I messed up...everything

[justagirl]

Alright, I'm sorry if this gets lengthy, I just really need to know what the heck I'm doing, I'm so frustrated with myself and whats going on, I'm so lost.

This guy and I have been friends for almost a year. September we started becoming much better friends. I felt so comfortable talking to him. We talked constantly and it got better with every conversation.

He has been dealing with something for a long time now and I've tried to be there for him as much as I could and as much as he wanted.

Then things got...well different.

Endish of October he just stopped talking to me, I had no idea why. He emailed a week after it started and told me he was confused. So I figured ok, I'll just do a friendly little "morning" email occasionaly...I probably did it more than I should have but it is hard to go from constant communication (from both sides) to nothing at all.

Sometime around Halloween we talked online and he told me why he needed his space and such. I still didn't understand but I didn't want to push it.

We talked online about 3 days ago and I finally just gave up and asked him to explain what was going on. So he did and I was a mess. He didn't know I was a mess, but oh believe me, I was

So anyway, after that conversation I went outside and sat there, trying to figure out why this was all happening. I felt bad for what was going on with him, happy with some reasons he had, but confused as to why he'd want to push me away if he had those feelings.

So here I am now

I hadn't emailed, texted, called, nothing until tonight. I figured he wants his space, I'll let him have his space, hoping he'd call.

Well, I ended up pretty much talking to myself after the "how are you's" were said. So I'm really confused.

I keep asking myself how this happened so fast, out of nowhere he stopped talking to me. At first I thought it was me, like I did something extremely wrong for him to dislike me that much. I guess I'm just hurt. I feel like such a pain in his butt. I want to give him the space he needs, but I feel that if I give him what he wants, space, he won't ever talk to me again.

I know I've probably made things so much worse by trying to get him to talk to me, but I didn't know what else to do. I have been so confused and flustered that I can't make sense of it. I understand what he wants, and I know that if I'm persistent in talking to him and annoying him I'll make things worse ...maybe to the point where he really doesn't want to ever talk to me again. I so do NOT want that to happen...I just wish I could be all tough and hold out long enough to give him what he wants and show him that I am good...I can give him space...i'm sorry

grrr

](*,)

~*Justagirl*~ [/b]

[Hero_99]

So he was confused and needed space? Sounds to me like he is sorting some issues out in his life or maybe he has come to a period of low self-confidence. You never know why a man needs space exactly, but it's usually to think things through....

 

What were his other reasons for needing space? Well, I don't think that this could be a bad thing personally. It is natural for a man to need space every one in a while, every man does, and yes he will probably snap back and start talking to you again.

 

If you read the books "Men are from mars, and Women are from Venus" or "Mars and Venus on a date" there is a whole section describing the cycles of a relationship, and right now he is in his cave.

 

If he was good at communicating he would have assured you "that he would be back, eventually," as suggested in the books.....

[Shyguy24]

HEY sweets ;

 

take it easy , i know its hard but u know if someone wants space then just give it to them , itsnot easy becasue they become part of your life ;

 

but u have to understand that u cant do much about how someone starts to feel about u, if they know u care and still dont open up , thats just the way some people are ;

 

i would suggest that u consciously start making a effort to involve yourself in other things maybe take a vacation or say take up a hobby or do something that brings u a feeling

 

THAT MAKES U FEEL GOOD ABOUT UR SELF , THERE IS SOMETING SPECIAL IN ALL OF US , U NEED TO JUST FIND OUT ABOUT URSELF THAT THING ;

 

I WOULD RECOMMEND A little meditation or yoga , it will help u to focus more and concentrate better ,

 

look i dont what he told u so i cant comment on that , but all i can say is that keep the faith believe that he will come back and things will be alright

 

see the way we think is the way we act ... if u think positive things will happen for the better believe me it works ;

 

take care and PM me if u want to talk or anything

shyguy

[bdub]

haha, funny. I was just going to recommend that she read Men are from Mars.... Its really a good book to begin understanding some of the things that happen between men and women.

 

Just back off and give him time. I know it feels like he is pulling away and you want nothing more than to chase him down and try to help him. Don't do that. Just wait it out. He will not go away forever. When he feels he has worked out his problem he will spring back, trust me. Whatever you do, don't follow him into his "cave."

 

Good luck and Best Wishes

bdub

[Color-Is-Blue]

Open communication is one of the best

reasons that a relationship works..

[Nifty_Swifty1]

He most likley does just need his space, but ther are time when Guys go through things where since they don't know how to handel it they shut everyone out saying that they need there space when all they really need is for someone to just be there with them... Not to talk, or do anything, but just to be there. I only say that becouse I was at that spot not long ago. I was telling everyone that I "just needed space," but one of my friends saw through that. She came over and made me supper, and other than kicking me out of the kitchen didn't say hardly a word to me. She just took a spot next to me on the coutch and we both just sat there until we fell asleap... I guess for most people that would be a little aquard, but It was what I needed at the time, and somehow she knew that.

 

That got a little off the subject being that I was only making the point that it may not just be that he need his space, but oh well

[Osiris]

Greetings justagirl,

 

He has been dealing with something for a long time now and I've tried to be there for him as much as I could and as much as he wanted.

 

I think the issue here lies in the `friends or more` area. It`s not easy to see what`s going on between two of you. However it`s look like his feelings towards you has changed recently, that is why he told you he needed space. Maybe he met someone and was unsure what to do.

 

That`s my opinion as it is.

 

All the best

 

Osiris.

[Chesnick]

"If he was good at communicating he would have assured you "that he would be back, eventually," as suggested in the books....."

 

When will people realize that you can't write a book and expect everyone to act according to it? I guess the guy didn't read the damn book so he doesn't know how to correctly be a human being. Sorry, it just frustrates me...

 

Anyway, just give him his space. It's kind of hard to say what he's going through without knowing the important info he gave you, but if he's having trouble in his life and needs to be by himself you should let him be. If it's a personal thing then it has nothing to do with you, and you can probably start being with him again once he gets through his trouble. So try not to worry. Just be strong and let him work it out.

[bdub]

True Chesnick,

 

There are no books that can correctly predict the behavior of everybody on the planet. But these books can give some insight to what may be going on in somebody's head and why. It is up to the reader to take the information from the book(s) (more than one is always better), and apply it to their situation. Men are from Mars is a great book, but it can be a bit generalistic about how men and women behave, and btw the author openly admits that his view tends to put labels on people based on their gender.

 

Read the books and take from them what YOU NEED to take from them.

 

Best Wishes,

bdub

[justagirl]

hey everyone

thank you for replying to this. I will give him space, and try to not worry. I just want him to know that I'm not trying to be pushy or annoying, I just, I think, ahh, ok....I don't really get why this is happening, i understand why he's needing space and all, but I don't get why all of this happened. I feel like I'm being punished for something I didn't know was going on. I want to tell him, but whenever I say sorry he tells me to not appologize just understand..and I do, but I want him to know I'm all mixed up and I don't mean to be a big old pain. Argh...but I talked myself into being a tough cookie and giving him space. hopefully I wont cave after 3 days...knowing me...I will, haha...I'm a mess

*~Justagirl~*

 

Thanks again guys, I really do appreciate it.

[justagirl]

...........

[Shyguy24]

Hey if umake someone the center of ur life make sure that tey can live upto it ;

 

Blind love or faith isnt good and can only hurt u, real love comes with patience and understanding

 

TOO MUCH LOVE= TOO MANY EXPECTATIONS.

[justagirl]

I wasn't trying to make him the center of my life....it just kinda happened. I still did my own thing, I was exactly who I always have been, just happier and more confident. Other than that everything else was the same. I went on with my schooling, life, everything. He was just a part of it that I was very comfortable with. He fit. I guess he got scared at how comfortable we were so he stopped talking to me kinda. I hate the position I'm in now...I feel replaced and not cared about at all...I cant and dont want to stop talking to him because we were great friends...he helped me figure things out and I was having fun...I was happier...myself again...Now I feel like everything we talked about means nothing to him, I feel so easily pushed aside. I know he didnt mean to hurt me, but he did...

life sucks

Justagirl

 

[Shyguy24]

Hey sweetheart,

 

i feel real bad for u

 

ure a good person and sound like a real caring and fun person , i am sure that it is just a matter of time that some one will find you

 

WHY CANT I MEET PEOPLE LIKE THIS

 

HEy if u ever need talk or anything , Just pm okay

 

ill be right here

 

take care mate , and dont

 

shy