degrees of attraction, yes/no?

[real amour]

Hello all. I used to think attraction was black and white. Actually, I still think it is. Is sexual chemistry all black and white, you either have it with a guy or you don't? Is is instant? Are there degrees of grey in there? I am married and I never had an attraction or maybe a little one, but then I see other guys just oozing with testosterone/pheromones and I think then I am really not attracted to my husband. Actually, I am sure I am not at this point which is how I found this board. Can attraction grow or if it grows, does it tend to fade?

 

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.

[akatoro]

Hey there.

 

I found my now exgf to be very attractive eventhough we had only met over the IT at first. When we first met in RealLife it was instant attraction from both parts but sadly her attraction for me faded after 11 months of relationship and thus we broke up as friends.

 

Attraction is something absolute in a relationship for me. I can't imagine being together with someone strictly because it's practical in one way or the other. But have you not found that attraction can grow from getting to know a person more and more? Is there absolutely no feeling similar to attraction between you and your man?

 

I thought that attraction was the foundation that feelings of love grows from. If you are attracted to a person, he or she should come to mean a lot for you.. In short, what is love without attraction? What is it that you are missing in your marriage? Are you longing for something special at all?

 

It would be nice with answers to those questions seeing as there are a lot of aspects to take into consideration. What affection is for you might not have the same meaning as it does for me =)

 

Good luck and I hope to hear from you later =)

[Osiris]

Greetings real amour,

 

Yes attraction can grow, yet sometimes it`s fades away. If you feel like something going wrong with your relationship maybe it`s time to talk with your partner. Together you might find a solution. Maybe you should spend more time together and try to have more fun in order to enchance your sexual life.

 

Hope that helps,

 

Osiris.

[Gilgamesh]

You have asked some questions that each one on their own could start a 5 page thread.

 

Is sexual chemistry all black and white, you either have it with a guy or you don't?

 

Yes and No, sometimes you have it from the get go, its instant, bang! other time it grows on ya, you become more aware of your partner and they you, and it gets better over time, in loveand war there are no rules.

anything is posible.

 

I am married and I never had an attraction or maybe a little one, but then I see other guys just oozing with testosterone/pheromones and I think then I am really not attracted to my husband

 

Dang girl, "oozing with testosterone" I can understand what your talking about here, you want to feel that lust, that passion, how can you feel that with a man that you have become used too? this can be a problem with some relationships, keeping the passion alive. in your case it seems you never really had it to begin with, it never grew, and your frustrated.

 

I know you will get posts, asking you to try and spice up your marriage, and all that, I take it your beyong that. is there love between you two? or are you just with him because of "security" and companionship?

 

I can understand your frustration, but you dont want to hurt anyone here, including yourself.

 

Can attraction grow or if it grows, does it tend to fade

 

All of the above, it can start small and grow, it can start strong and fade, and every other combination. relationship all need some work, you have to put some effort in them to keep them growing. the intial novelty runs out eventually, and only love and determination keep people together.

 

Dont get caught in the trap of lusting after some sexy guy, yes, it will feel great at first, all the passion you long for, is right there, but the novelty that makes it new and fresh, wears down, and soon your looking for someone else. this is a cycle some men get stuck in, changing partners often because they want to live in the "Spark Zone" all the time (sounds like a title of a self help book dont it?) and as soon as the spark is gone, so are they.

 

At first you dont need to put much effort to keep things exciting, it just is because its fresh and new, but only effort, will keep it that way later, and love is a strong foundation that helps.

 

If there is no effort, if there is no love, then maybe its time to find someone new.

 

P.S.

I wanna get me a t-shirt with "oozing with testosterone" written on it, you know you could make a fortune with that. really, thats cool.