starting to have worrying feelings of intense dislike for my 7 year old neice

[bulletproof]

I don't know if you should email her. Email lacks tone and can lead to even more misunderstanding. I'm not sure I understand what you wouldn't remember to say? All you need to say is that you're hurt and would like to figure out a way you can see each other more often.

[cheekychic]

I don't know if you should email her. Email lacks tone and can lead to even more misunderstanding. I'm not sure I understand what you wouldn't remember to say? All you need to say is that you're hurt and would like to figure out a way you can see each other more often.

 

hmm true. just sometimes if i want to say something i forget important points that i had wanted to make n then kick myself after as i forgot to say it.

but yes i guess by email she cant hear my tone of voice and may take something the wrong way

[cheekychic]

thanks for all the advice to everyone by the way

[Mythical_Suicide]

Yeah I agree maybe it's best if you two go together for lunch or dinner without anyone else , no kids, nothing and just had a one on one chat with each other and explain to her that it really bothers you and hurts your feelings that she never visits you and ask her if it's just because her daughter or if there's more.

 

just think about the most important things first and knock those out of the way and then you can talk about the less important things as you remember them.

 

Good luck!

 

and I really suggest a air purifier for the smell, they do wonders!

[JadedStar]

...or, there is always this little thing of you visiting her instead of they visiting you. Obviouly you don't have any issues with her house so maybe you just visit her on her turf more than vice versa....and if you both don't work maybe during the day when the kids are at school.

 

I truly believe, however, that there is more going on here then just the little girl not wanting to come by. If you sister really had an interest in seeing you i am sure she'd reach out and make an effort. I think that some open communication is warranted and fast because there are likely other issues at play...and you won't know what they are unless you come right out and ask.

[cheekychic]

i do visit her but its not convenient for me to do it alot as it costs alot and i have to get 2 buses which takes forever coz they go all round the houeses and then i dont get alot of time before i have to do the same journey back.... i dont mind doing it once in a while at all but it is alto easier for my sister as she drives and it takes 25 mins. if i had a car id go over there alot more... but at the moment my bills are so high i cant afford to do much else apart from get by and provide my daughter with what she needs

[dragon111]

Well this is a long thread so i'll just reply in reference to your original post.

 

I also think that it is healthy for children to play in the mud and not be clean freaks, from your original post i do think your niece sounds snobby.

 

People seem to be suggesting that there is a dislike between you and your sister that you are projecting onto the child, i don't see that from the original post (although i havent had chance to read all the others). I would develop a dislike for a child who acted in such a way, it is only natural, but then we realise that you can not blame a child. If your house is dirty it is understandable that your niece will dislike this, i've always had this thing about people touching my knife and fork just before i eat (not sure why lol, but i always loved making mud pies in the garden!). The way the girl approaches the issue just reflects upon her social immaturity and the way she has been brought up.

 

The thing that disturbs me is how the situation has been approached, sure, we cant blame a 7 year old, they are not properly socially developed (and it sounds like she will have to make some adjustments as she grows or she will be recognised as snobby), but your sister has approached (or rather ignored) this issue, it is good that your sister recognises her daughter as a human, but your sister is the adult and shouldn't there be some kind of loyalty between you and your sister where this issue can be resolved between adults instead of letting her daughter make all the moves? If you sister is allowing this to happen then perhaps we should recognise that perhaps your sister is the decision maker, who is hiding behind her daughter to avoid confrontation. maybe there is something else going on, or maybe you are over analysing, it must be a pretty hectic schedule bringing up a kid, maybe she is not leaving you out on purpose but just has alot on her mind.

[Gratsy]

Its a child. You CANNOT take seriously what a child says. If a child annoys you, just get out of his/her presense. You can also talk to the parent about how the child is being raised. Its not up to a kid to teach his or herself how to act. You should have compassion when it comes to children b/c they don't know any better...

 

As an adult in authority, its up to you to teach her how to properly behave...unless your sister has a problem with it.

[heidi_tongzon]

You see a child is a child. at her age right now all that we adults should do is to understand and guide her to the path of learning.. the child is nice for me.. and she seems intelligent. She will learn in time. if you dont like her, just forget about situations like this coz you seem to act as the child now. lol..