robert7x Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Another week passed and i guess it's getting a little better for me. It's been around 26 days or something like that since she left to another Country and around 20+ days of NC for me. Only received 2 emails from her during that time... both filled with lies... I know that the reason she left me is to be with someone else but i never heard that from her and she thinks i don't know either. Every weekend is really difficult for some reason. Friday night, i usually hang out with a friend and we do something on our Cars or something like that... I really have no desire to go out at all... I don't like the whole club/bar scene and am not really feeling like spending any time there. Saturday, i wake up feeling like crap... so sad and depressed... i keep missing her a lot and keep thinking about our saturdays waking up together... Then the rest of the day i spend doing something with friends... Saturday night, we went to see a movie, ate something and back home. I just keep thinking about her a lot... wandering what she's up to... Missing the moments we had together... wandering if i'll ever have anyone like her again. I mean to me, she was very special... I had a great time with her and i experienced something that i never did before and that is living with a girl and sharing our life... We had our own apartment (that i'm still in it), we got it for us... not for me or anything like that. Living with her 24/7 was the best thing in my life... Just cuddling at night while we go to sleep and holding her all night while sleeping is something that i'll miss for the rest of my life. A lot of guys said how they hate that etc. but i loved it. Getting take out food and sitting in front of fireplace and just holding each other was amazing. As i type this i felt like crying, but nothing is happening... For some reason i'm unable to cry... Weird. She on the other hand had that before with 2 or 3 guys so for her it was nothing. She lived with one guy for 4 years... Then after that ended, she went with another guy and lived with him for 8 months or so... Ther might have been more... I don't know... I guess everything that was special for me, it was just a routine for her with a different guy... I now see every red flag that i should have seen back when i first met her... But i was blinded by the feelings for her and the so called LOVE i felt... I should have known better, but i didn't. I was just a rebound guy for her... Then i guess after 8 months she leaves me for another guy... so maybe he's a rebound too or who knows what... I mean i don't think she ever really took time after break-up for herself... she was just going from one guy to another and leaving all of us behind after she had enough... Left the guy she was with only to come to my state and leave with me week after. What the hell was i thinking then... Blinded by love... Knowing all this doesn't really change the way i feel about her. I know it should... I know i should be happy that she left as there really was no future for us, even though we planed it and talked about it... even looked into marriage and all. I'm still crazy in love with her and would probably take her back if she asked to come back. Here is another problem... She had this beautifull dog that i got attached to very easily. She took him with her when she left... she didn't take him to another country but back to her state. I have a chance to get another dog that is exactly like him... and i mean exactly... same age, same type everything... only different name... I don't know if this is a good decision for me to adopt this dog... I'm afraid that i would be reminded of her too much this way and i don't know what to do... I loved that dog a great deal and i miss him as well. There are times when it gets so hard... i really don't know how to get over it. As always, mornings are still the worst... Nights are not that bad because i usually spend some time on this forum reading and then i go to sleep... During the day, also i spend time on the forum because i'm not that busy at work lately... I'm really hard trying to keep busy... i keep doing some of my hobbies, working, talking to friends, sometimes we go out etc... However, all that feels like i'm putting a band-aid on an open wound... She's still on my mind and in my heart. I guess i'm just giving a weekly update. Thanks for reading. R Link to comment
Jane36 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 Breaking up is hard to do, for sure. I feel for you. I also see myself in you wanting her dog. My ex has two of the cutest cocker spaniels, and when we broke up I kinda missed the dogs more than him (but that was while I was on a hating-my-ex rampage). I too am thinking of getting a dog like one of his, but everyone tells me that's a bad idea. It will be too much of a reminder. Get a dog (good distraction) but find another breed. Link to comment
lost1234 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 You need to decide whether you want a dog because you want a dog. No other reason. It can't be to fill a void your ex left. It can't be to remind you of your ex. A dog is a living creature. If your intentions are not true and you are unprepared to make the commitment, then you should not get a dog. What happens to the dog when you are healed? Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 21, 2008 Author Share Posted January 21, 2008 Thanks for putting it in that kind of perspective... I really need to think this over... R Link to comment
lost1234 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 You're welcome. Just some comfort. I can relate. I'm trying to recover from my ex breaking up with me. I loved holding my ex too. I wish I could sleep more than a few hours a night. I'm headed toward 3 weeks of this very little sleep. Remember you can't control love. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do about her. You shouldn't feel bad that you may have been a rebound guy. She wouldn't have been with you, even if it was for a rebound, if she didn't see something she liked. I find that the people on these boards are very nice and helpful, but sometimes forget that we want more than advice on healing, we want understanding too. Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 21, 2008 Author Share Posted January 21, 2008 We don't always get what we want... Most of the time we get a taste of it and then it gets taken away. I just made a mistake and checked her myspace page... She has both actually myspace and facebook... She removed me as a friend from myspace because the guy she ran off to has myspace so i'm not supposed to see that... Facebook she left me on there and nothing is changed... I guess she'll leave that on so in case she needs something from me she can use it as she doesn't know how it got removed... No sleep for me tonight... I have to go to work in 7 hours Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 21, 2008 Author Share Posted January 21, 2008 I just got to work and i don't think i've ever felt worse then right now... It's like day 1 all over again... I'm having hard time breathing and i feel this shortness of breth... No matter how much i breathe the more i need it... I was fine, at least to some point for 20 days and then by accident i checked her page... I wanted to add a friend on myspace and saw that she's not listed as my friend anymore... It's like a slap of reality. This is definetelly a set back for me... I have no desire to contact though, but what hurts is that it really is over... I guess i was in denial this whole time and kept hoping for some miracle to happen and bring her back. There is a good reason everyone says stop looking at those pages... I didn't look for about 10 days... Man it's hard... I hope i don't have a panic attack... When i woke up this morning it just hit me all... I had about 5 hours of sleep last night... if That... I was doing OK damn it. It was inevitable though me going on that site and all, I guess that's the closure i needed to see, it's all happening for a reason... I just wish i knew what is the reason... I just feel like this huge rock is on my chest and it's pressing down hard... Thanks for reading. Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 21, 2008 Author Share Posted January 21, 2008 This day never ends... I swear it's the slowest day I ever had... I keep getting thought flashes all day... Every time it happens i keep telling myself "It doesn't Matter" but it's just coming back... It's mostly just the thoughts of us together, the trips we took and all the other worthless crap... I Need to MOVE ON!!!! I don't want to be stuck at this point my whole life... Link to comment
lost1234 Posted January 21, 2008 Share Posted January 21, 2008 I think the shortness of breath, trouble breathing, and the feeling that someone is squeezing your chest are anxiety attacks. I have had a few recently also. If they get really bad you should really seek professional help. I wish this hurt would go away too. I want to move on too, but I'm afraid of losing that wonderful feeling I had with her. It's so hard to give up. Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 I wish it would go away too bud... The pain and this whole life-sucks stage is too depressing... It's just too damn hard to imagine that it's really over... I mean how could this happen to me again... same time only different year... What is it with me and the damn december... I read another post where a girl said she's afraid to be alone and all... I too am Afraid to be alone... That's the whole reason i'm feeling extra crappy and sad... I need to learn how to be alone and ok with it, but i'm afraid of it sooo much... I'm actually feeling a little better about the whole myspace/facebook fiasco. I guess reality is sinking in so hopefully i'll get back to healing process again. Only thing on my mind right now is: "She was really beautifull girl, the prettiest girl i've ever seen... I will never find anyone like her... I'll just end up alone" I don't want to be alone damn it... I want to be with someone... Link to comment
lost1234 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 I feel your pain. For me, my ex is the one also. She has almost everything I want in a person that I would spend the rest of my life with. She just wasn't in love with me. Now I had a set back. For some reason, the thought of my ex and her ex (who she is back with now) getting married popped into my head. Ugh, why did that thought pop into my head? Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 because we're both screwed up and the heart is messing with the brain... For now heart is wining, but sooner or later Brain will have to take over... Just think about something else bud... That's what i've been trying to do for a while... I mean I do sometimes just space out and end up thinking about us and the times we've had or something like that before i even realize i'm thinking about her... Then i kind of wake up and tell myself to stop... Mind is a beatifull thing... it can get scary sometimes, but we'll get thru it... We have to... We didn't come on this earth to be hurt and left alone... At least i hope so... Link to comment
lost1234 Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 The thing that gets me is that she's not on my mind and then all of the sudden with nothing to remind me of her, she's there in my head. Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 Like -BK- said... the Rollercoaster of love... I'm on it and i hate it... IT's scary, sad, depressing and i just want it to be over... Link to comment
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