robert7x Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Well Ladies and Gentlemen, Let me just say that there is a life after breakup. As some of you know i've been going through a heartbreak since Christmas Eve. It's been tough; i've been miserable; and i just wanted her back. Since she left to another Country, i stoped all Contact with her imediately. I've known about NC before and i had to initiate it right away. I did the whole Disappear-off-the-face-of-the-earth thing. My friend changed passwords on my myspace and facebook so i can't get on there; I deleted my old email address; delete my msn, aim and other messangers. The only thing left was my cell and my work email... I couldn't mess with either one of those because it was work related. Then all i had was the time... At first, as most of you know, it's hell... I mean it's so hard because you are constantly thinking about her. I knew that she ran off to be with someone else, i knew that, but she didn't know i knew. She lied about Dying Grandpa and other crap just so she can keep me as a backup. She didn't contact me when i needed her the most i guess... I was alone for Christmas and New Years because i really wasn't feeling like being with anyone at the time. She ignored me then. No text messages, emails, nothing. Dead Silence. Couple weeks of NC passed and i get her first email with more lies explaining why she ran off... Basically still lieing and not telling me the truth. I ignore it... Another one comes a week later... I still ignore it. Then she calls and leaves me this vmail like everything is still the same between us.... Now for some people that are going thru this, this would be a Godsend... They would hurry back and write her back and all just to get her back. Me... I ignored it. I realized that there is no way we can be together, (at this point i still wanted her). She's with someone else in another country and is probably not planing on coming back so what's the point of getting my hopes up. All this time while i was doing NC, what really helped me was hanging out with friends; Going shopping for stuff that i wanted and couldn't get; going out with friends to a movie or wherever; Working out (this one helped me a lot); reading some books; watching movies and basically just trying to live my life. I was back doing my hobbies and if it wasn't so damn cold here, i'd be out riding my bike every night and doing other things I love... But that's to come soon. So this brings us to yesterday. After i guess a month and 2 or so weeks, i have no idea, of NC she sends me an email to my work saying to please talk to her and how she wants me to be her friend... Now, How can a person go from all lovey dovey to now wanting me as a friend... Screw that. I ignore that... However it doesn't stop there... She calls and leaves a vmail on my cell saying she wants to know how i'm doing, she's upset that i haven't responded, she doesn't know what changed, how can i ignore her, we should be mature about this and talk (WHAT???), and just please talk to me crap. I imediately realize that she's going to start contacting everyone i know to find out what's up with me. So i text all my friends and call my parents not to answer her and just ignore. Well one of my friends didn't get the message in time and he answered. She was asking him about me and he said he hasn't heard from me in a week or so so he doesn't know anything. GOOD! She's got Nothing! She doesn't need to know nothing about my life, just like i don't want to know anything about hers. I come to work, She called here too... She called the receptionist and asked her if i was at work, then left me a vmail at work too. Now as some of you can understand, this did mess me up a little bit.... Before yesterday, I felt like i'm moving on... I REALLY REALLY FELT GOOD. I mean i didn't feel this good in God knows how long. I felt awsome and was loving my life and everything in it. Now her atempt in contacting me while still in Germany with her new BF, really made me feel a little down. Today, no calls... and i'm happy again. I realized that I don't want her back. I actually realized that day before yesterday but today i realized it again. She is drop-dead goregous girl, she's beautifull, I love her, i probably always will. I felt like she's the best thing that ever happened to me, but I can't be with her again. There is no trust. I would look like a biggest moron if i took her back after leaving me when i needed her, and after she was with someone else while giving me bunch of lies, and then come back to me. Uh Uh... This ship has sailed... Destination... New Life. I'm sorry if this is long, but i just wanted to let you all know: Believe it that NC does work, but only works for you. It's not meant to bring your EX back. They may get curious about your life after a while and start calling, but trust me, be strong and ignore it. Live your life damn it... Live it to the fullest. It's way too short to waste it on someone who doesn't give a damn about you when you need them and then when they are bored or whatever then they want to talk to you. There is a light after every Breakup... I'm happy with myself and I didn't try to date anyone or anything like that... I'll find someone when the time is right. I really don't care anymore. Good Luck to all. R Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 It sounds like you've handled this exceptionaly well. I like the idea of getting rid of all the facebook and myspace sort of things and your email. Temptation out the way there. Im so glad you've finally realised that she's isnt now the person you were with and loved and she's messed you around. Its weird she contacted you so much! But congratulations on your new life. Link to comment
robert7x Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 Thank you. I think the reason she keeps contacting me is she needs me to do her a favor or something like that... but I really don't care. I will always love her because of what we had together, but I don't want her. Even if i end up alone, I will not be with her. It would be hell because of what she did to me. Thanks for reading. R Link to comment
PixelPusher Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Well done! I know how hard it is to do this, and my situation is similar to yours, though it didn't involve my X running off to another country. Though the "can't we still be friends?" thing was there. Unbelievable, isn't it? They shatter your heart, drag it through broken glass and then act upset and confused when you don't want to be their friend? When I first split, I agreed to being her friend only because at that point I was so despondent and dependent that I really DIDN'T think I could live my life without her in it. BUt the first month of NC opened my eyes and showed me the strength I had within. Now it's been two years and we've only talked maybe 6 times via email regarding mutual business/tax stuff, etc. It's great! Kudos to you for staying strong... keep on keeping on. Link to comment
foreverlost Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 oh wow... congrats Robert. I remember your first posts here and you were DEVASTATED! I am so happy for you... Link to comment
lost1234 Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Glad to see you're doing better Robert! Link to comment
greensleeves Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Robert....way to go!!!! You've come a very long way since your first thread and you did it!!! I'm so happy that things have worked out for you, NC really does work doesn't it? It's amazing how our feelings can change from utter heartache to realizing that our exes aren't worth the time of day. Your posts will be inspiring to anyone going through those initial stages of a breakup. Thanks for the update Link to comment
robert7x Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 Thank you all. Thanks for great support and giving me all the great advice... I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for some of you. At the beginning it really is hard, but it will get better... nothing lasts forever, especially not the pain. While i was doing NC i wanted her to contact me etc, but then after some time and when she did... no I want her to stop because i really don't want anything to do with her. Just stay strong and stick to your goals and don't break down... It will set you back and you'll just go to the beginning of the break-up. I didn't believe at first that i'll be better... i thought i'll always want her to be in my life. I'm so glad i woke up from that nightmare. She can have her new guy and stay in that country... I'm leading my own life here and eventually i'll have someone else again. R Link to comment
estrella28 Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Pixel...I love what you said. My ex was soooo hurt when I said I wished I'd never met him. I was like...um are you serious? No, you don't get to be the one that "saved" me. Sorry! But anyway Robert I am SO proud of you and I'm modelling my behavior after you from now on! Link to comment
Levora14 Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Just stay strong and stick to your goals and don't break down... It will set you back and you'll just go to the beginning of the break-up. I didn't believe at first that i'll be better... i thought i'll always want her to be in my life. I'm so glad i woke up from that nightmare. She can have her new guy and stay in that country... I'm leading my own life here and eventually i'll have someone else again. R It's great to see you are in a better place in your life now. I hope you get stronger as more time passes. It gives me hope that I will soon be there myself. I know it's not easy and right now I am still at the stages where I don't think I will get over this or find anyone else or even be happy, but seeing your progress and how strong you are now is certainly awesome. Thank you for sharing this. Link to comment
robert7x Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 If you read some of my old posts... you'll see in what kind of screwed up place I was. I thought my whole life is about to end. The sun set and rised with that girl... now she is gone. I was so down and depressed, i mean i felt the lowest i ever will. I kept as busy as possible. I was anywhere but in our apartment. It was hard at first but then later on i got used to it. I got urges to contact her and do something, but in the back of my head it was always the same saying "It won't solve a darn thing". What's done is done. She left, her lose, not mine. I guess another thing that helped me is that i kept reading posts here about people saying how they are 5-6 even more months after breakup and still stuck on her/him. I told myself there is no way i want to be there 5months from now. Why would i waste my life over somoene that is having the most fun with someone else. Screw that. I kept telling myself that every day and making myself do anything, everything possible to move on. I'm not saying i'm 100% there, but i know this though: I don't want her back, I'm finnaly happy, and it will only get better. Link to comment
DayHell Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 awesome post. glad i took the time to read it. She is drop-dead goregous girl, she's beautifull, I love her, i probably always will. I felt like she's the best thing that ever happened to me, but I can't be with her again. There is no trust. I would look like a biggest moron if i took her back after leaving me when i needed her, and after she was with someone else while giving me bunch of lies, and then come back to me. Uh Uh... This ship has sailed... Destination... New Life i'm going to read that all the time! 100% how i feel now. Link to comment
amure Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 * * * * man u deserve a medal. i could never ignore anyone like that... ever. no matter who it is. just simply because im weak in that sense XDXD lolol good on you man thank god i have a ex who is just as strong and wont give in till hell freezes over Link to comment
robert7x Posted February 8, 2008 Author Share Posted February 8, 2008 The thing is, after you realize that no matter what she says will not make you be together... That's when you change and let go. I'll still miss her from time to time because of what we had together... Those feelings will probably always be there... But she is not the same person i fell in love with. This is a new girl that i personally do not like. You just have to see them for who they are... Once you wake up from this terrible dream and you realize that it's not like it used to be; it's not the same relationship you had and no matter what they do to contact you, they are only doing it for themselves, not for you. A lot of people start getting hope when they see that ex is contacting them in any way. They get all excited and start hoping and thinking that this is it, we're getting back together. That only sets you back to the beginning. That's why i see so many threads about "Ex contacted me" etc. I say ignore it, and keep on ignoring it. If they loved you like we were told at the beginning, they would never leave us for someone else especially during holidays. Just remember that... When they contact you, remember why you are on this website; remember the pain you felt when they left you; remember the feelings how you felt like the whole world is about to end; just remember it all, and then think if you really want to go thru that again. And you will if you let them know you're alive. Link to comment
PixelPusher Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 ^^^^ Added to reputation... well said! Link to comment
robert7x Posted February 8, 2008 Author Share Posted February 8, 2008 Thank you... Thank you very much Link to comment
Wotgorilla Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 So great to see you doing so well. I'm just back on here after a while away and am catching up on all that's been going on. Your post was very touching, and I've been on both ends of the NC debate. I've tried and tried with NC, but always ran back the minute my ex got in touch with me. I was dishonest with her as well, I lied so that she would like me better. Little did I realize (until the other day that is), that I didn't need to lie, that she was wrong for me all along! Like you, I'm learning to live life, appreciate what I have, and strive to better myself. Believing in yourself means you don't have to have toxic people in your life. You can rid yourself of the toxins, and good things will come. I'm into 2 days of NC and feel wonderful, because I finally ended things on my terms. I laid it all on the line and walked away. Thanks for words of encouragement Robert and stay strong! TSD Link to comment
robert7x Posted February 8, 2008 Author Share Posted February 8, 2008 Good for you. It gets a lot better and easier to move on once you realize that it's better off this way. When you decide finnaly to let go and move on, that's when you'll feel like your re-born again. Just stay strong and don't Break the NC. Just remind yourself that this is for you and you only. You don't want someone that treats you like crap anyway. Link to comment
Wotgorilla Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Thanks Robert, we'll be here for each other! Yes, I can be corny... Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.