Love fool

[I_KicKed_keNNedy]

It seems that everytime I truly love and desire a woman, I lose my head. For some reason it brings out the worst in me.

 

On the other hand, when I don't love or desire a woman, I seem to have some sort of magic touch.

 

If I didn't love the woman to begin with, the second I fall for her I ruin everything.

 

Currently, I'm in what most people would consider a wonderful relationship, but I do not love nor desire this woman. A lot of people tell us how cute we are and how great we are together. Also, I have a woman I've been chasing for some time whom I love dearly, but I haven't really had contact with for a long time. Yet it still consumes my thoughts and any time I reach out to her I act like such a twit.

 

Am I doomed to find myself stuck in loveless relationships and jealous self-loathing? Has anybody ever been able to get themselves out of the cycle?

[Entropy Smith]

It seems that everytime I truly love and desire a woman, I lose my head. For some reason it brings out the worst in me.

 

On the other hand, when I don't love or desire a woman, I seem to have some sort of magic touch.

 

If I didn't love the woman to begin with, the second I fall for her I ruin everything.

 

You are close to figuring this relationship thing out mortal. Don't distress. Eventually learn to KEEP YOUR HEAD when you desire a woman and feign indifference. Then go to indirect/casual communication. Keep it a slow build.

[Natty7]

Is the current relationship you have exclusive? If it is, you should let her in on what's going on in your mind.

 

As for the other woman... or women... in your opinion, how you do you always ruin it? What are your specific downfalls in your opinion? Pretty much, in detail, how do you ruin it?

[I_KicKed_keNNedy]

I dunno. I guess the only thing I can offer is some anecdotes:

 

1) After I hadn't seen one woman I adored for a long time, we were hanging out at the bars with mutual friends and having a few drinks. She cornered me in the doorway of one bar and gave me a kiss and said "you looked like you needed that." I replied "I did. I love you..." She gave me a weird look and retreated to the next bar. I meant it. I mean, I had been waiting to see her for so long and I got such a wonderful feeling from her kiss. Since (its been a few months or so) she hasn't returned my phone calls, nor does she reply to any of my e-mails, and she's gone as far as telling a mutual friend that she still cares about me but doesn't want to see me.

 

2) Another woman, whom I'd been seeing for maybe 2 months, was the subject of a poem I had written for a creative writing class. I got an A and a lot of compliments from my teacher for my use of metaphor (comparing her to an old woman's favorite wicker basket), so I showed it to her. She said that she appreciated how romantic the poem was, but "It all seems like too much to me right now." She then sort of broke things off and for maybe 2 years we did this on and off again thing where she would call me up after a long time, we'd meet up, fall asleep together on her couch and she'd tell me how much she needed me. Within a week or two she would ask me for space, and then a month or two later we'd do it again.

 

3) After dating a girl for 8 months, she moved to another state and she asked me to try to get a job in the area so we could move in together. A couple months later I got an interview for a job and I called to tell her the good news. I told her it made me excited to know that maybe both of us would be starting a new life in a new place. She then said she was rethinking things, then a couple weeks later she said she didn't want me to move out there with her. A few weeks later when I saw her again, I made an ass of myself and lied to her about something and then had to confess to her about the lie.

 

4) I have told my current girlfriend I have no intention of marrying her and that I don't see the relationship moving any further. At one point we were considering moving in, and on the day she was going to put things in the boxes I came to my senses and said "don't bother, I'm not ready for this. I only was doing it to make you happy." I've told her many times that someday I want to fall in love all over again and have a new passion for someone, yet she is still here and still loves me the same.

 

There was another one that had broken up with me to be with her ex and I had written her a long two page letter reminding her of all the happy times we had and telling her exactly how much it hurt me that she was leaving. I found out from one of her friends that she had showed a couple people the letter and had told them "you see? he just gets so caught up in things, its annoying."

 

One could say that I've dealt with some particularly difficult women, but the fact I lose them the minute I fall for them seems far from coincidental. I don't think its the women being scared of serious relationships, seeing as one of them is married, another is back in a long term relationship, and the third one is engaged.

 

Help?