I have most of my classes with at least one of them. So things are bad enough and she doesn't talk to me and basically acts like I don't exist which is probably for the best. Well ok my situation doesn't really have to do with her leaving me and not wanting anything to do with me. Last thursday she got in one hellacious fight with her dad and ended up getting herself kicked out because she never wanted to be home and never wanted to help around the house, at least she hasn't since she left me. Now keep in mind I'm getting all this info from her dad because he came over to talk to me after it all happened and we still have a close relationship. Anyway she just turned 18, is living with Austin(the ex bestfriend) who is only 17 as well, doesn't have a job, had her car taken away from her and is starting to let her grades fall in school. Now I was fine to walk away before all this happened but it's like she is going into regression and becoming the wild person she was when i met her and its hard to watch someone do this to themselves especially when they do have a good life. I don't understand her anymore she has became foreign to me, but all I know is that I can't walk away and not do anything because I worked with this girl so hard to keep a 4.0 throughout high school until now and to see her giving all this up hurts more than her dumping me. In a last attempt to get her to see things differently I wrote her this letter, I only hope she will read it. Was it the right thing to do, what else can I do, should I just walk away and give up??? ___________________________________________________________ Dear Summer, First off if you are reading this letter I want to say thanks because I know in person I can't express the way I feel about something because my emotions always end up interfering and messing everything up. So by writing this letter I hope that you can learn where I stand on the events of this past month and what I've learned about life. Over the past month I've discovered that it is possible to continue life without the support of someone you have depended on for five years. I have also realized that some of the people who I ignored the most were the first ones there when I came crashing down. And now as I think back I regret not giving them the respect that they deserve, but what matters is that they gave me a second chance and are willing to accept me again as a friend. I'm not writing this to tell you that everything is fine with me, because in reality it's not and you know I have never been one to sugar coat anything and make it seem like it's better than it is. I'm also not here to persuade you to take me back. You have changed into a person that I can't relate to anymore and to tell you to do something that I think you would like is totally futile. With all that said I think I'm ready to tell you what has been on my mind. When you first said that, "I don't feel the same way anymore" I seriously thought my world was over. I had no idea what to do no idea where to turn everything was spinning so fast that I felt like I was in a sick dream and that if I just waited I would wake up. During this waiting time I cried, I didn't sleep, and I didn't eat. Truthfully I didn't feel like living anymore if you weren't there for me. I felt nauseated when I looked at food and when I did sleep I would dream of old times and wake up only to be crushed again day after day. Well when I realized things weren't going to get better with just me I turned to the only people that were on the outside and those people are everyone I've told about us. Now I don't want you to think that I'm an inconsiderate prick for being open to people who care about what I'm feeling. The only thing I ever aimed to get from these people is closure, that you have still not given me, and to let them know how events like this affect people so that I could build myself back up and walk away. Summer, inside I've felt hatred, disgust, anguish, betrayal, and pain with a slew of other names. And to tell you the truth a part of me is still very attached to you, and another part of me is happy that it happened. Now the part that is happy, feels that way because I realize it could have been worse if I would have found out after we got married, which was always my plan. And the part that is attached to you is that way because you have influenced the way I have developed so much that every time I do something I feel you right beside me. And that part of me is so attached because I did love you with all my heart and that left me with little room to love others. So I'm truly sorry if my actions towards you have seemed selfish and insensitive, that's not what I anticipated to happen. I just know that the way I feel towards you I can't bottle up, and now that I know you don't feel the same way I'm trying as hard as I can to ignore them. Because I've had some crazy thoughts and I know if I went through with any of my ideas nothing good would come of them and this entire situation would only become worse. So Summer I'm going to tell you I still feel for you and care what happens to you and am concerned about what you do. And even as you continue to tell me not to care for you and not to worry about you the commitment I made so many years ago still holds strong. And in order to keep my personal dignity I can't give up on that commitment to always care for you. I won't lie and say you didn't hurt me because you did and you hurt me very deep but I'll move on. So as stupid as I may sound and as stupid as some people think I am for feeling this way after all that has happened I still feel for you and I believe I always will and I'm willing to live with that because I know this has been hard on you and later in life I want to be able to be the shoulder you can brace yourself on when the world seems like too much. And Summer I know down deep you have the potential to do anything in the world, I've seen it and it made me burst into tears of joy, and I know one day, if you find the right path, you'll be a star even if it is in someone else's sky. So I guess my point is, if you are absolutely undeniably happier with Austin then you have my absolute blessings. I only want what is best for you because if you are really happy then I can be move on knowing I didn't leave you hurting. Now I feel horrible that I can't say the same for him and if that hurts you I'm truly sorry but I cannot respect a person, whom I've already given a second chance, who doesn't have the audacity to do something in front of me and who, even after all he has said to me, proves to be a deceitful degenerate. But enough about that he knows how I feel and it's him who has to live with the guilt. So if you really feel this is what will make your life better then go for it, you know I was always a person to push you to achieve your goals no matter what other people think. However, I must tell you that I believe you should be happy but you also need to look out for yourself Summer and what is best for you if you didn't have that significant other in your life. I know I never planned to lose you and when I did I was lost and to some extent I still am, and even though I know it'll be a very long time before I love someone the way I loved you this will pass and things will get better. But Summer, everything that has been happening between you and your dad is probably none of my business. But I know I have to tell you how I feel before things get worse and I slap myself for not telling you. Summer you need to sit down, by yourself, and spend time thinking about your future and planning how you are going to get yourself in that classroom and into your own house, if that is still what you want. I know you and your dad have never been, at least since I have known you, particularly close. But do you remember that time we went to visit him at the hospital after he had that minor heart attack, do you remember how upset we both were? I know you love him Summer and maybe you can't forgive him for how he treated your mother when you were little but he is just trying to do what he believes is best for you and he does deserve another chance if that is the case. I know you might feel as if he has abandoned you but he hasn't and this is tearing him apart. But in life Summer you have to give to get and he has more than given to you and the little he is asking is more than worth it. Remember Summer you are only 18 and you have a good 50 or 60 years ahead of you, just think, you don't even have a job and now not even a place that you can truthfully call home. You should mend these wounds before they escalate into something you have no control over, believe me things will be better if you do and your future will be much brighter. They say if we have love then that is all we need, and maybe a thousand years ago that was all that we did need, but in today's world one needs so much more in order to live and you know that as well as I do. But remember this is just my opinion, you will do what you think you should do, however remember Summer I never tried to lead you down a wrong path and when you are on the inside its hard to see what is going to happen down the road but when you are observing from the outside you can clearly see where events are headed. I guess I really have no more to say except to thank you for all that you gave me as a partner, as a friend, and as a confidant. I guess to love and to loose really is better than to have never loved at all. Good luck in all of your future endeavors I know you have the potential to do anything. Maybe someday we can look back on this and grow from it and maybe someday we can be friends but I know right now that is not for the best because neither of us has healed enough. So whatever you decide to do in life decide to do it because it's what you want and it's what will allow you to achieve your goals. Maybe in the future our paths will cross again and we can rediscover each other but I won't hold my breath. We must take what life deals us and play our cards to the best of our ability but remember don't be ashamed to ask people for help, many of them care more than you could ever imagine. Forever and always you will be a part of me, Adam

First off the what happened. My ex-gf of 5yrs dumped me a month ago for my "bestfriend". Cheated on me with him the day before she broke up with me, and moved on the same day. Now she doesn't want anything to do with me and has created a hatred towards me that has no logical basis. For the detailed version its here, have to warn you its long though. link removed Ok just let me say that I am totally ok with a girl who needs time from a relationship and I was totally ok with her when that is what I thought she wanted when the break up first happened. I'm willing to wait for good things. The thing I can't deal with and that I am unwilling to forgive is the fact that she cheated on me with my bestfriend, no ex-bestfriend, of 4yrs and both seem to be ok with it. So here's my problem. Over thanksgiving break I send here two text messages on her cell phone, which is still in my mothers name its a long story. The first one said: The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them. Remember happiness is only a state of mind. The second one: Wishing you a happy turkey day. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. And that was it nothing horrible and guilt ridden just something to show her how i feel because she still wont talk to me about it and i feel so lost. So anyhow this past monday at school Austin, the ex-bestfriend, comes up to me and has the nerve to say he "doesn't appreciate" me sending her those messages. And my god I thought I was going to lose it. My hands started to shake and was practically scream at him and asked him why the heck should i be considerate of his feelings after he betrayed me the way he did. I told him he was a deceitful person and i was going to do what i needed to do to be happy and if he had a problem then we could settle it outside of school, and i walked away because i knew if i stood their any longer I would have got in a fight with him. So ok i'm all worked up about that and go home and call some of my buddies over and tell them about what happened so before i know it i have like 11 people wanting to go mess up the kids house and car. Which does sound good and all because before he came up to me and said that I was just going to let it all go. But now that he wants to make my expression of a feeling to someone else his business then I'll make sure he gets more than he bargained for. Ok and on top of this Summer, my ex, starts talking to me in class. I ask her why she has been acting the way she has and stuff, because through all the people i've talked to her i still haven't bashed her in anyway because i still love the girl very much. Anyway she tells me she doesn't want me sending the messages anymore, and thats fine but she should have told me in the first place Austin has no right to stick his nose in it. And i told her that he didn't and that he was going to put himself in an even tougher position if he kept up his with his arrogant attitude. She got mad at that and started cursing at me, which is something i've never heard her do before. She also told me she was angry at me for sharing details on our relationship with other ppl and thats its no one elses business. So i said ok whatever i'm just going to do what makes me happy. There I think I included everything. Anyway my questions are: Should I keep sending her little messages? I know they make Austin mad which makes me feel satisfied in some way, and its probably antagonizing the enitre situation but if he snaps first especially at school this could turn out good for me. Should I follow through with any plans on doing something to Austin? I mean I did walk away this is the first time i've spoke to either of them in 3weeks, and it seems he wants to keep it going so why not. Why is she mad at me for talking to other people about what happened especially when I told it in a way to not get people angry at her? I'm not going to stop talking about it because talking about it has been the only release i've had and without that i would have done some stupid things. And finally I've still haven't developed a hatred or anger towards her, sure i'm upset and hurt by her but she is still the girl i feel in love with and I feel like she is trying to get me to be mad at her and keep a grudge against her. Should i give into my emotions and be furious with her or what else should i do? Sorry about the length but there has been a lot happening.

A month ago my ex-gf of 5yrs cheated on me with my "bestfriend" and left me the next day for him. The only reason she gave me for what she did was that her feelings for me had changed, that she still loved me and always wanted me to be a part of her life but she felt like she needed something new. This kind of sounds like where you are coming from too. So needless to say the break up blindsided me and im still devastated by it everyday, because just like with you this girl was not only my gf but almost part of my family. She was my first love and first long term relationship. We were together since we were 12 and I shared everything with her. Now she won't even look at me or talk to me. I still haven't really dated anyone yet and have spent a lot of time with my friends. I spent so much time with this girl and loved every minute of it even the times when we argued. Now i feel like half of myself has been ripped away all for her to experience something new. I think you really have to ask yourself one question. Is ephemeral happiness or fun that you will experience with the new guy worth giving up all the good times and love you have shared with your boyfriend? I know with my ex-gf she probably doesn't realize what she has done yet because she told me she still has feelings for me and yet she says she is happy with the new guy. I'm not sure how you feel exactly but it sounds like you have a great relationship with your current bf and i mean 10yrs is a long time. Of course by now you've experienced just about everything with him. But that doesn't mean you two still can't have the time of your lives. Talk with him about it go do new things together take a vacation and rediscover the person you feel in love with. I know I wish my ex would have talked to me about it before she went and did what she did because I still love her so much, and what do you do when the only person who can stop your crying made you cry? Remember a loving relationship takes work and if you are both willing to put the effort in the benefits you will reap will be far greater than you ever imagined. Just my 2 cents

For those of you that have read my story, I'm doing better or at least becoming better at not showing it. And for those of you that haven't basically my ex-gf of 5yrs left me for my bestfriend the day before she broke up with me. Anyways what I want to ask is, now after a month how should I feel towards her. I know I'm hurting about all of it but I feel an anger starting to build sometimes and it scares me because I've never been angry and wanting to hurt this person ever before. I've looked around the forums and read some posts about people who want out of a relationship because their feelings have changed and why they do it and stuff. Now I can accept the fact that she didn't want our relationship to continue on because she feels a different way. But what I still can not accept is the fact that she cheated on me with my now ex-bestfriend the night before she broke up with me. Now she totally ignores me and makes me feel like I did something wrong even though when she first broke up with me she said it wasn't because of something I did. I know revenge probably isn't the smart thing to do because it never works out like you want it to. And a part of me doesn't want to do anything to her because I will hurt if she hurts. Now my ex-bestfriend that is a different story. Should I seek revenge on him? Because after what he did I don't think I would feel any remorse for anything I would do. I've spend almost all my time with friends and family and it helps, but there is still the stinging feeling of betrayal and I don't know what to do with it. And it feels like getting revenge on those that have hurt me will be the only way to make some of my pain go away. My ex-gf refuses to talk to me about anything. She hasn't talked to any of our mutual friends since this happened and she is isolating herself with him. I don't want to see her get hurt and at the same time I don't want to hurt. Any advice is good advice what do you all think I should do???

You just have to ask yourself do you really want this girl in your life and is it healthy? Is all the pain and emotions worth the friendship that she says she has for you. Personally I would stay away from her. Its been just about 4 weeks since my ex and I broke up. And if she came back to be friends with me I don't think I could do it. Just looking at her in school brings back memories of the past. And talking to her makes me so mad that I could bite a nail in two because I am hurt that she left me. Maybe sometime in the future she and I could be friends but I have to get over her first, and I think that is what you should do too if you still have strong feelings for her. Just my 2 cents

I feel for you man. This too is the first thanksgiving without my ex in 5yrs, and Christmas is going to suck too. And yes I was tempted to call her today but I didn't because it would make me mad knowing my ex-bestfriend is with her. Yeah she left me for my bestfriend. Now I cant say that i know what its like to be lonely on a holiday because i am with my family today. But it is very different considering i've spent the last 5 thanksgivings at her family's house. I just mainly sat around and read today, and stuffed my face nothing like eating when you're depressed right? Anyways get out go do something I dont know I'm still trying to figure out exactly what to do. Best of luck man.

Yeah I agree I think I would be upset if another guy was buying gifts and stuff for my gf as well. Since my best friend took my gf from me i've been putting off killing him *lol*. But now its time to start the fun and games I gave it a month to let him think about stuff muhahahaah! God now i need go eat some turkey

Well Angel I can't say i exactly agree with you on all that. Following your heart is one thing but not using your brain is another. Whitefang if she is happy with the other man and you show your feelings for her it could make things a bit weird especially if she tells her man. And if I were that man I would be really angry with you and believe me it sucks to be that man. And if you do express your feelings to her and she doesn't feel the same way you might put doubt in your friendship. Personally I would wait, keep your hands clean, don't mess up other ppl's happiness for yourself it's selfish. If you have any respect for the other man you will just wait if it's meant to happen between you two it will.

Ok since my gf of 5yrs dumped me for my best friend I've been doing a lot of thinking and have decided maybe I need to go look for someone else. Since our split I've been spending a lot of time with friends and have been on like one date but nothing serious at all. I just want to find someone that can help me put my heart back together and I'm not sure at all about how to do it. My ex and I started dating when we were 12 and it took a year before we kissed eachother. Now that I have been meeting other people it just seems everyone wants to move so fast and in all honesty it kind of scares me. I have a hard time talking to other girls about how I feel and I feel like I'll never be able to talk to another girl and tell them why I feel a certain way. With my ex we had a comfort zone with eachother and talked about everything and anything and now that I dont have her anymore I dont know what to do. Its even hard to talk to long time friends about all of this but if I dont talk about it i get depressed and start crying. I dont know im just rambling. I guess what steps do i take to develop a good relationship with another girl and how do i open myself up a little and get rid of the wall in my heart?

Love to me is so much more than a feeling or an emotion. Happiness is just a state of mind and all emotions are relative to the situation. Love is what happens when you look into that special person's eyes and for a moment life doesn't matter, all that matter is that you are around them. Love is a bond, and an eternal committment. Love is unbreakable, doesn't fade with time, and if true will overcome any obstacle. I don't believe people can learn to love another, love just happens, you don't have to work for it, and you feel it from the moment you meet that special person. Now let me say happiness and all the emotions you feel around a loved one make your love stronger but aren't neccessarily required to have love. Blah, I don't know love is a mystery and I don't want to pretend i know what it is because I dont. But this is just my 2 cents lol.

Oh by no means are you alone. 24 days ago my exgf of 5yrs dumped me. And believe me when it first happened i felt like the lonliest person in the world. Though i still have nights where i'll lay in bed and cry myself to sleep it does get better. A part of me still yearns to be with her again, but another part of me is trying to move forward and get on with my life. Spending time with friends and just meeting new people does help out tremendously. The no contact thing is for the best too, talking to them will only bring back more memories and it will just hurt again. These boards are great, i come here when i feel myself starting to get sad and i just read about other people and it makes me feel good that other people have succeeded in overcoming obstacles just like mine. Though it isn't probably the answer you are looking for you just have to realize you are your own person and there is so much more in life than your ex. If you want here is a link to my story. link removed Its the hardest thing i've ever had to try and overcome but anything is possible and i'm sure you can do it too. Keep us posted many people here have been through or are going through what you are experiencing now and it'll help no only you but all of us also if you share your feelings. Best of luck to you

I guess it really depends on how long you and your ex have been split up. Personally if they started going out right after you two split then I would stay away from both of them. Since my ex dumped me for my best friend I haven't spoken to him. And I probably never will. If you haven't already talked to your best friend about it you should. Lay it out to her tell her how she hurt you ( if this is how you feel) and just let her know you disapprove of her actions. Don't argue or get in a fight though it won't be worth it. Just having a nice calm talk will show maturity and will leave her feeling guilty for what she has done. And we all know how hard it is to live with guilt and it will be something that she thinks about everytime she looks are your ex. Just my 2 cents though

You're probably right Blah, my ex gf and i were together for 5 yrs there is no way she could not think about it. Thing is though I have to see her everyday in school and sit next to her in a few classes, so its not like a walk away thing for me. It hurts bad but I try to keep it hidden because she say she is happy, but happiness is just a state of mind after all.

Well if she decides to stay in the relationship with her bf then you shouldn't mess with her. Still be her friend and support her in her decision if thats what she decides to do because friendship can last a life time but a girlfriends hardly ever do. As for talking about it with her just ask her how things between them are going and don't probe at it if she wants to tell you she will. But don't try to get between them if she doesn't want to let him go. If you do you two might get together but its doubtful anything would last from it. And on your part it would show a true lack of character. Also think she broke your heart once before do you want to go through it again?? There are plenty of other ppl out there believe me i'm just starting to get over my ex gf who left me for my bf.

Lol good question. I like to think that my ex thinks about me but she seems like life is so dandy since she dropped me. So i second this I would really like to know also.

Well thanks for all the feed back guys. Idunno while on a certain level i agree with you as to not wasting time on girls because right now I feel like that is what i should do. But i have a superpatriot friend, i guess you can call him that, that is at a point where girls don't want to be around him because he acts too hard like the only person that matters is himself. And maybe a break is what a relationship needs but why if only a break to go explore yourself is what girls want, did my ex cheat on me the day before she broke it off? I dont know lately i've just been angry and afraid i might close up the emotions and feelings for a significant other. Anyhow the whole play thing while your young is just stupid. Why get invovled in a committed relationship at all if you only want to eventually break it off to go "explore"? Explore the lesser options first and then go for the committment. Then later in life a lot of women want the security and committment but not while they are young, it just seems wrong. To explore and discover is one thing but to explore and discover at the expense of others is selfish and very hard to accept as the "way it is".

First of all let me say women confuse the heck out of me. I've never understood them and I probably never will. But when it comes down to a woman liking a man what are they looking for? I just got out of a 5yr relationship with a girl, who I thought was my soulmate. I offered her everything I have. After talking with other girls they tell me someday you will find someone else who respects you for all you have to offer and who will love you more than she ever did, and they will come along when you least expect it. This is all fine and dandy for the future, but in the present I don't see what I didn't offer especially after my ex started seeing a person who offers so much less. I offered my ex my wholehearted self, i committed myself to her, loved her unconditionally, trusted her entirely, did anything for her, gave her anything, and pleased her in every way i could. Now she is seeing a person who has a history of treating girls badly and who has a very bad problem being faithful to someone. Yet she says she is happy and moves on and smiles about it. Too often does it seemf that women go for those men who have a "history" and who end up treating them bad. And leave guys who have the potential to offer them security, care, and trust. It just doesn't make sense that guys that have a lot to offer are often the first to be shunned and the first that girls come to after they have been hurt. Why is this? Am I the only one that thinks this? Doesn't this seem wrong? Should I play the selfish bastard who uses women and doesn't care about their feelings? It works for others, right?

After several attempts to talk casually to her I think I've given up. She will either ignore me completely or seem detached when she answers back. Oh well I guess. I'll let her do what she wants it's her life and as bad as it hurts to see her make these decisions it's her choice and she will have to live with them. Today was the first day I really got through school without feeling too depressed. I even beamed her a smile when she passed through the hallway. I was wondering when Christmas comes up, and if things are still the way they are now, should I send her a card? Nothing relationship related but just wishing her well for the holidays. I mean I can ignore her at school if she wants it that way but I can't do it about everything else also. Anyways things are starting to come together a bit more. I visted my grandparents this weekend and they had a lot to say. I love grandparents they always know exactly how to put things so you can keep on living. I sat up another date with a girl from school this saturday so that gives me something to look forward to. Besides that I'm pretty much here I still think about the past a lot but not 24 7 like I was doing.

Hmm, well when I do try to talk to her in school once in a while she will answer back. But most of the time if seems likes someone is pushing her to talk to me, and many times she just ignores me. Its also hard to ignore her because she is in 4 of my 7 classes, and every time I look at her I either get depressed or angry if Sam is there too. And do you think that staying good friends with her parents is a good idea? Her dad thinks it is but i'm not too sure. Thanks for all of your advice so far.

God this sounds so familiar its scary. My gf of 5 yrs was seeing my bestfriend before she broke up with me. This happened two weeks ago and I hate my ex bestfriend so much that killing him or roughing him up does sound like something that would make me feel better. If you care to read it sikk its posted here: link removed If it helps man you're not alone in this at all. I was blindsided by my gf when she broke up with me. And now almost every night I cry about it. She told me just what hellojello said, that the feeling just wasn't there any more. But screw that, it's so hard to understand that because even if the feelings aren't there how can someone do it when they know its going to hurt someone else so much?? Women are strange, many seem to want to hurt men. God I only wish my gf would have told me what she was feeling a long time before she did what she did, I mean I always thought we were open with eachother. But you never really know someone as well as you think *hence my bestfriend*. On top of all that I still have to see them everyday at school, and I don't know how much longer I can take it either. I would enjoy so much ripping that faggot's eyes out and choking the life out of his little body. But everything that happens now is up to me and I have to much to lose to do that. I suggest working more hours, volunteering some place, and spending a lot of time with others. I find the hardest times are when I am alone and thats when I come here and just read posts, and it helps me a lot and has stopped me from doing some stupid things. Think about all the stuff you have to live for ie. family, friends, etc.. Make a list of them. Keep your mind off your ex and spend more time finding something you enjoy doing and do it. I know you probably feel like they are both getting off without any penalties but they will get it in the end, it might be a long time but they'll get what they deserve. Nothing is free in life and they will end up paying too. But for the time being you are suffering too much and the only person that can stop that is yourself. There are so many more people in the world that can make you feel like she made you feel, you just have to put some effort into finding them and developing a relationship. But if you keep up in your present state its going to be hard for you to ever move on with another woman, and thats what you want isn't it, to be happy? I'm going through the same thing right now and its hard probably the hardest thing I've had to do in all my life but I know I'll be stronger when I succeed. One more thing heres a song that I've been listening to, and its something to think about. Garth Brooks - Unanswered Prayers. Country music has a song for everything. But listen to the words they give me hope and it helps to have some optimism in your life right now.

So you really think calling her would be a good idea? The first week after she dropped me I kept calling her at night before she went to bed to tell her to have a good night and say her prayers. But after she started the stupid rumor and continued to shun me at school, I quit calling her. I keep trying to talk to her at school but she ignores me and acts like I'm not even there, even when I'm just saying hi. A lot of people have told me not to try and be her friend because it will just make everything harder on me. They also say to let her come back to me and if I keep talking with her it might make her mad and push her away. After she started the rumor about me. I told her, "Look Ashley, I'm not sure why you are saying these things about me, but I'm not even going to get angry about it. I feel like you are trying to make me mad at you inorder for you to justify what you've done. But girl I'll always love you and nothing you do is going to change that." She just looked at me and told me I must be blind. I just turned away and said I don't think I am. She ignores me so much that in our French class of 4 people she has to be told to participate in the conversations with me. I don't know maybe I shouldn't let myself dwell on any of this. It hurts but I'll live. I've never been free before at least in my teenage years so there have got to be a lot of ups to it, it seems others enjoy so maybe I can too. I've started to think what I would do if she did come back. I know I love her dearly but it would take me a lot of time if it ever came to that. As of right now I've been working on a plan with some other friends to get one of Sam's crushes to start hitting on him. If we can get him to slip up and catch him I have a good feeling it'd split him and Ashley. But anyways I need to go find something to do, I just got off work and I don't want to get to depressed lol.

This is my first attempt ever at writing any kind of poetry that I've actually felt about. I thought I would try it to see if it helps take some of the pain away. For anyone that cares I wrote this after my gf of 5yrs left me posted here : link removed As I stood listening to those words leave your lips, I heard nothing, but felt my world begin to topple and tip. Through all the tears and constant pain Still I wish that things could be the same. Confused and hurt by your actions that are so cruel, I stand and watch your heart begin to cool. After all the years I've stood by you How can you leave me feeling so blue? I trusted you and gave it my all But they say what goes up, must fall. Now I sit here with a box full of memories from the past Why did you tell me that our love would always last? Too many nights do dreams of the lost haunt me, What happened to the person you used to be? They say time will heal any wound, But why did this happen so soon? Future plans and dreams now all washed away, How do you turn your back and have nothing to say? I would fight for you for all eternity, But only because I truly believe in unity. You now move on and keep a smile on your face, But in reality your feelings are like torn lace.

I played Everquest for 2 years and ended up having a total ingame time of about 98day lol. I quit because I wanted to spend more time with my gf and more time on my school work. At the time everquest was all I did all day basically. Now that I look back I'm kind of ashamed that I wasted that much of my life. If you get addicted to the games it makes it really hard to have any kind of social life, but they are fun and I love the whole fantasy aspect of a lot of them. Since my gf broke up with me, the same one I quit EQ for, I've been thinking about starting it back up. Instead I think I'm going to ask for more hours at work, some RPG are like drugs lol.