Icebreakers

[Adobe GIllis]

I guess this could fit into the conversational tips, but I have absolutely no clue how to break the ice with someone I have never met before. Like as in chatting someone up. This is one of the things that I am shy about. When I see someone intriguing (or at least back when I did), I would always say to myself "well, what should I say to this total stranger?" At my age, I am going to have to get some cajones and take initiative here. Bygone are the days of double dates and set-ups, and being confined in a classroom for 6 months with a crush. I don't really want to do the internet dating thing and I don't want to hang in bars either, so that means I am going to have to approach a total stranger and act pretty quickly because chances are I won't see them again (I live in a large city-area-suburb). This is really hard for a shy person. Mainly, I think that it would be imposing, or even intrusive, not to mention the fear of rejection. Another roadblock to the chat-up is fear of success. Seriously. I mean, I don't even know this woman and I ask myself I really want to add this person to my life?". Do I want to change my lonely routines? Do I like my problem in the first place? Sounds stupid, but after you condition yourself in a certain pattern, you get kind of stuck by choice.

 

So...in the event that I want to wake up and dislodge my head from my butt one day, what the heck should I say when I see her?

[beth116]

Hey.

 

It 's hard with total strangers, yes. When I've been out at a bar or party or whatever, I've found I tend to judge a guy not by what he says, but how he says it.

 

2 different guys can come up and both could say 'hey, cool party' or something like that, and one could come accross SO sleazy, and the other could come accross as genuine and nice.

 

Intention is everything. If you are just genuinely being friendly and outgoing, people will respond well. Don't tyr and 'pick up'. That will often back-fire.

 

And don't feel worried about 'adding' someone to your life. Just take things one step at a time. Just becuase you have a drink with someone doesn't necessarily mean they will become a permanent fixture.

 

Good luck with it.... just be yourself. (many girls dig shy guys, too!)

 

beth.

[Red Dwarf]

I dig shy guys, they can say anything to me and i simply talk back. If the girl is receptive to someone talking to them, then it doesn't matter what you say (as long as it isn't vulgar or sexual). Simple.

 

Don't look at it as chatting her up though. It will ake you nervous.

[Raize]

For me, the ease of breaking the ice depends on the social situation, ie if I have a reason to get talking to a stranger in the first place.

 

I virtually never approach ladies in a pub / bar etc as, A) It feels obvious and sleazy. Furthermore, B) What the hell do you go and say to any random person in a bar?

 

But as for parties and get-togethers in general? Somehow I find it a lot easier simply because of the mutual friend factor, I don't feel so stupid talking to a Girl at a party in that sense as I would at a bar, even though in either case they can be strangers.

 

Also at parties, it is also easier to sorta slip into conversations (politely, without butting in or being arrogant about it that is!) and sorta introduce yourself that way.

 

I have a couple of concerts I am going to next weekend, and I am thinking the very fact that everyone going there will have at least one obvious shared interest (The band playing), that itself will be an ideal icebreaker.

[Adobe GIllis]

Yeah, Raize is right. Parties and common-interest events are really good venues. I too worry about feeling sleazy. Never would I do the sexual innuendo because I don't wanna be "that guy". Even if it works, I don't care. Once, however, I was well into my pints and I saw this amazing redhead at a bar. She was with her friends and so was I. Due to my state, I actually "hit on her". I mean full-on. It was hilarious to me since it was so out-of-character. She took my drunken tomfoolery as a serious chat-up and was all giggles and smiles. Nothing transpired though because A) even though braver, I still knew I was joking, and B) My friends were all trying to C-block me and we suddenly had to leave for no real reason. Oh yeah, the alpha-dog was kind enough to chime in drunk, don't listen to him, sorry". Need I say I don't roll with those guys much anymore. Weird.