Really like this girl... but I may be a rebound?

[Brady4]

Hello all, here's my story:

 

At the beginning of this [senior] year of college, I started talking to this girl who spent a semester abroad with my roommate/best friend. We hit it off like no other... we have the same sense of humor, and taste in most everything (especially music, which is both of our passions). So I'd see her around my house and the bars and talk to her for hours, effortlessly.

 

Problem: She had a boyfriend. They had been together for about a year and a half before that, but broke up during her time abroad. They got together shortly after she returned in the spring of last year. At the beginning of this year, she started spending less and less time with him, and I'd see her nearly every night. She started coming back from going out with me, just to hang out and talk. She would stay in my bed and we would just talk... both of us understanding the boyfriend situation, and neither of us made a move.

 

I never asked her why she wasn't dumping her boyfriend if she wasn't really into it anymore, but my friend had. Her reply was that after being together for so long, it was just too hard. I never pressured her, and just had fun/joked with her all the time, which is what I've done to this day. She would often tell me she can't hang out too much, because it confuses her.

 

About two weeks before winter break, she ends up breaking up with her boyfriend. And we, perhaps stupidly, begin hooking up. So we've been intimate for a couple of months now, and there haven't really been any problems or worries. Except one night a couple weeks ago, she told one of my friends she thinks she's going to "break my heart," because she still has feelings for her ex. And this is the only time I confronted her: I basically asked what her deal was. She said she had no intention of getting back together with him in the near future. She also said she really likes me and that I was one of the major reasons that she broke up with the ex.

 

Now we do get along great, and I've just been thinking about this... that I feel I'm most likely a rebound. However, I refuse to ask her things like this, because I assume as soon as I start getting emotional, it will freak her out. So I keep things light and fun all of the time, and we have a good time. I'm thinking that since he's on the swim team, which is in season, she might be using me when he's on a busy schedule.

 

However, even when swim team wasn't in season, she would spend more time with me than him.

 

So I don't know. Does it sound like I'm the rebound? If I am, but I keep her smiling, she has no reason to go anywhere else. But the thought that I might be getting used kind of sucks too. What's my best move at this point? I'm not sure I need a serious relationship, but a little comfort that it's not going to end abruptly and harshly as soon as season's over would be nice.

[thekid55]

Well, since you are in a senior college, you probably do have a lot going on if you are about to get out into the real world. This is just an assumption. I would just have fun with this girls. I would look more at her actions then anything else. She is choosing to spend time with YOU. She isn't spending time with him, so it seems. I do think that, that "break your heart" comment does speak volumes, so you can keep your guard up for the time being. Enjoy your time with her and just make the best of it!

[barbielovesmac]

Well, since you are in a senior college, you probably do have a lot going on if you are about to get out into the real world. This is just an assumption. I would just have fun with this girls. I would look more at her actions then anything else. She is choosing to spend time with YOU. She isn't spending time with him, so it seems. I do think that, that "break your heart" comment does speak volumes, so you can keep your guard up for the time being. Enjoy your time with her and just make the best of it!

 

Im going to have to agree with this ^. I don't really believe in the whole "rebound" hoo-ha. I believe every relationship stands on it's own merits.

Just have fun but don't take it so serious and keep your guard up until you know her intentions a little more.

[Brady4]

Very good advice, both of you. I think the best thing I can do is have fun and keep my guard up. But no matter how much I keep my guard up, it will still be hard if the day comes when she goes back. Not saying that's a huge possibility, as there were other problems in their relationship.

 

I think we get along too well for this too be completely a rebound. And I like to think I'm a quality enough guy to not be rebound material, so she's not exactly lowering her standards to be with me.

[ghost69]

don't question it. just continue as is. if it happens, it happens. don't worry yourself about it. you might start acting weird around her and she might break it off cause of that. have fun.