Help needed with my insecurities and trust wife!!!

[urbanroots]

Here's the deal,

 

Prior to being married my wife and I split up for a couple weeks and she slept with this guy , which I believe was out of spite. A year after we get married I intercept an email from friend of hers telling her that he wants to use handcuffs and stuff on her. She denied denied denied. Ok so this is a marriage and I have to give the benifit of the doubt. When I asked why she even talked to that guy so much it was due to being lonely as I was working alot, so I quit my job and did a career change so I could be with her more.

 

Everything is fine for about another year then I intercept another email as we use the same email system at home, from a different guy that she works with telling her to come over to his office and get naked, another email talked about him cumming on her, etc. Now i think these emails were in good natured fun but I don't approve of it and I let him know it. Then I also talked to her about it.

 

Whats bugging me is I wanted her to end all converations with this guy a while ago as i was suspicious. She denies that there was anything going on for him to talk to her like that , however she asks me why i'm upset with her when he sent the email.

 

Now this is where i need the help as I got totally burnt on the relationship before this where my gf was sleeping around and ever since i have been suffering to trust agian. With that said I have no proof that my wife cheated however it's hard to believe her and I think this might end the marriage if I can't get a handle on trusting her. It doesn't help that I just got a new job last week that is 3 hours away from home and we will have to move soon, either.

 

Any suggestions on how to get through this and handle my insecurities which cause me to be jealous.\

 

 

Thanks

[Cid]

Well one thing I have found out that all us guys get jealous it is are nature. Now one thing you can do is talk to that guy in person and find out what is going on from him or you can all ways get a PI. I hopes that this helps.

[avman]

Well I think in this situation you are right to be upset. This guy has no business emailing your wife stuff like that and she should be telling him to stop or blocking his email. This goes way beyond good natured sexual humor if he is describing sexual acts the two of them should be performing.

 

I think you should tell your wife you consider this inappropriate and hurtful to you. She should consider your feelings and respect your relationship enough to end this.

[idunno]

man, your deal here is like mine was and i am really sorry to see it. i really understand what you are going through and i know it must be killing you. this is such a major thing and these people doing this around you would like to blow it off and man you cant take this.

 

you have to get to the bottom of it and you have to be the one to pull the plug if it needs pulling. for me, just the emails are enough. someone talks to my wife through email like that its because they have had a face to face already that sounded probably exactly the same, you know. no way this is some out of the blue stuff.

 

you havent done anything wrong, dont put yourself in denial and turn a blind eye. me, i would separate and move into a hotel like today. i'd tell her that i dont trust her at all. i dont know if you have kids that makes it all so freaking painful i know but the deal with your wife will still wipe you out even if there are no kids. but you gotta grab all your dignity and make a stand right now.

 

after you go or whatever you do, move slowly, carefully, control your emotions, out think the other side. be caring and all that crap so you can get the truth. but you already know what the truth is or at least what it will probably end up to be one day.

 

real sorry man

[The Morrigan]

I have to agree with avman - there's a point you draw the line, especially when this is someone I'm assuming she knows in person? It's not appropriate; if he's doing this against her wishes, she needs to firmly tell him it's not appropriate and either he cool it, or she'll block him. He's going beyond playful good natured flirting, even if she's not seeing any real intent on his part.

 

Sit down and talk to her openly without making it accusatory and ask her if there's a reason she hasn't blocked him - she might not have been looking at it "from the other side" so to speak. I somehow doubt she'd appreciate finding similar emails from a girl to you, so try and make sure you're on the same page

[sisterlynch]

Your wife sounds like a little girl. Is there anything in her past that she needs to talk to you about like a prior molestation that could be causing this acting out? She really seems to be trying to hurt you for some reason. Often times in marriages the things that go unsaid in prior situations come back to haunt you. You are right to be angry with her as she is obviously making these men believe that she wants them, which is inappropriate given that she is married. She needs to stop talking to these guys, it is sexual harassment at the very least, she is making your life hellish and she needs to be stopped. I have found that sexual inuendo can be addictive, just like a drug to your system. It makes you feel powerful and beautiful and even if your spouse hates it, you still have the affection of the other men, so it is a tricky situation to say the very least.

 

be honest with her and expect her to respect what you say, if she doesn't respect you then talk to a lawyer.

[bdub]

Perhaps couples conseling might be appropriate for you? There are clearly issues that need to be worked out from both ends. She isn't acting in a manner that is at all respectful of your marriage. You have trust issues that you openly admit to. Counselors can be a great way to deal with issues just like this. Politely tell your wife that this situation has you bothered and suggest that you go talk with somebody about it.

 

Good luck and Best Wishes

bdub