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Painful Long Distance Relationships


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I was involved with a man in a long distance relationship. He lived 500 miles away. He got another job and now is 700 miles away. We talked for over a year of being together oneday, but it all went up in smoke. He is legally separated from his wife and the divorce will not be final until next May 2004. I fell in love with him over the internet, but had no ideal what I was getting into. I learned, the hard way, not to be involved with a person that is not divorced yet and someone that lives to far away if you like closeness, it will drive you nuts. My situation is when he moved to a new city for another job he wanted me to move there and I just couldnt do it. I didnt feel right about it since he isnt divorced yet. I would have to sell my home, leave my family and move there to someone not even totally available. It is possible for me to sell my home and move, I am 46 years old with two grown sons, so nothing really stopping me from doing that. Anyways.. I didnt go. He started not calling very much. Not even on his days off. I started to seem like less of an important part of his life. I asked him why he was doing this, he said, he didnt want to pressure me to move there. I also asked him why he stopped saying I love you, he replied, I didnt want to pressure you to come here by pouring it on, >>> does this make sense to anyone out there lol.. I got tired of how he was treating me and me not understanding what the heck he's trying to say. So I called off the relationship... My problem is, I still love this man. Its only been about 2 months and no contact. I called it off, then I regreted my decision and started calling him alot, but he would not answer his phone for over a month. Actually never did. I decided to delete his phone number from my cell phone and not call him at all anymore. It hurt to do that because I loved him, but I realised I was getting no where, so why bother.. My heart hurts inside of missing him, hearing his voice and wondering, did I make a mistake by calling it off. Can anyone just give me some positive encouragement of my decision to do this.. I know I was wrong for involving myself with a married man, yes he was leagually separated and all, so please dont blast me on that one lol... I just need advise or encouragement to either move on and forget him, or just stay in limbo and see what happens, if he calls me someday. Thank you

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Hi there and welcome to eNotalone.

 

I think you did the right thing by ending the relationship. It sounds like he was already moving on at the time you decided to call things off. Even though he says he was calling less and not saying "I love you" so you wouldn't feel pressured I think that was his way of letting you down gently.

 

I know you are clearly in pain and that you still have love in your heart for this man. You will heal, but it will take time. Go ahead and grieve for the loss of the relationship. Its normal and healthy. Then its time to move on with your life. Go out and do the things you enjoy. And eventually someone else who is right for you will come along.

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I agree with what avman said, and after seeing how he acted after you didn't move, I would jot this one down on the, "Im sooo glad I didnt do that" list, by how easily and quickly he was able to dismiss your relationship, he must not have been as involved as he led you to believe. With his move and his divorce, I believe you may have been his rebounder. I dont think most people mean to get in a rebound relationship, its just that after so much hurt and pain its almost impossible to build a new, strong relationship.

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I am trying to forget him, but it is so difficult.. You are right Molly about him just scratching the relationship because I wouldnt move there. I think he got to full of himself with a very high paying job, and on the beach area, lots of women there. It did really shock me he didnt try to work with me to stick it out and be patient with me. I feel he'd worryed most of his life about everyone else, he probably was sick and tired of not having what he wants now in his life, who knows lol.. I just wanted to know why. I may never know why he treated me this way. I'd just never guessed he'd dumped me.. But it goes to show, you just never really know whats going to happen in our lives. Thank you both again for caring enough to leave your messanges... Take care

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